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Trent Woos the Queen
"Won't you please let me in your pants?"
Trent was nearly ecstatic, he almost jumped for joy. After the call ended he realized he had to change his game plan, but how? He'd tried everything, late night phone calls, dead flowers, cheesy poetry, the usual standing outside her window begging, and her favorite: sending Daisy May in wearing a "marry me queen" t-shirt. No this time Trent knew it had to be special. Trent thought deeply about this, and pondered the situation for days. First, he wondered who would know enough about relationships to help him. "Hrmmm... Danny? Charlie? Jerome? Rave? Alan? John Malm? Scratch John Malm... Clint? Manson? Leo? Twiggy? Robin? Wait go back.. LEO!" he thought excitedly. He picked up the phone and dialed with quick fingers. He heard heavy breathing on the other end. "Oops, sorry, wrong number," Trent said and was about to hang up.
"Trent?" Leo asked over the phone, "Sorry, I was just...um..nevermind. So why the phone call?"
"Well, I need your help." Trent said timidly,
"I need help getting the Queen to let me take her out and do all the things I want to do to her."
"What kinda things?" Leo asked and his breathing got deep again.
"Uh, listen, would you mind giving me some advice," Trent said feeling slightly uneasy.
"Sure thing Trent, we'll work out the details later, but tomorrow show up for the Latin Satin's Special Hot Hunks Seminar!" Leo said enthuisiasticly.
"Huh?" Trent said, unsure if Leo was joking.
"Just drop by my place around noon." Leo said and hung up.
Trent was not quite confident about his decision, but he figured it would all work out. He went to bed and dreamt about the Queen: She was sitting at home, listening to music. And then the goddess stopped by to visit. Trent was watching this from the window. The goddess was telling queen Dizzy to give Trent a chance. And then he woke up.
It was still early, around 10, two more hours till Leo helped him with the Queen. Trent couldn't wait to see her, he knew that this time would be better than when she nearly backed her car over him. Yes, he was confident that all would be alright. Trent got up and dressed sharply. He shaved his monster of a beard because he didn't have one in his dream, and if the Goddess was helping him when he was beardless, he figured it would be worth a shot. The beard shaving had taken longer than he'd thought, so he rushed about feeding Daisy and making sure that she'd be a good dog while he was gone, he knew Daisy didn't like going to Leo's and she'd be fine while he was gone, but just to make sure he called Lame Girl and asked her to dogsit till he got back. He looked at his watch, plenty of time to get to Leo's by noon. Trent thought about getting multiple opinions, but he didn't want to waste so much time. He wanted to get to Queen Dizzy as soon as possible and finally persuade her to be his girl. Trent got on his bike and went over to Leo's, he hadn't visited much, after all, Leo never invited him over and he was too busy when Trent wanted to come over. He wondered what Leo's place was like, pretty cool he thought, after all, Leo was going to help him get Dizzy, so he had to be a decent guy. Trent pedaled faster, the sooner he got to Leo's the sooner he would get the girl. On the way Trent ran into Danny, who complained that his bike shorts were riding up on him. But Trent's good mood could not be changed, although he felt a little ride up as well.
"I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling uncomfortable right now. But I gotta jet. I'm going to Leo's to talk to him." Trent said ackwardly.
Danny looked at him suspiciously, "Talk to Leo about what? You're not firing him, are you?"
"Hell no! I mean he's odd sometimes, but I am not going to fire him. We're just going to talk about some stuff." Trent started to mount his bike again. "I'll see you later, OK?" He sped off before Danny could respond.
Danny was suspicious, Trent had been acting weird all week, weirder than usual. Danny hoped that it wasn't anything serious but the mention of Leo made him terribly uncomfortable (more so than the shorts). Trent arrived at Leo's 2 minutes early, he was sweaty but knocked on the door with a smile on his face. After 10 minutes Leo came to the door in Scooby Doo boxers and a frown "Rent's not due till next week" he muttered. when he noticed it was Trent he said, "You're early, if you'd said it was you I wouldn't have rushed to get boxers on!"
Trent blinked and tried not to think about what he just heard, "So, you're going to help me, right?" he asked in order to get his mind off of that disturbing thought.
