Christmas Day television 2002

CHRISTMAS DAY TELEVISION 2002

Queen Elizabeth or Queen Vic?

Here we are again, at the end of another television year. A very royal one that gave us the funerals of Princess Margaret, the Queen Mother and on a more positive note, the Golden Jubilee. Like last year, the word turkey did have a double meaning, but does it have double meaning again this year? Bloody ‘Enders is on not just five but SIX times a week thanks to Christmas Day falling on Wednesday; it’s enough to call the Samaritans for! Did Christmas television live up to our expectations this year, we wonder? Let’s find out:

BBC 1 started off with the C-Beebies and CBBC (palindrome) portfolio consisting of BOB THE BUILDER, CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG (courtesy of Scholastic, who methinks are something to do with making school reading cards or something like that). Clifford had a good year in 2002, first of all being part of BBC 2’s holiday summer mornings earlier on this year. PINGU managed to slip in here as well with his Bjork-alike animations. BLUE PETER gave us the first non-repeat of the day, with Konnie Huq and co in festive mood. The Jubilee special, shown earlier on in the year afforded Matt Baker a joke about the Queen reigning for fifty years, despite it raining on Jubilee day itself. Half an hour prior to this, I went to a jubilee party and told exactly the same joke. Psychic or what? CBBC had its Choir of the Year and then MORECAMBE AND WISE had their annual repeat, this year from the best Christmas year of the seventies: 1973. THE SANTA CLAUSE arrived on our screens followed by the annual TOP OF THE POPS. Since the late 1960’s it has settled in the 2.00 pm slot, where it has stayed ever since. Will Young and Gareth Gates christened it with awe. So did One Two Voice and the awful Girls Aloud, which at first I first thought that the second word in their title was pronounced “allowed”. These tarts had got to number one for Christmas with no effort at all and gone of the days when this week’s number one was last week’s number two or lower. This year’s QUEEN’S SPEECH was very poignant after the deaths of her mother and sister and of course the Jubilee in June. She spoke of all those, which was amazing in the seven minutes she had to do so. ITN had made the speech for both BBC 1 and ITV 1 as the rights had been down to them. The Queen didn’t speak of the Paul Burrell trial, or the Tyneside streaker who almost greeted her in the northeast stage of her tour of the UK, and she certainly didn’t talk about her car being attacked with eggs when she visited Torvill and Dean and others in my hometown of Nottingham. ROBBIE THE REINDEER (nothing to do with Williams, of course) and David “cheap as chips” Dickinson, literally an overnight success thanks to students skiving off work watching BARGAIN HUNT were awarded on Christmas Day, a special with the man himself. Paul O’Grady, giving Lily Savage Christmas Day off introduced OUT-TAKE TV, a supposed replacement for Terry Wogan and his AUNTIE’S BLOOMERS. O’Grady linked the clips as if he was doing a post-watershed show, but the BBC modified it for pre-watershed use of course. The premiere of CHICKEN RUN, the brainchild of WALLACE AND GROMIT creator Nick Park was seen soon afterwards. After the news, the first of two episodes of EASTENDERS. Because Christmas Day is on a Wednesday this year, it means that ‘ENDERS is on too many times, making it a very low key Christmas indeed. Even OPEN UNIVERSITY or SCHOOLS PROGRAMMES would brighten these slots up to no end. That soap, which makes September 11 look as cheerful as a Dick Whittington pantomime that was on too many times. During the Christmas week it was on Monday, because Monday is the usual day for the soap to be seen. It was on Tuesday, because Tuesday is the usual day for the soap to be seen. It was on Wednesday, because surprise, surprise, fell on Christmas Day, and so it was time to go raving mad and put two episodes out. It was on Thursday, because Thursday is the usual day for the soap to be seen. It was on Friday, because Friday is the usual day for the soap to be seen. Am I boring you, while you read this? Of course I’m not; you should see the omnibus on Sunday that is over three hours long. In fact, it was on Saturday 28th December was the first day since the previous Saturday that it wasn’t on. Just like taxi drivers, doctors and the police, soaps have to work on Christmas Day. Someone had written to Teletext’s TV Plus saying exactly the same thing as I have done, that Christmas was time for fun and entertainment, not miserable soaps. (See ITV 1 for more low-key entertainment in that field). MY FAMILY and GROUND FORCE, starring tight denim and no bra Charlie Dimmock was to follow and the Bremner-alike BIG IMPRESSION was on. I tried to catch some of it but a relative telephoned me just as it was on so I missed some of it. Never mind it’s on videotape. I do remember that a parody of purple bearded Billy Connolly in his LOTTO ads were done here. After the News it was part two of the depressing soap-athon followed by the very last (as they sad last time) ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES. Rounding off the evening, FRENCH AND SAUNDERS with their Christmas puddings.

