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SOCIAL UNREST - UNDERGROUND
Another fucking day
by Steve Smock
...Big fucking deal...
Another Moment in my hell
by Steve Smock
June 10,2000 Saturday 3:18pm
I am a worthless piece of human shit.I will suffer slowly and die.I am nothing in this world. My life is and always was meaningless. I hate life.I hate you. I hate everything human. I hate myself more than anything on earth. It does no good to write.It does no good to play. I am alone now and forever. My alienation and isolation and hostility and animosity are from the darkside.I no longer am a christian,probably never was. I was a cerbral one at best.My heart and actions betrayed me. I am a pure hedonist. This will be my last post on this cyberspace.I am fleeing society.I am going to a place where losers and failures and drug addicts and alcoholics and castaways and throwaways and worthless self hating humans gather in and near the adirondeck mountains on a farm. isolated together.I am leaving my one bedroom apartment in canandaigua,new York and moving into a room by myself in a community of social misfits of 80 men. this is where I will spend the rest of my painful hellish cognitive existence-together with other society's untouchable's.I'm not normal-so the game of me trying to fit into normal society is not working. I am afraid to come out of my house.I am fearful of what my own mind thinks.I am leaving my worldly possessions to whoever wants them.My guitairs,furniture,computer are worthless to me at this point and time. Untill I find a place in my heart for love-I will be a hatefull unproductive in pain self hating asshole.This community will require half of my social security and I get three meals and a room and 139 acrea's and pigs and other farm animals and a garden and a river-cool.I wonder how long i will last among the outcasts....Since I can't get along with others I hope others get along with me-just leave me the fuck alone...
A moment in my thoughtwave
by Steve "Smockster" Smock
May 31, 2000 Wednesday 6:59:03
First of all my greeting to any and all who read social unrest-underground.I recently was arrested "NYS mental hygene law title 9"-for proposing death and mayhem to the general public via a e-mail to a washington D.C. public official in the department of labor disibility section and this visit by the local law enforcement
was prompted by this e-mail communication. So I say I've been
around doing this specific creation for 14 years.I live on
my social insecurity and welfare before that and hospitals via
the veterans administration and before that two intentional
activist homeless communities and before I lived on more welfare
and food stamps and dependence and breakdowns and self hatred
to the max-through 1977-now-I exist in a social vacumn connected
through the three mediums of communication.Radio,Telivision and the internet.I have realized today that I have one human friend I am in contact with who likes me-as all others fall into associates and people that hate and are in the "Steve Smock Hate Club".Anyways I
would like some feedback on my readers and my new format as in content. My e-mail address is: ciadrugmoney@fcmail.com or ciadrugmoney@juno.com.I need to hear from just one reader-that's all I ask.If not-fuck off and die and eat shit and fuck you and may hell visit you like my "invisible" pain.Anyways now that I expressed my love for you the readers can we get down to the formulation of
reasonableness backed by the power of the second amendment and
via masses organized behind this issue will they of the higher
level of freedom and courage will prevail and form this birth
of a new era in American politics.This new era in politics would be
a million american solidarity army based on freedom's we inherited
through birth and naturalization and it will come down to a armed
conflict of terrible proportions and by this time I will be ten years
older-so by 2010,the United States of America will be ready for
this uprising.This popular uprising will only come about through
the unification on one issue propelled by individual liberties
being sacrificed through the tyranical gestapo tactic's and waffen
ss brown shirted enforcement with MOVE and WACO and Ruby Ridge
and William Cooper up on his Arizona hill will not be isolated
and divided and nullified by manufactured opinions and thoughtpatterns.We will not unite untill enough of us are personally
affected-effected by tyranny through legislation and unsurpation
of excutive powers with a congress and the judicial branches abdicating their respective responsibilties and with that in mind we have have a basis for political reform right down the barrel of
our howlitzers and SAM's and RPG's and our M-4's and plastique
and knowledge that would fill a children's college and war and famine choke us till we decide to band together as one and prevent this ugly scenario from happening...is it possible? If you think you are more powerfull than God Alpha/Omega,then sure we can prevent this from happening. You have two choices. (1).Passive and therfore imprisoned and controlled or tortured and killed or (2). Fight and die trying in struggle and freedom till the death do we part. So says I.That's my current positve thoughtwave.May I find peace in my life everyday-amen
...I'm alive-so fuck you...