"Of course I will, Trent! Who else would help you get yourself a woman?" Leo grinned widely and Trent looked even more perplexed. "Where's the beard, man?" Leo asked, interrupting Trent's thoughts.
"I shaved it off, it seemed like a good idea," Trent replied and rubbed his shaved chin.
"Trent," Leo said and put his hand on Trent's shoulder, "the chicks dig the hair, where do you think I'd be without hair?"
Trent tried not to laugh and sputtered. "I don't think the hair is really my thing, unless it's on the top of my head." Trent answered trying not to laugh.
"Listen Trent, if you don't do things my way, you might blow your chances with Dizzy." Leo retorted.
"Well you're right, obviously." Trent said trying to get on with it. He didn't have all day. Leo nodded, scratched and invited Trent in.
Trent stepped through the doorway and looked around. The room they were now standing in was a bit messy. Porn magazines and videos were stacked on the floor in various spots. The big screen TV could be seen in the other room, and what was playing on it made Trent want to turn around and ask someone else for advice on his dilemma. Leo looked around in a pile of porn.
"Gotta change my clothes, I only wear these to get rid of the rent collectors," Leo said pointing to his Scooby Doo shorts "That's more my style." Leo said and pointed to a black thong.
Trent wanted to run, but he was petrified and felt as though his feet were glued to the floor. He just wished that he had thought more about this.
"So, you've got some problems gettin that girl to come to you, hmm? We'll fix that right up!" Leo smiled. "First, you gotta dress more sexy." Leo fished through a pile of porn mags and pulled out a Rolling Stone Magazine. "You gotta dress more like this." he said pointing to a photo of Ricky Martin.
Trent stared in horror! He wanted to turn and gag. Trembling he asked, "Are you sure about this, Leo?" his voice filled with doubt.
"You've come to the master, you don't question the master, the master is wise and once you've delved into the master's world you will never be the same!" Leo said and put on the black thong.
"I'm sure you're right.." Trent muttered and shuddered.
"What?" Leo asked and bent down to look for something.
"What the FUCK was I THINKING?!" Trent thought. "I can't believe Queen Dizzy has brought me down to this level of desperation!" Trent shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. He resolved to go through with all of this torture if it meant that he and Dizzy would spend eternity together.
Leo pulled out a notebook, straighted the crumpled pages and told Trent to sit down. "Now the first thing is conversation, now few men can really grasp Leo-ology, but if you've got the will you might get a little love." Leo said, "I know that with my instruction you'll make it to the date point, so now comes the most important line you can ever learn: 'Won't you please let me in your pants?' It's simple but trust me, it's the best."
Trent wanted to cry. "Don't you think that's a little too direct?" he tried not to sound frustrated.
"You NEED to be direct man! Why do you think she's been turning you down? She doesn't think you are REALLY serious about loving her. You have to tell her exactly what you want." Leo turned the page in his notebook. Trent leaned back on the leather sofa, he hated how sticky it was, it was new enough, he hoped it was simply the unworn leather. "Now, attire we have covered. Think Ricky Martin! You can't go wrong with Ricky. You should bring a camera, it's always a good ice breaker and can come in handy if you get to the peak of Leo-ology." Trent squirmed and hoped that this could win Dizzy's heart. "Let's go shopping now. We'll get you outfitted for tonight and then we'll go over the rest of the steps of Leo-ology." Leo went over to one of the closets and pulled on a black pair of slacks, a black muscle-tee, and a blue snakeskin-like button up shirt with a collar. "You will look almost like this." Leo took a bow, then pulled on a pair of blue snakeskin pointed toe boots. Trent winced. He hoped it was all just a bad dream. Trent was all too happy to get off the couch but he was afraid of shopping with Leo. Didn't people die shopping sometimes?
Once at the mall Leo brought Trent in front of a store that caused Trent to dry heave. Trent hestitated when Leo started going into the store. "Leo, I really don't know about this, don't those weird guys from N'Sync wear these clothes?" Trent asked.
"Of course," Leo replied.
"But they're so....even Robin wouldn't wear them...the Queen doesn't even...I um," Trent stuttered.
