NOBODY FEELS CUT
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I was lost. Lost in the world of myself. Myself was a land of nothing. Nothing was where I was all of the time. Time was against me. Me was the I that didn’t want to live. Living was what I couldn’t stand. Stand was what I did while I shot myself down. Down is what I felt all the long while I was dreaming. Dreaming is what kept me alive. Alive is what soon ended to the only kid who thought differently then everybody. Everybody was nobody. Nobody was there. There is where I wasn’t. Wasn’t is where I was. I was cuddled in a ball of blood. Blood is what I thought about. About the beautiful color of her hair. Hair is what stayed the same. The same was there no more. No more running. Running through the red water. Water leaking. Leaking thoughts. Thoughts of being lost. I was lost.
As the music plays through my head certain words stick out. So here I am. Thinking thoughts that shouldn’t be thought of. Thoughts that will destroy me and everybody around me. I don’t know what to do? The music keeps getting louder and louder. They begin to drown out my own thoughts. All I hear is the words pounding in my head. The world is falling around me. Everything disappears and pictures start to flash before my eyes. Pictures of friends, but those pictures burn away leaving nothing but ash and a bad memory of my friends. All of a sudden a huge knife comes slicing through the air. This is no ordinary knife. There are pictures of my parents and pictures of certain times and on the very end was blood dripping. I looked down and I was floating. And I was bleeding. Where the hell was I bleeding from? I flipped over my arms and there it was. The scares where re-opened and bleeding. Screams were flowing out of the cut’s and they were blood curdling screams. I started to scream with the blood screams. I didn’t know what to do. Then the music got even louder. I couldn’t hear myself scream anymore but I was still bleeding. I felt someone grab my head and squeeze. What was this?? I started swinging around and I kept bleeding but I bleed even more. I felt like everything was coming down on me. In an instant a landed on my bed face up. Everything was gone, the loud music, the pictures, the tight squeeze on my head, and the swinging knife. They only things that weren’t gone where the bad memories that were burned into my head and the blood. There was a small knife sitting in my hand and I was bleeding. I started to scream and I realized what I have down. I did it for a reason and this was the only way I knew how to deal with things was to give myself more pain to take my mind off of things. So now I am listening to music. And certain words stick out. I’m thinking thoughts that shouldn’t be thought of.
The spotlight is shining on me. I sweat perrfusly in the pain of knowing I am not wanted here. The light keeps getting hotter and hotter as I shrink and look down at the paper that is burning in my hand. I can’t see anything. Everything is dark except me and the painful glare of the light. I feel like I buried myself alive in the pain of my life. All of the things that I dreamed of disappeared in an instant. Love, and happiness was gone from my blank head. The song so softly sung, was ripping me to pieces. One by one, I became nothing. My heart is thumping so hard it is going to jump out of my body and die a poetic death in the hand of an old love. I listened to someone else sing a song of my life, my heartache, my pain. But nothing came out when I wanted to speak . The light was ever so hot, and then the in the glare there was something. Squinting my eyes until they were almost closed, I saw a sweet angel looking back at me. Her voice so soft, the sounds so sweet. The lost love of my life what standing in front of me and I could not touch her. I could not speak to her. There was nothing I could do but think things about her. How I screwed up and how close we were. She kept getting closer and closer. She reached out and removed the sweat off my face. All of a sudden I felt a cool breeze sweep through the building. The light was still hot but in a good way. I chuckled with the thoughts of her. She said, “This time I am not going to watch myself die.” I laughed because I could only think of me and her and nothing else. She made me happy and complete. I looked up once more and she was gone. I thought I had her right were I wanted her. The light burned once again upon my face. I shouted NO at the top of my lungs. My paper was inflamed with burning writing. It said that you only realize things at certain parts of your life. I dropped the paper and just ran I ran through the isle and through the doors out into the open sidewalk. I collapsed. It was cold with a slight drizzle of rain. I cried myself asleep. When I awoke I found a box of money and a paper. The paper read, “Here is money from the reading you did. Everybody liked it and clapped. Also the money is from the people that licked it so much gave it too you. Please come back. You are loved in many ways, not in just the one everybody wants to hear of. Stay strong.” I went home and just sat in my chair and stared at the ceiling. It started to move and then.........
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