BBC 2 had some BREAKFAST, followed by for trainspotting buffs everywhere, GREAT RAILWAY JOURNEYS. THE SIMPSONS, THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR followed and then four episodes of QUEEN AND COUNTRY introduced by William Shawcross. Here BBC 2 were running out of things to schedule, so they probably thought of putting themed programming to spread out the time. SWAN LAKE arrived at 2.45 pm, giving an alternative to Her Majesty and her speech. Bing Crosby had some interviews IN HIS OWN WORDS, followed by the 1946 film; IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE. The Queen’s Message was seen with subtitles at 7.55 pm, the first time that the message had been promoted prior to transmission as the news said a couple of days before. Doncaster’s own Lesley Garrett put on a Christmas Concert, and a nice TOPSY TURVY film to round off the evening.

ITV 1 started off with GMTV, followed by a repeat of THE KING’S BEARD at that unusual time that ITV 1 springs to life for the day – 9.25 am. Looking ahead there was a repeat of THE WALTONS: AFTER THEY WERE FAMOUS, a spin off of the famous series that looked at presenters and actors from the 1970’s and 1980’s and asks where are they now? Not a good choice for Christmas Day as it was a repeat, although I did make comparisons with the other Walton’s; the sextuplets that were on Christmas Day in literally the same slot in 1993; the year that Christmas Day fell on a Saturday, and you could tell for the majority of the morning ITV just stuck to its usual schedule. Oh yes, and Mr Blobby was at number one. WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? At 2.00 pm confused me a little bit as I thought that this was an original transmission, but I then found out that it was a repeat from Christmas Eve that I had already seen. A bit odd, if I do say so myself to have a Christmas special to be repeated so soon after it’s original TX, although ‘ENDERS on the other side could have done the same thing without us knowing… I had taped both showings of the show, thinking they were different, but cancelled one just in time. Des and Mel, of the afternoon chat show fame, along with Des Lynam and new face Will Young with Emma Bunton were there, earning enough money for charity. One noticeable thing was that Will Young is nothing like any 23-year old of his age; he seems to have adopted the Prince William-meets-Gary Lineker Mr Clean of his own generation. Most people of the same age, especially the ones who go drinking and smashing up cars and do burglaries would think that Young is a poof, but they should probably remember that everyone is different. If you’re clean, you’re dated, so it seems. The relay of the Queen was followed by THUNDERBALL. Not the Lottery, or even Lotto, but Sean Connery’s fourth outing as the ever-reliable James Bond, this time coming up against the evil Emilio Largo. After the News, Lisa Riley with more YOU’VE BEEN FRAMED A-Z OF CHRISTMAS. Q could stand for Queen’s Speech and X could stand for Xmas itself. Usually found on Saturday nights, BLIND DATE and Cilla Black resurfaced twice offering a celebrity version of the new revamped, spruced up, more tabloid orientated version of the show. Girls not allowed I should think. As it is a celebrity version, and as Cilla is a widow after husband Bobby Willis’ death in 1999, could she be able to enter as a contestant, I wonder? 6.55 pm saw the start of two hour long soaps, EMMERDALE and CORONATION STREET, if you need reminding. Yes, soaps not only appear on the big day, but they end up dominating the schedules as well. How times change! Did you know that back on Christmas Day in 1978, the Street wasn’t on, even though it fell on Monday! WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? returned and surprisingly Will Young and Emma Bunton’s stint in the Millionaire hot seat made the Teletext news, which obviously draws the strong and obvious line between an A-list and a B-list celebrity. After an ITN update it wasn’t safe to go into the water as JAWS had his (or its) appearance afterwards. When this film was on when I was younger I really thought that the actors did get swallowed up inside the shark. These were also the same times when I believed in Father Christmas as well!

CHANNEL 4 had THE CLANGERS, followed by a double helping of THE HOOBS. Throughout the day, there were more repeats, although there was SNOW BUSINESS: THE STORY OF THE SNOWMAN. This, however could have been around for many years for as long as THE SNOWMAN, now in it’s twentieth Christmas on ‘Four, albeit this year being seen on Christmas Eve. RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER and A CHRISTMAS CAROL, both are new versions of old films. The ALTERNATIVE CHRISTMAS MESSAGE was an insult to the Queen’s speech especially after the year she has had. You would never imagine the Queen saying “shit” in her speeches, but the wife of Ozzy Osborne did, albeit slightly edited out by the power of broadcasting technology. This speech was indeed alternative with a capital A and would certainly separate the National Front Supporters from the Labour and left-wing Conservative supporters. DEATH ON THE NILE, the old Agatha Christie film, made after her death, stretched out time onto SHACKLETONS and more of those irritating Osbornes. It could have been worse; they could have invited the Sex Pistols instead. THE REAL DEREK AND CLIVE was also on, but much later on.