"Don't be silly!" Leo retorted, "When she sees the new sexy Trent, nothing will stop her from tackling you to the ground and ravishing you right on the spot!!"
Trent seemed to linger on those words and thought to himself, "Ravish me on the spot?? I guess I'd better stop questioning Leo." Trent looked up at Leo, "Ok, let's go!" he said bravely.
Trent walked through the store and noticed a few things he could bear wearing, and others which would give him nightmares for years to come. Leo walked over to one such outfit.
"Now this, this might just be the one!" Leo cooed. Trent cringed anew when he laid his eyes on the red sparkly muscle-tee with the word "player" printed on the front in bold black letters. The rest of the outfit was a pair of black sparkly pants with a red sparkly belt and a pair of red pointed toe patent leather shoes. "Yes," Leo mused, "This seems like the one. I have a very good feeling!"
Trent's stomach was weak again when Leo told him to try it on and model it for him. He didn't want to be seen like this, not even in the privacy of his own home. But he tried it on anyway. After all, Leo knew best. Trent wondered about the final steps of Leo-ology. He peeked out from behind the dressing room door and Leo burst in. Closing the door behind him, Leo looked Trent up and down.
"No, it's wrong." Leo shook his head, "I'll find a better one." Leo ran out to get a new outfit.
Trent was relived while changing out of the nasty clothes Leo picked out until it dawned on him. "What if the new clothes are worse?" Trent panicked. He was shaking and leaned against the door to keep his balance. Trent was having so many doubts, why had he asked Leo in the first place? He should have asked Manson, he was engaged right? But then again he wasn't married yet and his love story could have been pulled out of a stalker's handbook. Of course there was Charlie....Danny...Jerome...Robin....well, there must have been someone else who wouldn't have dragged him to this store today. Trent shook violently anticipating the outfit Leo might bring. If there was a god, perhaps Leo would bring that plain outfit close to the dressing room. No... he was taking too long. A few moments later, there was a knock on the dressing room door.
"Trent, I got one!" Leo said excitedly. "Open the door so you can try it on."
Trent was terrified. "Are you sure it's a good one?" Trent's voice wavered.
"Of COURSE!" Leo answered. "Just open up the door, I KNOW you will like this one!"
Trent started to open the door, then closed it again "But if it's baby blue!" he whined.
"Trent, I swear I will leave if you don't open that door right now!" Leo huffed.
Trent opened the door, closed his eyes and groaned, "There is no god!" then he opened his eyes and looked at the outfit in Leo's hands. Trent's jaw dropped. He was looking at a charcoal gray button up shirt with collar and a black muscle-tee underneath. Hung on the same hanger was a pair of matching charcoal gray slacks, no belt. There were no words on the muscle-tee! It was a plain outfit! It wasn't as awful as he thought it would be! The shoes Leo held in his other hand were black leather. They were plain too! "I love you man!" Trent said and grabbed the clothes from Leo.
"Yeah, yeah, just send me pictures," Leo said and blushed.
Trent went in and changed, he eyed his ass in the mirror, not to say that Leo was right but Trent felt things would go okay. Trent danced in front of the mirror mouthing the words to Right Said Fred's: "I'm too sexy" when all of a sudden Leo opened the door. "Uh.." Trent stopped abruptly, "what's next, Leo?" he asked trying to cover up the fact that he was just a moment ago dancing in front of the mirror in these clothes.
"Um..." Leo started "Well we've got to buy the clothes and get out of here so that I may show you the next step in Leo-ology."
"What is it?" Trent asked eyeing his ass one more time before changing. "I have to teach you how to walk." Leo said. "You have to walk sexy. Sexy clothes alone are not going to make you sexy even if you have a sexy body."
Trent tried to ignore those last few words. They worried him -- coming from Leo that is. But that said, Trent dressed quicker, he was uncomfortable dressing in front of another guy in a store like this. After he'd finished dressing, and paid for the clothes they left the mall and not a moment too soon, Trent thought he would explode if they stayed much longer. Had it not been for the pop-music being blared across the store, he might have been fine with the traumas of seeing those clothes. "Enough about that.." he thought. They went back to Leo's place so that Trent could learn the "Latin Satin Walk". Leo took Trent into a small room with many mirrors, Trent couldn't see the doorway anymore, that worried him a bit but Leo was right about the clothes, so he just pictured dinner with just the Queen and Daisy, it calmed him down a bit.
