Dealing With Anger

A number carry the perception that anger should be avoided at all costs. This is actually a misguided notion – for if one avoids anger, one merely succeeds in suppressing it, thus forcing it to build up. This repressed anger eventually bursts forth in bouts of temper and acts of hostility. In order to deal effectively with anger, we need to fully understand what this anger is. Apart from being one of the most powerful of emotions, it can also be complex, creative and stimulating, whilst it simultaneously can also the most potentially destructive of emotions. If anger is not coped with constructively, it will either express its power inward, and create havoc on the body and soul, or turn itself outward, at the expense of others. Anger can be either friend or foe, depending to a large degree upon our personal respect for this human emotion, and whether it flows from love, or comes forth from resentment and hurt.

Instead of suppressing our anger, let us rather learn to work with it, in such a manner that it's impact and frequency becomes much reduced. We need to transform this anger energy into something more nourishing and uplifting.

Please ask yourself if you fear your anger?
Perhaps ask yourself again, and this time, wonder if you can befriend your anger?

These two sentences are rather important –for we end up fighting a continuous battle with all that which we have not befriended. Make peace with your own anger – should you find yourself fighting against it, or with it – believe me – it will only fight back! You see, a losing battle indeed! It is our own fear of anger which turns it into our enemy. The antidote is to make friends with it, and allow it to become our alley instead.

Anger, it must be understood is a part of human nature, and thus cannot be eradicated into non existence. The little secret however is in that we can befriend it in such a manner that it looses much of it's solitary power of destructive _expression. This can be achieved to such an extent, that one very seldom becomes angry, nor finds the need to. There are always various options in which to deal with any given situation. One can seek a resolve in a peaceful manner, or one can opt to resort to anger.
Make peace with your own anger –and thus allow it in turn to become peace.
Next time anger rears it head – turn towards yourself, and say hello to it: "Hey – I know you, you are my anger, come let us have a little chat". (Now we are heading towards self motivating inner talk).
Whatever you bottle up within is going to want to find a release sooner or later. The more you bottle up, the greater that fountain of emotion will be when it erupts. Any negative feeling will react this way. Because we have not effectively coped with our pent up emotion, it becomes reactive, and defensive = it becomes anger, or bitterness. Whichever emotion you experience that is bothersome, please do not fight it! Recognise it, become acquainted with it, acknowledge it – and BEFRIEND IT! It is only once you have stopped reacting to your own emotion, once you have stopped fighting your own emotion, that it will in turn stop fighting back! Anger can be seen as an inner conflict (when one fights with oneself), which can express itself outward. (then one fights with another). Effectively what you are doing is changing those emotions into notions of love (by befriending it). You have transformed them!! When they next wish to express themselves, they will do so in the garment of love, and no longer in the cloak of anger, fear, resentment, etc…..

We all balance between negative and positive poles of energy each and every day. There will be days when we feel we are leaning in closer proximity to the negative side, and other days where the positive energy is in abundance. And thus we are in constant search and attempt to find our own equilibrium – a happy balance. If and when one does become welled up in anger, it is indeed best to find some sort of release for it. Otherwise, it can result in the manifest of illness. There are many ways in which anger release can be achieved – but without digressing into that vast arena, allow me to merely mention that it is not even necessary to experience anger at all!!

Why does one need to succumb to the throes of anger, when one can express oneself in so many alternative ways? The trick would be to eradicate anger from one’s _expression to as large an extent as possible - and find peace. Inner peace knows of no anger. There is no constructive need to succumb to anger, other than to be the slave of one’s own ego. Anger becomes totally superfluous once one has mastered oneself to such and extent that fear no longer needs to find it’s scapegoat in anger.

Some of you may readily agree that to gain control over one’s thoughts (and thus emotions) must be one the more illusive things we as humans are challenged with. In order to be in control of how we think, and even more so of what we think requires that we understand what aspects in us actually govern the way that we think. Surely there must be those amongst us who would wish to entertain more loving thoughts, or thoughts of greater positivity, you name it. Yet, relentlessly we catch ourselves caught within a web of thoughts that appear into our minds time and time again. An important aspect of our thoughts is that invariably we will feel and experience emotion in accordance to how we think.

If we take a look at the general makeup of our behaviour, we come to realise that thought is governed by basically three criteria. One may feel a need to be in control of oneself or of a situation, where another may need to feel acceptance, and yet another may require (need) some sense of security. I know this sounds like a nutshell, but basically we are governed by these three needs. It is either one (or more) of these needs which determine, and by large, influence our negative thinking patterns. Holding onto these needs actually restricts us beyond measure in our freedom of thought, and hence emotion. To be in greater control of how we think, how we react and how we feel, we need to release our thoughts by letting go of these needs.

How to go about this?
For instance, when you catch yourself wrapped up in emotions and thoughts of anger (those wishing for greater spirituality in their lives will already know that anger has no place there), try to trace it back to one of the above mentioned needs. Once you have been able to determine that need, try to release it. But be warned – this could result in an immense sense of freedom – as you will suddenly realise how much better you feel and think without that need restricting you. As this method would work for the emotion and thought relating to anger, it likewise would work for any other negative notions, such as hatred, nervousness, stress, fear.

This article was inspired through the realisation that so many people speak of working out one’s anger by expressing it. The message I thought of bringing to those who are interested, is that there actually is no need to be angry, judgemental, revengeful, etc….. Can you imagine yourself embraced by such inner peace, whereby anger just simply does not feature at all? Anger very much involves the way in which we think. Our reactions to others are based upon the way in which we think. The emotions within us are similarly a result of how we think.

It is quite possible to experience life without anger!

Be responsible for your own thoughts now, and eliminate anger from your system as best you can.

Dealing With Anger

by Linda M. Francis