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Valkyrie IX - Send in the Clones by Jules
1st Runner Up for Best Round Robin in the 2001 Farscape Fanfic Awards
Part Nine of Nine in this Round Robin Series
Valkyrie IX - Send in the Clones, by Jules
Disclaimer: They’re not mine, I don’t own ‘em, just please let me use your characters for a little while and I promise to return them as well as they began this ficlet. Which isn’t saying much, I might add. Thanks in advance.
Disclaimer #2: This disclaimer is not mine. I don’t own it, just usin’ it for a little while. The title Valkyrie ain’t mine either, but what the heck, in for a penny, in for a pound (something else that isn’t mine – frell!)
Oh, and once again, a multitude of thanks to unohoo for Beta Reading and generally kick-starting this whole project. Although, why she thinks Valkyrie 8 was the LAST of the season is beyond me. 3:0) LOL!
Location: Hell, Michigan and a Gammak Base
Grid Coordinates: CLASSIFIED
“I’ve GOT to get this installment finished. I promised Unohoo weeks ago, and I can’t seem to get on track.” Jules muttered to her still blank computer screen. “Something or someone always seems to get in the way. And that TITLE! How moronic can it get?”
“I wouldn’t worry about moronic, duckie.” Jules swung wildly around in her chair and jumped to her feet, trying to see where the voice had come from. There wasn’t SUPPOSED to be anyone else at home today!
“Lookin for me?” Lounging against the back of the livingroom couch was none other than John Crichton, P.I., white t-shirt, chinos, hat and all. “You looked like you could use some help with that story, so I thought I’d stop by.”
“Whew! Thank god it’s you, John! For a minute there I thought I’d lost it!” Jules exclaimed with obvious relief.
“Why? Is it better if a SHARED hallucination visits you, rather than one you just thought up on your own?” JC, P.I. looked quite amused.
“Now that you mention it,” Jules muttered, “I guess it’s not THAT much better. So, since you’re here, you gonna help me with the story, or just take up my precious time?”
”Tsk, tsk, Toots. Don’t get bitchy with ME! You’re the one having the hallucination after all. Suppose you tell me what you’re SUPPOSED to be writing about and we’ll see if I can help you.”
“Okay, here’s where the story stands to date.” Jules sat back down at her keyboard. “Scorpius appears to have fallen in love with Zavtig, the Valkyrie, and Lt. Braca thinks he’s gone soft in the head. Which he probably has. Anyway, the Commander of the Special Forces is visiting the base, trying to decide whether to cut off Scorpy’s funding and well, Scorpy’s holed up in the sack with the singer!”
“Snort!” A rather ungraceful sound exploded from behind Jules’s head, in the kitchen this time. “I can just IMAGINE old gator jaws in bed with ANYONE!”
“John?” John Crichton, P.I. peered down the hall, towards the kitchen. “T-John, as I live and breathe...”
”Oh, can it, cliché breath. Since you neither live NOR breathe, you might as well shut up and let someone who KNOWS what’s going on have a shot at it.” TalynJohn was INDEED in Jules’ kitchen, and for once, she found herself speechless. For, standing next to TJ was the spitting image of Zhaan. And, flanking her, were Stark and Aeryn.
“Well. Don’t everyone just stand here gawking. Let’s get what we came for and get the frell out of here.” Aeryn looked as impatient and stern as her PK persona allowed.
“Aeryn, Stark, Zhaan…How did YOU all get here?” Jules was obviously out of her depth with this group.
“Just be thankful we convinced D’Argo and Chiana to stay behind. We’d NEVER finish if those two had come.” If it were possible, Aeryn looked even more annoyed than she had a moment ago.
Zhaan patted Aeryn’s arm: “There, there, dear. I don’t think Jules is worried about how many of us there are. I just think she’s wondering how you and I and Stark managed to enter her hallucination. Isn’t that it, dear?” Zhaan tried to look reassuringly at Jules.
“Yes, exactly. How did you all GET here? I mean, I know about Neural Clone John giving up the ghost and TalynJohn dying and leaving a remnant in Stark’s mask, but Zhaan? Aeryn? Stark???? Stark isn’t even dead. Nor is Aeryn as far as I know. Is there something you all aren’t telling me? Did the show get canceled and no one TOLD us? Did Season 3 really end with “Everyone’s Funeral” like Froonium Ricky said?” Jules sounded quite upset at this point.