Leo glared at Trent. "You need to take off those shoes, they'll scuff up my floor!"
"Oh, sorry," Trent replied and took off the shoes.
"Now, watch and learn." Leo started to walk slowly, moving his hips widely and shaking his butt. Trent almost laughed, but stopped himself when Leo looked at him. "You try it now."
"Uh..." Trent looked at the mirrors around the room, "Ok... here goes." Trent tried to replicate the walk, but found that it was harder than it looked.
"No, No. No," Leo said, he reminded Trent of Richard Simons for some reason. He tried to hard not to laugh.
Trent swaggered around the room, shook his butt till he got a little woozy. "How was that?" Trent asked.
"A little better, but not quite right. Try it again! This time try to feel the rhythm. You need rhythm man!" Leo turned on some music. Trent couldn't see how because the mirrors messed his view of everything in the room. He heard an annoying tune, and suddenly he realized it was "Shake your Bon, Bon"!
Trent broke out in a cold sweat. "So i'm supposed to walk to this?" Trent asked.
"Yes," Leo huffed and Trent wasn't sure where Leo was, he could see him in the mirrors but he nearly jumped when Leo tapped him on the shoulder.
"Okay, now, sway to the left" Leo said and began to sing to the music "now right, left, wiggle, walk this way!" Trent followed suit, and was swaying and wiggling. "That's right Trent! You've got it!!" Leo smiled and opened the door so they could leave the room, "Now, for the next step in Leo-ology. Follow me." and he led them out into the hallway. Trent was surprisingly upbeat, he wanted to get on to the next step. But what could it be? He was dressed, he knew how to be sexy, what more? "Now, you learn how to make sexy faces." Leo walked them into a well lit room with a large mirror on one wall. Upon stepping up to the mirror, Trent could see his image on a video screen on a different wall. "I can take still photos of your face and help you to make it more sexy. Give Dizzy some sexy looks and you've got her for sure!" Trent tried one of his usual looks. "Now, come on, that's not a serious try," Leo said and Trent tried another patented Reznor look. "Treeeent," Leo said.
"I'm trying!" Trent whined.
"There's a good look," Leo said and took a picture. "Now try again! You have to have more than one sexy look!" Leo grinned.
"But, I don't know how!" Trent looked at the mirror in frustration.
"GOOD! Another one!" Leo snapped a picture. "Now, Trent, we're almost to the finish line, she's gonna ravish you like an animal!" Leo said.
"Uh, don't you mean?" Trent began.
"What?" Leo asked.
"Nevermind," Trent said, knowing better than to question Leo. Trent was excited. He smiled at the mirror and Leo took another still photo, then Trent puckered his lips and Leo snapped another still.
"Good, now let me print out these photos of your sexy looks so you can study them." Leo said, "After I am done pringting them for you, it's time for the final step in Leo-ology! I am so proud of you Trent, no man has ever gone through Leo-ology training in less than a day!!"
Trent smiled, he was sort of proud too. The day had been weird, but he was starting to enjoy himself, maybe Leo was the right choice. Of course, he'd never admit it. Leo was...odd to say the least. Leo brought the pictures over to Trent. They were sort of sexy, Trent thought and smirked, humming "I'm too Sexy" to himself. Leo brought them back to the living room. The piles of porn scattered throughout.
"What's the last step in Leo-ology?" Trent asked.
"I'm so glad you asked!" Leo pulled out his notebook, flipped a page, "Now this step is the most difficult to complete. Since you've been so quick with all the other steps, I know you'll get it in no time!"
"Wait a second... MOST difficult?" Trent stammered. It brought back images of their trip to the mall.
"Yes," Leo said and had a glazed over look in his eyes, "The last step is to be at one in Leo-ology, you must come to understand the completeness of being..." Leo emphasized "LEO!"