FIVE started off with MILKSHAKE and the SESAME STREET spin off ELMO’S WORLD. The Sesame Street crew got another look in at 9.00 am with their feature film FOLLOW THAT BIRD, with the popular character Big Bird being offered a new home away from Sesame Street. The late Waylon Jennings starred in the movie as a truck driver, and a singing one, come to that. Big Bird is kidnapped by some crooks but manages to be rescued back to Sesame Street by the end. SMASH HITS CHART OF THE YEAR rivalled Channel Four’s similarly titled SMASH HITS T4 POLL WINNERS PARTY that was both on at the same time. Now, if you think that’s odd enough, you should have seen Christmas Eve’s schedules. A Christmas episode of PORRIDGE went out on BBC 2 right opposite Channel Four’s showing of the film PORRIDGE. Unusual or what? After the usual soaps, including HOME AND AWAY, which celebrated Christmas by having a court case having an unexpected outcome. Come on, five! It’s summer in Australia at the moment and is a court case as seasonal as it gets? The storylines were uninterrupted especially for the festive season. Two films throughout the afternoon were DON QUIXOTE, (a brilliant word if you’re playing Scrabble – I mean, how many words can you find with both Q and X in them? Mind you, if you did play Scrabble on Christmas Day, it could have been because you were so bored to watch anything on television anyway!) Moving on and another film on five this afternoon was THE CHRISTMAS TAKEOVER. Moving towards the evening and Nick Frost hosted a rundown of Norden-esque outtakes from cinema history in MOVIES MISTAKES UNCOVERED CUT. DEMOLITION turned up at 7.00 pm, and the 1942 movie THE FIRST OF THE FEW rounded up the evening.

WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS PAST? – I’ve just told you about the 1973 Morecambe and Wise Christmas special that was on BBC 1, but on the other channels, nostalgia was on the cards this Christmas. Five offered up on Boxing Day TOMMY COOPER’S CHRISTMAS from 1973, which just shows how family entertainment has changed since the 1970’s. Guests on the show did, shall we say sweet acts that wouldn’t be seen dead in Christmas specials, 2002 style. Nowadays it’s just blue comedians who don’t give a damn about their predecessors, or Jim Davidson with his “nick-nick” toilet humour and how he impersonates “Chalkies”, or how he gets married once every three months. CARRY ON CHRISTMAS was the sitcom format of what proved to be very successful big screen format during the 1960’s and 1970’s. STANLEY BAXTER had reopened his CHRISTMAS BOX all the way from 1976 with all those drag artiste acts, including one of Her Majesty. On five, the aforementioned MORECAMBE AND WISE had travelled in from 1981, complete with modified Thames logo for the double act’s benefit. This edition had guest Steve Davis, unable to pit a single snooker ball, and Morecambe being able to pot three reds at a time. Ian Ogilvy was present as well as other star names. As for the cable, satellite and digital television channels, CHALLENGE TV had lots of old game shows including on Christmas Eve OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS, LARRY GRAYSON’S GENERATION GAME, WINNER TAKES ALL with Jimmy Tarbuck from the mid 1970’s, and THE GOLDEN SHOT with the late Norman Vaughan. Although this was in monochrome the show had an ATV caption at the end saying, “colour production”. It could have been a live show, shown first in colour and then recorded in black and white, as they didn’t have any colour film or videotape to do so. Live programmes were indeed erased as soon as they were recorded, as videotape was so expensive in those days. If you have any ideas, you can tell us. 3-2-1 was another one that was seen and I saw the first episode from 1978. I must admit that it seemed rather poor and YTV probably soon realised what was wrong and soon made the changes to the programme that took place after the first series. Ted Rogers was seen in a purple jacket and tie, as if he had just been part of Showaddywaddy or some kind of Teddy boy’s club. The hologram background would be soon phased out as well as some of the Deirdre Barlow-meets Olive from ON THE BUSES look-alikes, otherwise known as THE GENERAL SECS. Chris Emmett and co were irritating, where they were, cracking jokes from a control room studio, something that I believe had been axed soon afterwards for a better and more up to date format. The theme music kept being played over Ted and the other’s voices and the table that the clues were on looked as if it was just some ordinary table that someone had just dragged in the studio and put it anywhere they liked. Noticeably from later episodes that I have seen from 1982 onwards not many of these things have carried on in the show’s format and the more successful things have stayed in the programme, although when 3-2-1 went computerised things were lost a little bit and were completely lost by the time the series was axed in it’s prime in 1987. Winner Takes All dates everything with a contestant playing, who was seemed to be wearing beige Rupert Bear-style flares, but then again YTV’s favourite colour has always been beige or brown. These shows have been noticeable on Challenge TV for their remakes, especially for the cable television channel – and the late 1990’s. Bobby Davro has been seen hosting the “new” Winner Takes All, (admittedly Davro is better at doing impressions of Zippy and George from Rainbow than actually hosting a game show, on cable or otherwise). The maestro himself Keith Chegwin had hosted a remake of SALE OF THE CENTURY. Christmas Eve however saw the original version of the show, with host Nicholas Parsons and an air-fix knight Anglia Television logo to boot at the beginning. Out of these old shows, I tried to reckon out a date for when these were first transmitted. No real clues here, apart from one of the questions being asked about Norman Tebbit being a cabinet minister, so I put the date of the episode around about 1979 of afterwards when Margaret Thatcher’s government first came to power. How times in the game show world have changed as www.ukgameshows.com will obviously tell you.

There were other game shows, but I’d hate to bore you with all of them. Anyway, that’s all for this year’s Christmas television review. See you next year if I can be bothered to write another one of these reviews after eating too much turkey and mince pies!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR FOR 2003!