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On Forgiveness
-by Laurie Abbo
Forgiving can be broken down into two words, if one chooses to do so: For Giving. By doing this, it makes it clearer to me what forgiving really is all about. It is for giving to one's self the gift of freedom and allowing the same for another- freedom from being beholden or holding on to something which doesn't serve anyone. For giving one's self and the other the gift of putting neither in a position to be judged. What greater gift could one possibly give to any situation? And what greater way of using the situation for something other than bad feelings?
I have also heard many say, "I will forgive you, but I will never forget." To me, this is a prison sentence. It sounds as if you better watch your next step, for this person is keeping tabs, he forgives you, but he doesn't trust you. And what kind of relationship can you have if you are not trusting?
The first and most important forgiveness is to one's self in all situations. If someone has hurt or injured you, of course, if you are feeling in good self-standing, you would be quick to forgive that person, yet, isn't forgiving someone and admission that someone has done you wrong? I believe that we create our own realities, and that we bring to ourselves at every moment, that which we need to grow and evolve. With this belief, you really cannot accuse another of doing you wrong, as your higher self created this situation as a gift to you, so you could have a deeper understanding and the potential of a great healing or revelation to something that is coming up for you.
So, with this manner of thinking, then what is forgiveness? If another, in this sense, cannot do something to forgive, then what? I believe forgiveness is mainly for one's self. For, if it is for the other person, then you are holding them in judgment. Forgiving, really then, is for the self, for having made a judgment about the situation in the first place.
How often do we react to a perceived wrong done to us in a negative way? And how often do we choose to use this to feel guilt, anxiety, revengeful, angry, hurt by the act of feeling we were wronged, thus making ourselves to be victims?
I am not saying to shut your emotions and feelings off when someone has seemingly wronged you, I am saying that it might be in your best interest to rise above it, and use it as an opportunity to see it in another light. If you are really angry and hurt, it could also be a very good thing to do to release the anger first by beating a pillow, screaming, cursing, whatever you need to do by yourself, of course. And just release the anger. When you face your fears, and all negativity, in general, from a higher perspective, you make it possible to use it as the situation it was meant to be used for, for learning, growth and to evolve from. I believe all experiences are tools for growth, especially the ones that cause us to feel something negative.
From this higher place, we can start seeing why we created this situation to happen in the first place. If we believe it is the other person who needs to be forgiven for the act that was "done" to us, then we could possibly continue to hold that person with suspicion and mistrust and fail to miss the lesson and learning it came about for in the first place.
Why not take this higher opportunity to see this event as something which you created for your own growth and learning, send some light and understanding to the "wrong doer" and forgive yourself if you have chosen to create something negative out of this. Forgive yourself for having judgment about it.
And speaking of this judgment thing.....
Wars have been fought, countless lives have been shed concerning religion and the forcing of one's beliefs onto another. One of the connecting tenets of almost every religion, belief or practice is to not judge another. So why is there so much fighting going on? Most of us pick and choose what is important to be judged or what is in dire need of judging. If this weren't the case, then there would be no coercing others to believe as we do. No judgment means no judgment! And the sooner we learn that we cannot make exceptions, the sooner we will be at peace in this world. Non judgment applies to one's self every bit as much as it does to another. This is why to forgiveness is for giving....Giving the gift of understanding and the allowing of growth of all parties involved.
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