Trent still had those awful images and the haunting sound of 'Shake your Bon Bon' and that awful picture of Ricky Martin, stuck in his head. "So, what is the step?" Trent asked, waiting somewhat impatienly for an answer.
"The last step to Leo-ology is..." Leo made the words linger Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Leo got up to get it. "It's the Goddess," he shouted at Trent, "She wants to talk to you!"
Trent got up, Leo could tell him the final step after he talked to Minerva.
"Trent, I need to talk to you," the Goddess said and pulled Trent out of Leo's place.
"I need to finish the final step of Leo-ology," Trent said in cult-like anticipation.
"It can wait," she said, then dragged him down the steps and to her car. "This is important, Trent. We have to go back to your place and talk."
"But Leo-ology!" Trent whined.
"It can wait! Lame Girl had some problems with Daisy but it's taken care of. Now I need to talk to you, away from Leo. He'll wait for you, don't worry." Goddess said, put Trent in the car, locked the doors and drove back to his place.
Trent snapped out of his daze at the mention of a problem with Daisy. "What happened?!" Trent sounded worried. "Is Daisy ok??! PLEASE TELL ME SHE'S OK!!!"
"Daisy is fine! Let's just get to your place so we can have a talk!" Minerva said with exasperation.
"But what did Lame Girl do?" Trent asked, concered about Daisy May.
"Nothing, she just....it's not important, Lame Girl just doesn't want to babysit her for awhile. But I took care of everything, so don't worry." Minerva replied.
"So what do you want to talk to me about?" Trent asked, still concerned about daisy but since Minerva said it was okay, he decieded to let it go, for now.
"It's about Queen Dizzy." she answered calmly.
Trent got nervous again, "Is something wrong?? Did I upset her??!"
"Calm down, it's nothing like that," Minerva replied.
"Then what is it, I need to know," Trent said, breaking out in a sweat again and trying to roll down the windows.
"Trent if you don't stop it, I am going to stop this car right now and you won't find out what we need to talk about!" she said sounding mad, "Just CALM DOWN and wait until we get to your house!!"
Trent stopped hyperventilating and curled up in a fetal position until they arrived outside his house. It took him a few minutes to compose himself and then he got out of the car and went inside the house."Now what is it?" he asked minerva calmly, afraid that she'd yell at him.
"I don't know what's gotten into you lately. I try so hard to let Dizzy know you really care. And then you call her in the middle of the night whining about how much you need her?! I thought we went through this. I thought you understood that you were supposed to wait until I said it was ok to call her!" Minerva sighed.
"But it was too long to wait," Trent whined.
"Don't even get me started about time," Minerva said with her hands on her hips, "You know how I get about that subject."
Trent nodded. "So that's what you wanted to talk to me about?" he asked looking terribly helpless. Leo snapped a picture.
"Leo!" Minerva threatened and he sulked away. "Now listen to me... you need to call her up now and apologize.. then ask her if you can make it up to her by taking her out for dinner." Minerva said while checking to make sure Leo was really gone.
"You think it'll work?" Trent asked doubtfully.
"You question me?" Minerva asked and raised her eyebrow, "Of course it'll work! Now deciede where you're going to take her, wash up, get dressed and call her."
"What if she says no?" Trent asked. "All that work for nothing?"
"Don't worry," Minerva replied and shooed him upstairs. Minerva made sure Daisy had her water bowl filled and set out her dinner.
Trent washed up and dressed in his new "sexy" clothes. "Where should I take her?" he pondered, "I wonder if I should ask Leo. Maybe that was the last part of Leo-ology?? Damnit! I wish I had learned the last step!!" Trent picked up the phone and called Leo's house. There was no answer. "Should I even bother calling his cell phone??! No..." Trent thought and looked in the mirror, "Well... yes.." Trent dialed the number.
"You've reached the Latin Satin's voicemail 'rrrowrrrrr'" a message stated.
Trent hung up and decided to get pizza. It seemed so right.. and besides, if she didn't show up he could drown his sorrows in it. He dialed Dizzy's number and the phone rang.
"Hello?" Dizzy answered when she picked it up.
