Why Can't I Stop Using Alcohol & Drugs
There are vast amounts of information out there on the subject of alcohol and drug addiction, and my goal is to keep it real. I've seen what can work and I know the potential each human has and can choose to use, if the desire is there and the right information and motivation is available.
I must emphasize that I believe in the value of each person, and like myself, each must come to terms with who they are, what they desire, and their own way of finding it. My purpose here is not to convince anyone of how right one way is or better than another, but to share what I have learned in the process and hope that it will encourage others to do the same.
I have often heard the question, “Why do I drink or drug?” Or, “Why can’t I stop using alcohol or drugs?” These questions, I believe, miss the mark. The more important question is the “what” question. “What do alcohol and drugs give me?” “What has life presented to me that I believe cannot be handled without my loyal six-pack or pipe?” “What would happen to me if I could not depend on using alcohol or drugs?”
The answer is simple and nothing new. Those who drink or drug will do anything to avoid fear. "What" they get is a temporary fix or way out. It is human nature to choose what we perceive will give us the most happiness at any given moment. Fear hinders this process.
Fear is often secondary to the disease concept in most recovery programs. I believe this gives people a “false hope” that if they obtain a mastery over this insidious disease they will obtain a life of happiness. However, they find out this is not the case when they are presented with a negative life experience and end up using alcohol or drugs again.
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Why? Because they believe (perceive) the situation will be unmanageable if they do not run and hide in a bottle or pipe. The avoidance of fear is greater than resolving the conflict in a positive manner.
Addiction is our ability to control fear in a way we perceive as most effective for a particular situation. To control this fear is the motivation and alcohol and drugs serve this purpose well.
In the end, the person struggling with an addiction must come to realize that his/her individual worth is not because he/she is “sober” or “addicted” but because he/she is alive.
The addict will continue to use until he/she is convinced that they can successfully live life without the use of alcohol or drugs.
The Forgotten-Five Steps
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I must expand here for I do not believe the alcohol or drug user is inept or deficient in any way. They are not any different than the non-addicted person. Sure they may have a mess to clean up with family and friends, but their desire to avoid fear and obtain happiness is the same as anyone’s. Some overeat, some exercise too much, some close themselves off and become bitter, some work too much, some drink or use drugs, etc. The bottom line is balancing how we cope with our fear in life and still be able to function in a healthy way.
But how do we decide this balance? How do we determine what is healthy or unhealthy for each of us individually?
The question I often ask myself is "What statement do I want to give to the world?" This is individual and powerful for each individual. It cannot be taught to them or forced upon them with consequences and threats. Consequences and threats can be a motivation to change only if the person realizes their current choice of behavior does not match their inner desire and focus of who they want to be and choose for their life.
So the answer lies in our ability to realize who we are and who we want to be. But how?
I get this question a lot. So I decided to create a guide that will help you. In the ebook “The Forgotten Five-Steps” I explain a simple program that will allow you to do this. I also will give you online help and coaching. I believe it is important to invest in your life and obtain accountability. $25 is a small price compared to the thousands of dollars traditional rehabs and programs charge. The money is secondary to me, I’m looking for a commitment. Instead of going out and smoking or drinking this money, decide right now to invest in something that will give you the ability to define your life as you want it to be. I will send it to you free if you are short on money, but for most I would encourage you to purchase it.
You have probably been through the programs and know all the info. Forget all that and decide now that you want more, that you want hope.
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