Chapter 1 - WHEN DEATH COMES A KNOCKIN'
Below is the Introduction to, "When Death Comes A Knockin'."
each chapter in the book is preceded by selected scriptures taken from the Bible, for I believe there is no recovery without God.
The Serenity Prayer
God, Grant me the serenity to
ACCEPT the things I cannot change,
the COURAGE to change the things I can,
and the WISDOM to know the difference.
(Author Unknown)
Chapter One
Introduction
Death! Just the mere thought or mention of this simple five-letter word, especially used in the context of the death of human beings immediately invokes images of something cold, dark, spooky, and scary enough to cause the hairs on the nape of your neck to protrude straight out. It is this reaction that causes us to not allow our minds to go beyond this image and so we try our best not to think about death, especially so we will not have to deal with it.
We believe that if we allow ourselves to think about death, we may have to deal with all of the baggage that goes along with it. Baggage that includes fear, fear that we might be left alone to face the world and it’s problems. It can also cause us to think about our own mortality. Baggage that includes pain that does not go away by simply taking a pill. Baggage that includes anger, sometimes not knowing exactly who to aim it at so everyone around us falls victim to it. Anger that sometimes makes us victims of our own circumstances.
But there is nothing simple about death. Regardless of how many times we are faced with it by the loss of someone close to us, we never get used to death. Each occurrence can have different impacts on our lives. Even if you have managed to overcome the loss of a love one through death in the past it is not to say that you will react the same way the next time you are faced with death.
It is like the old saying, the straw that breaks the camel’s back, when dealing with death. It only takes one time, that one straw that may causes the wind to be knocked out of us. Death is like a sucker punch. Any time it happens, it catches you off guard and knocks the wind out of you, regardless of how many times you have lost a love one through death. You may have experienced it before, but you never get used to it. Even if the death is expected, and you think you have prepared yourself for when it finally happens, think again.
There is no amount of preparation that can prepare you fully for the death of a love one. Remember you are preparing yourself for a loss while the person is still alive. You may possibly still be able to see them, touch them, etc. But when they do die, you will find that you have not because now you really are faced with the fact that your love one is no longer here. You can not see or touch them like you have been able to and that reality is oftentimes too much to absorb especially when the loss first happens.
And it is that dark cold bleak description that we all have of death that is probably the main reason why so many of us shy away from talking about it. But, by not talking about death, does that prevent death from happening? For the life in me, I wish it did.
Many people have revealed that there is a fear that if they talk about death, it just might happen to them or someone close to them so they avoid the subject like the plague. Or they feel that if they do not talk about death, they do not have to deal with it, that they are not looking for trouble, so to speak, as if that is enough to keep death from occurring.
Like it or not, death is something we must all face at one time or another, as death has been occurring since the beginning of time and occurs in all families.
To say we all must face death at one time or another does not mean that we must accept it or become comfortable with it as a natural part of our lives. It is a natural occurrence, in that it occurs on a daily basis and has been occurring since the sins of Adam and Eve. But in no way is the act of death itself natural.
The idea of seeing someone who was once full of life in the lifeless state of death just does not register naturally in the mind. To touch of the cold stiff body is much more than our minds can truly understand. God did not intend for us to die. Death came as a punishment to Adam and Eve for disobeying him in the Garden of Eden.
If death were natural, then facing it any other time after the first time would or should not affect us, right? Oh, how I wish this was the case also. But, oh how it does affect us and in many ways that are unrecognizable or unimaginable to our psyche.
It is not natural and no matter how many times we are confronted with death, it often sends most of us into a tumultuous whirlwind of emotions and feelings that it is a miracle that many of us to do recover after facing it. Or do we really recover from the loss of a love one through death?
Our changed behavior or attitude to death touching us in some way is our tell-all sign of what it does to us when it happens. Especially when we try pretending it did not happen, all the while hoping and praying it will go away as quickly or as abruptly as it happened.
I have talked to many of my colleagues that come from small families and some of them have admitted that they could not remember ever losing someone in their immediate friend or family circle and as such, they have never really had to deal with death, long term anyway. Sure they knew someone who may have died, but it was not to someone in their inner family or friend circle to cause any type of change in their personal lives.
I envy them but I also pray for them because they have no idea of what they are in for when they are faced with death and losing someone they love. That is not to say death only happens in large families. But death occurs more frequently in some families than others mainly because of the enormous size of some families. Quite naturally the law of averages is against the larger size families in this case. The more people involved the more chances that it can happen. It is just that simple.
So when it does happen to us, in our family, how do we handle it? The answers to this question are so multi-faceted as there is no one or correct answer to this dilemma. Everyone deals with this unnatural occurrence in many different ways. As the popular saying goes, “Different strokes for different folks,” and this certainly is true in the case of dealing with death and the loss of a love one."
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