"Uh.. hi Queen Dizzy.." Trent said meekly, "I just wanted to apologize for last night. I'm sorry I called you like that." Dizzy was quiet. "Could I take you to dinner to make up for it, I was planning on going out for some pizza, wanna come along?" Trent asked, hoping he'd said the right thing.
"Just a simple pizza, no declarations of undying love and such?" Dizzy asked.
"No, I'll be good," Trent replied and tried not to recite a new cheesy poem he'd written.
"Alright," Dizzy said finally.
Trent breathed a sigh of relief. "Great! I'll pick you up in about an hour!" After he hung up he started doing his "I'm too Sexy" dance routine.
Minerva knocked on his bedroom door. "Did you call her yet?? Are you done getting ready??" she asked through the door.
"Um....yeah, she said okay, I'm almost ready" Trent said and pulled himself together and opened the door.
"Now, remember, no flowers, no poems, no Daisy symphathy cry, I expect you to be on your best behavior," Minerva said Minerva looked at Trent, "Well aren't YOU dressed to impress... did you borrow clothes from someone?"
Trent shrugged. "No, I went with Leo.." Trent decided it wasn't a good idea to let her know that he asked Leo for help with Dizzy. "er.. I have had this in my closet since the 80's. I decided to wear it because you won't let me try to woo Dizzy tonight."
"I see..." Minerva looked at him skeptically.
"I'm a little nervous," Trent said "What if she doesn't show up?"
"She will," Minerva said, "What exactly did Leo tell you?"
"What do you mean?" Trent asked.
"What's Leo-ology and why were you trying to learn it?" Minerva asked.
"I was gonna fire him, he was convincing me not to," Trent said avoiding Minerva's eyes.
"Uh huh," Minerva replied, "Well at any rate, you need to get over there or she'll think you changed your mind."
"Ok," Trent smiled, "I'm gonna go pick up the Queen!" He ran down the stairs.
Minerva followed him to the door. "Remember what I said!!!" she shook her finger at him.
"I will!" Trent ran to his silver porche, "Thanks Minerva!!" he yelled from the car before driving off. Trent arrived early, sat down and waited for Dizzy, he looked around. A cute couple with kids, no best not to look over there, for some reason parents were a little freaked out by Trent at times. A few odd looking people, and some people he couldn't see. Trent played with the napkins, made some birds out of them and waited. Then he saw Dizzy come in.
"I thought you said you were going to pick me up, Trent.." Dizzy said looking at him, "but when you said you wouldn't try to woo me, I figured you wouldn't try to pick me up in your car. I'm very impressed with you." she smiled.
"Really?" Trent smiled and Dizzy could swear she saw a twinkle.
"Definitely, it's a very nice start," Dizzy replied and sat down Trent was so excited, so far so good, Leo-ology may just be working. He called the waiter over and ordered a large deep dish pizza.
"Would you like any toppings?" the waiter asked.
"Dizzy, what would you like on the pizza?" Trent turned to her.
"Why don't you order?" Dizzy asked and continued looking at a curious person who had just caught her eye. "Very odd," she thought.
Trent ordered the pizza and noticed that Dizzy was distracted. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"That guy over there, I don't know what it is.. but he looks familiar," Dizzy replied.
"Well.. you don't have to look at him." Trent said, "When we finish eating, if he is still here and making you feel uncomfortable, I can go over there and kick his ass." he sounded concerned.
Dizzy blushed, "It's alright you don't have to, we can finish eating and he doesn't really bother me, he just looks familar."
"Well if you change your mind," Trent said "The offer is still on the table." Dizzy looked again, it dawned on her, Leo. What was he doing here?
Meanwhile, Minerva was at Trent's house making sure Daisy didn't get too rowdy. She wondered how Trent's date with Dizzy was going. "I hope he doesn't fuck it up. Dizzy would be so dissapointed if he did." she lamented.
Lame Girl brought the pizza and after seeing Trent ran away from the the table. "I wonder what's wrong with her," Trent said.
"Daisy was a little irratable today, it's nothing really," Dizzy said and nibbled on the pizza. "You know who that guy is?" Dizzy asked. Leo snuck closer to the table disguised as a plant.
"No, but I will kick his ass," Trent said and started to get up.