JC, P.I. came over to her and put his arm around her shoulders. He gently lowered her into her computer chair. “Can’t any of you see that you’ve upset this kind lady? Here, she’s let us into her stories and her head and her home. I think it would be nice of US to at least give her a little breathing room here. Stark, make her a cup of tea, will you?”
Stark bustled around the kitchen, banging pots and cups and cursing under his breath, while Zhaan, Aeryn and the Johns gathered around the computer, trying to read over Jules’ shoulders.
“Here’s the deal, guys. Scorpius has put himself out on a limb by becoming involved with one of his test subjects. And SHE has managed to foul up the entire experiment single-handedly with her singing. All this, plus an audit by the Commander. I see a chance for Lt. Braca to make his move and unseat the old goat, what do you all think?” Jules rapidly hit keystroke after keystroke, opening several “windows” on her monitor screen showing the various Valkyrie chapters, ending with Scorpius’ musings at the end of Valkyrie VIII.
“Well my dear, I supposed we COULD help you out here.” Zhaan folded her arms across her chest. “But no foolishness this time. I refuse to perform any unnatural acts with that “animal”, whatever you might LIKE to write.” She was obviously still upset by the abortive attempt at unity that she unwittingly performed on the neural clone of Scorpius named Harvey. “By the way, has anyone SEEN that no good, lying, scheming….” Zhaan sputtered…”since HE died? I don’t suppose we know what HE’S up to now, do we?”
“I have no idea, Zhaan. Since I’m just a remnant of Aeryn’s spirit leftover from her death on the Ice Planet, I haven’t even SEEN the Scorpius Clone. As a matter of fact, this trip is the first I’ve seen most of YOU since my death. How do you all keep in touch, anyway?” Aeryn asked.
“Oh, no worries, baby. Jules or one of the other fanfic writers brings us to these get-togethers fairly often.” T-John moved closer to Aeryn. “They just can’t seem to let go, you know? I think they’re hoping you and I will …. You know.”
”I most certainly do NOT know what you are talking about, John Crichton. I probably shouldn’t even be speaking to you, since, in effect, it was you who caused my death in the first place.” Aeryn crossed her arms in a huff and turned her back on them all, especially TalynJohn.
“My tea, your tea, my tea, your tea…” Stark appeared in the doorway with a tray full of steaming mugs. “Would anyone like sweetener in their tea? I have sweetener here, I think, as well as a whitish fluid that smells like it might be an acceptable addition to this “tea” stuff.” He looked around at his friends, a smile fading from his face as he noticed the obvious divisions amongst them. “Oh dear. I hope I’m not too late with the tea. We’re not fighting, are we?” Stark hurried up the stairs with the tray only to ….
“Wait a minute!!” Jules hollered in her best “mom” voice. “We’re NOT tripping and spilling tea in MY house. If you want to make a mess, you can just go BACK into the story and mess up Scorpius’ Gammak base. You leave MY stuff alone!” She stood up and glared her best glare at each of the clones in turn. “For that matter, I think it’s time you all left anyway. The Commander will be leaving soon, and Lt. Braca needs to wake Scorpius up now. Don’t you all have JOBS to do??? Hmmm??” The look on Jules’ face left no room for argument.
“Since you put it that way…” Stark’s face was downcast as he backed out of the room, tea tray intact in his hands.
“Yes, yes. We’d best be going.” Zhaan pulled her shawl around her shoulders and followed Stark.
“We were just about to go,” TalynJohn put a hand under Aeryn’s elbow and steered her towards the door.
“Yes indeedy, little lady. We’ll just mosey along over to Scorpy’s now. Don’t you worry about a thing. We’ll get that story all fixed up for you in no time. OH, and Happy New Year, darlin.” John Crichton, P.I. was the last to leave, tipping his hat and whistling “Auld Lang Syne” as he left.
“Whew! I thought they’d NEVER leave.” Jules muttered to her still blank computer screen…
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“Lt. Braca, get in here!!” Granny Crais exclaimed. Having entered Scorpius’ quarters and found him asleep in the arms of the voluptuous Zavtig when he SHOULD have been hard at work in the research center, the Commander was ready to terminate more than the wormhole project….
The End of Season 1 - The Valkyrie
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