I think I'm talking to myself
by asshole brother
4:59:01:03:99:88:75:43:22:57:05 5-29-2000 Monday
The culmination of his worthless wretched life was the collaberation with Bin Ladin in smuggling a suitcase nbc device into New York State and blowing the eastern seaboard off the face of the earth.That fuckin smock-all he did was cause pain and he remains somewhere among us-wallowing in his victory of death. This page represents my alt ego-a safe place where I can espouse views anti-theatical to the common ground. Of coarse my real life is invisible.Nobody can see what's inside of misery.Unless it forces itself into the visible world through psychotic behaviour or aka-wierd,strange,bizarre,odd-crazy...My face usually is one place where you can gauge emotionally what's going on inside.I've been sleeping alot all morning and afternoon and evening-listening to talk radio and occasionally managing to read a few paragraphs of a long lost book that never finishes...I've been literally banished to social exile because of this disease.I'm used to being at the forefront of current events before the sold out press controlled and manipulated through economic aquisition is. I'm alienated from society,from God,from friends,from family-from work-from all human relationships except the purchase of goods at various retail outlets as my needs dictate. Unlike the Unabomber-I don't have a phd or the skills neccessary to effect violent retribution.These skills are ruthlessness,callousness,cold blooded,no conscious.Now if this asshole piece of shit skum sucking loser failure jerk who creates this garbage heap of literary dung had just one of these qualities-I do believe their would be alot of dead people around.Poor fuckers.Alas,victory is mine sayeth the lord.I love how I interject vulgarity along with the scriptures-it shows you the ignorant reader what torture this invisible disease is. Well, fight on my asshole legions and born losers and failures everywhere-fear not for I am the king of all of you. Fuck the world and die.That statement is so me and so not me. I am feeling those hatefull sentiments but in reality I am a big pussy deep down.Since reality will not cooperate with me-i have to create my own. I live in isolation and slash the world with my pen.I've been arrested once and seen again for my verbage.Intent is hard to prove through words in any medium of your ill will towards others or yourself. Threats and more threats and threaten and threaten again.Written words read and interpreted by the reader.Example " I am gonna kill and torture a whole lot of people and I know who they are." Now if you read that-you would think I am threatening publically and you would be right-but you must remember where this comes from-a literary publication of creative work. In this case 5mb of stories that are erased.This web space is now nothing more than my public garbage can of my mental illness and daily mundane life of a menatlly ill garbage artist-cause i sure in hell am not no fine artist.If you read this-e-mail at: ciadrugmoney@juno.com-thanks...for nothing...
...I'm alive and their's nothin you can do-except die...
Another Day
by Deadinthehead
Sunday May 21,2000 11:40:00
Well the combo of my two positive influences in my life-music and Genisis and the revelation unfolds without you and you realize that-as you glare in the mirror you know you are not alone and physically by yourself and alone only by that physical sense.Alone with six billion souls going around this ground seperated by oceans of life torn asunder strife-you get what you came for,before the day-hang in their-like hanging was the last thing you had-don't stop-don't give in to those "wheel's a turning-inside your head"-hang in there-till your dead-why am I hanging on-as I ponder this gloom of doom in my room I shed no light on this fight going on inside my head-torn asunder with no thunder and I carry onward to through life like it's butter and I'm frosty and everything is cold-behold another planet that light shines on and within begin the water flow of fury like calmness in a storm-moments before the kill and you hang in their with your mind force guide your twisted wounded soul through to the other side of judgement days ahead full steam so mean and hard and cold down at the ground you say to yourself in a moment of killer fantasies that pass through like this is homeport control central-so I exist in this mirror glass of crystal realization and you have nothing to say today-except that I'm living and in closing memory's of his death 24 years ago and his birthday today-for one person died and one person lived and part of his soul is gone somewhere in hiding and the deadmanintheheadman is living in his place and darkness has eclipsed the light and I fight for a grasp of peace and holding on and never reaching my goal of contentment about this resentment turned my life around into the ground back I go-no venom or poison just thoughts and feelings of only one american writer-poet-musican-ex-photographer-video player and I exist on the bottom of this harvest I laid for myself.It's kind of grim feeling like death warmed over and it's a way of life and that's the strife and I gotta go...I might now ever see a beautiful place as thee...