"You don't need to," Dizzy replied as the plant stood next to Trent.
"Are you sure? He's getting on my nerves." Trent turned to look at the plant standing next to him, "GO AWAY!!"
Dizzy giggled. "Just sit down and relax. Have some of the pizza." she smiled. Trent's heart nearly melted when he saw her angelic smile. He thought he died and went to heaven and wanted so much to recite the poem he wrote for her, now. But then he remembered his promise to the Goddess. No wooing. Trent slid back into his chair. "It's Leo," Dizzy giggled and said after Trent had sat down.
"No!" Trent scoffed.
"Yeah, I just knew he was out of place. Now have some pizza!" Dizzy replied and smiled.
"He followed me!" Trent said getting irked. The plant poked him in the ass and went back to being normal. "I'm gonna strangle that plant," Trent said and shook the plant. Dizzy giggled at the spectacle, Trent and Leo looked at her.
"What?!" they asked.
"Nothing, you're just funny that's all." Queen Dizzy laughed, "Are you going to eat any of this pizza or what, Trent?" she grinned as she took another bite.
"You're enjoying yourself?" Trent asked.
"It's much more enjoyable than I thought it would be," Dizzy replied, "You can kick the shit out of Leo later, but if you want any of the pizza you'd better have at it now."
"Alright man," Leo said "Can I have some?"
"For honestly trying to help Trent... maybe," Dizzy replied.
Trent looked at Leo and then at Dizzy, "How did you know he was trying to help me??" he whined, "Were you in on this the WHOLE time?!"
Just then, Minerva waltzed into the pizza place with Daisy on a leash.
"Honestly?" Dizzy mused, "Not the entire time, but...." she paused and played with Daisy.
"But what?" Trent asked.
"Well," Minerva chimed in, "When we saw Leo at that store with all those freaky clothes this afternoon, he told us what was going on."
Trent glared at Leo. "So I went through Leo-ology for nothing?"
Leo looked hurt. "Leo- ology is for a better life, not just for a date!"
"It's not really a date," Trent said trying to cover up.
"Isn't it?" Dizzy asked, Daisy hopped up next to her.
Trent was feeling very confused. "I thought... you didn't want me to woo you..?" he pouted, "What's going on?"
Minerva sighed, "Trent, didn't I tell you to LISTEN to me and follow my directions??!"
"Yes, but now it seems that she'd have gone out with me without... Wait, you mean this was all a test?"
"Not really, we were curious if you'd go through with Leo-ology," Dizzy replied.
"Yeh, when we saw Leo and he told us, we told him not to get too carried away." Minerva looked at Leo, and scolded him. "But he didn't listen and kept feeding you his Leo-ology. I'll bet you were traumatized. You poor thing."
Trent did puppy eyes, "I'm okay..."
"But I didn't say yes because of pity. I honestly meant what I said last night," Dizzy said.
"Now, Leo, let's get out of here, you go home and I'll take Daisy home...alone" Minerva said.
"Wait," Trent said "What's the last step of Leo-ology?"
Leo's limbs wilted. "You'd have to go through the course again to find out!"
"Eww! No Way!!!" Trent screamed.
"Bah! I'll bet it's something perverted like watching freaky pornos or something." Minerva laughed.
"No!" Leo said "The final step is very important, those are the basic steps...I mean...well it's not watching pornos!"
"Oh come on Leo, just tell us," Dizzy said.
Leo tugged at his shirt collar. "It's... the most... difficult step..." he stammered, "it can't be TOLD. It must be shown!"
Dizzy, Minerva, Trent and Daisy all cringed at the thought. "Alright Leo, perhaps...why don't...let's just...nevermind Leo," Dizzy said.
Leo scratched his plant ass, "Good, I wanna get home and slip into something more comfortable." And Leo did, in the darkness of his own home, he tangoed in his mirror room wearing his favorite polka dot thong.
Minerva took care of Daisy for the night. Trent took Dizzy home and then went home to wash away the Leo-ology he endured. But sometimes, even now, when Trent hears "Shake Your Bon Bon" he starts to walk the "latin satin" walk.
-dizzy
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