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Love and Fear
-by Daryl Herman
Over two 1/2 years ago I discovered what love, fear, and trust is about. I have kept this story to myself, except for a few who are very close to
me. However when I think back to all of the circumstances surrounding why I am alive, I feel I should share a brief explanation.
I was 26 when I found myself sitting my doctor's office with a crushing pain in my chest. A week before I was exercising when I felt, more than
heard, a pop in my chest. The pain was excruciating which forced me to go home, where I fell asleep or passed out. When I awoke, a few hours later, I felt okay. So being young and dumb ( just not knowing any better), I thought I pulled a muscle.
One week later, I started to go blind. My sight went from tunnel vision to the opposite, to no sight. Then my chest started to hurt and luckily my sight returned so I could drive myself to the doctor. But, I still chose to wait until the next day to see a doctor. I had just moved to the area for a new job, so I did not know very many people and did not talk to anyone about what was happening, I foolishly refused to believe anything serious was wrong. Until the next morning when I decided to see my doctor. My new
job provided health care, which was a first for me. I chose my doctor at random not knowing anyone.
I was alone in the doctor's office. After he saw me, he sent me to a friend of his who is an excellent cardiologist, luckily she was able to see me that day. Normally there is a three month waiting list for her. While waiting to see the cardiologist, what my doctor told me started to sink in.
He was not sure, but he strongly felt that I had torn a valve in my heart and an artery when I felt that pop. The pain I was feeling was heart
failure, my blindness was lack of blood flow, as was my inability to climb a flight of stairs. I was dying, and was never more afraid.
I considered myself a Christian and would pray somewhat regularly, but I have not been to church in a long time. I always believed in God's love,
but when I chose to push all fear aside and trust in his love, I felt no self pity and no fear of rejection. I trusted him. I prayed for my life and can only describe what I felt by saying I was calmed. I felt at peace and knew I would live.
Love, fear, and trust are related. Knowing you are loved helps one develop trust and overcome fear. I am happy to be alive.
me. However when I think back to all of the circumstances surrounding why I am alive, I feel I should share a brief explanation.
I was 26 when I found myself sitting my doctor's office with a crushing pain in my chest. A week before I was exercising when I felt, more than
heard, a pop in my chest. The pain was excruciating which forced me to go home, where I fell asleep or passed out. When I awoke, a few hours later, I felt okay. So being young and dumb ( just not knowing any better), I thought I pulled a muscle.
One week later, I started to go blind. My sight went from tunnel vision to the opposite, to no sight. Then my chest started to hurt and luckily my sight returned so I could drive myself to the doctor. But, I still chose to wait until the next day to see a doctor. I had just moved to the area for a new job, so I did not know very many people and did not talk to anyone about what was happening, I foolishly refused to believe anything serious was wrong. Until the next morning when I decided to see my doctor. My new
job provided health care, which was a first for me. I chose my doctor at random not knowing anyone.
I was alone in the doctor's office. After he saw me, he sent me to a friend of his who is an excellent cardiologist, luckily she was able to see me that day. Normally there is a three month waiting list for her. While waiting to see the cardiologist, what my doctor told me started to sink in.
He was not sure, but he strongly felt that I had torn a valve in my heart and an artery when I felt that pop. The pain I was feeling was heart
failure, my blindness was lack of blood flow, as was my inability to climb a flight of stairs. I was dying, and was never more afraid.
I considered myself a Christian and would pray somewhat regularly, but I have not been to church in a long time. I always believed in God's love,
but when I chose to push all fear aside and trust in his love, I felt no self pity and no fear of rejection. I trusted him. I prayed for my life and can only describe what I felt by saying I was calmed. I felt at peace and knew I would live.
Love, fear, and trust are related. Knowing you are loved helps one develop trust and overcome fear. I am happy to be alive.
Email me at: Daryl@velocity.net
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