How are you doing Mr. Smock
Wednesday May 17, 2000 9:01am
I had a visit bye the mobile mental health outreach van last night by two women in the night.My lights were off and the only light I had in my house was the illumination of my monitor.I thought it was the cops or some other unpleasant visitors. They stopped bye because they felt I needed help quickly. She gave me new information with this Dr.Jacobson at the Canandaigua Veterans Hospital mental health clinic. So instead of another two weeks before I see another mental health professional-today I see the "save humankind from me"doc at 11:00am.. She then ask's me how i'm doing... As I ponder this trick question-I say do I want to go to the nuthouse in handcuffs or do I want to suffer and be free-either way I suffer-in the nuthouse I eat good and read alot and the mental health business makes good money off my forced incarceration. So today I will think-what can me myself and I do for myself at the VA?
I can get medicated-no-I can join psychotheraputic groups with strangers for one hour and then have them talk about you-no-I can talk to another stranger for a hour with my cycle of hell-no-to boring and repetitive-I can be honest and tell the truth and be arrested-no-I like my freedom-I like what I stand for politically and socially-I have to just tell the VA professional mental health shrink that I don't want to talk about my feelings or emotions or my thinking. I will talk about experimental longterm volunteer projects.That I can just forget about my responsibility to myself support as payment for my contribution of my sick body for experimentation-of coarse to make something work-their would have to be a whole mess of us messed up folks...Nope-won't happen-Title 50 US CODE permits legal human experimentation without individual permission on anybody in america.I have the law-it's at the cornell Law library online. So today I feel dead inside as usual-just another day my flesh has to endure loveless life in my loveless world in my loveless mind controlled by darkness which I call my other evil half.That evil other half has successfully controlled and destroyed late last year all my remaining family connections. I threatened to kill all my family one by one.I threaten. I threaten. I threaten. When I threaten verbally murder and death to others-it means I'm ready to fucking self destruct and in to much pain via thoughts and emotional states by...my own hedonistic experiments in the seventies with drugs.The personality could be from chemical imbalances-it could be from genetics-it could be from life's most stressful experiences ie. failures,losses,disappointments-it could be from all three-today in a hour or so-I'm gonna have fun with these professionals as a way for me to pass a one hour.This will be my initial thought-but when the question comes-HOW ARE YOU? I will instantly revert back to the honest and truthful inside life I exist in as this man-you know as Steve Smock. This Steve Smock you know is the evil Steve Smock-the public-the known-the infamous-the nutcase,crazy,loony,loner,weirdo,strange,bizzare,allegedely violent and a danger to society-the hidden Steve Smock the lesser Steve Smock is the oppressed voice in the wilderness crying for love and understandment and compassion and love and tenderness and peace and joy and hugs and companionship and communication-this Steve Smock is the remanent of my ole personalit-the good part-before this evil blacknes darkness came into my life and took over-am I possessed? Have I ever raped anybody? No Have I ever killed anybody? No Have I ever molested children? Hell no-then why am I treated Like I have? If "YOU" all human beings outside my reality keep treating me this way-like I am this evil fucking devil criminal-then I will commit murder and mayhem with bombs and bullets
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