EX-POP STAR & BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN "MARILYN" MARRIES CHURCH DEACON IN HUSH, HUSH CEREMONY
At an intimate lakeside cermony for 600, Miss Marilyn Manson, said "I DO" and exchanged rings with long time beau and Televangelist, Carlton "Bucky" Simpson. The wedding, which had been in the planning stage since the time of Miss Manson's unfortunate relapse, was of great relief to all in attendance. Said long time friend and matron of honor, Mrs. Judy O'Christian, I didn't care if Marilyn crawled down that isle on her hands and knees carrying a pint of Gin and a crack pipe -- she WAS going to marry this man. A chance like this comes around once in a lifetime and she sure wasn't getting any younger."
The bride, wearing an ivory, tea-length Le Toures Maschinia strapless gown, carried white tea roses to symbolize her new found faith in the Lord. Her 16 attendants each carried a single blue rose to represent each year that she had spent in and out of rehabilitation facilities and in jails before finding Jesus. The groom and groomsman were dressed in white tie.
The reception was nearly interupted when a group of drugged out teenagers tried to crash through security. However, this didn't seem to affect the happy couple at all. Also attempting to ruin the event were several members of the Liberal Press wanting to know "why she had given up Bubble-Gum Pop for Marriage". The answer she gave was simple: "Love and lot's & lot's of money".
After a three month honeymoon to the Holy Land to visit the birthplace of our Savior the newlyweds will begin a tour with their brand new "Bucky & Marilyn Love Jesus Show" to promote matrimony and sobriety to young people. We wish them all the best.
Congratulations and Wishes for a Happy Marriage may be sent to:
Mr. & Mrs. Bucky Simpson
c/o The Landover Towers
Freehold, Iowa 04666
Fans of the Ex-Pop Star who are not saved are asked not to send anything.
Prior to selecting Miss Manson as the lead entertainment for the upcoming show and fund-raiser Church officials and members gathered and were ranted an exclusive interview with the ex-rock star. "Given her shaded past we were not about to put a pervert on stage before God's favorite people without knowing what was going on in her head. It is one thing to say you are a Christian but we had to see it with our own eyes to believe it. After meeting with her and spending several hours in prayer, myself and Sister Taffy determined that she was indeed a changed woman", said Pastor Deacon Fred before the Entertainment committee. "I was hesitant to even be in the same room with a lesbian, devil worshiper at first. But after meeting her in person, I have found her to be a lovely woman. I wouldn't want her living in my neighborhood mind you, but she does have a rather pleasant voice." said Sister Taffy. After a three hour discussion at the entertainment committee meeting a vote was taken and it was determined that Miss Manson would be permitted to perform. Please enjoy excerpts from the interview conducted in July of this year by Pastor Deacon Fred of Landover Baptist Church, and Sister Taffy, church member and founder of Friends Of Baby Jesus Ministries.
Pastor Deacon Fred: I am not sure if it is a pleasure to meet you or not.
Miss Manson: Well, the pleasure is mine. I can understand your hesitancy.
Sister Taffy Crockett: Marilyn dear, let's not beat around the bush here. You are a self proclaimed homo-sexual and Satan worshiper. Just what makes you think we would even consider having you bring your horse and pony show to our church?
Miss Manson: With all due respect Sister Taffy, I was living a life that went against the ways of the Lord, but I have changed. I am a lady now.
Pastor Deacon Fred: I see your lips moving Missy, but nothing coming out of your mouth worth hearing so far.
Sister Taffy Crockett: I agree Pastor. Marilyn dear, understand our dilemma. Anyone who has eaten their own feces on a stage and had relations with someone of their same gender while singing before an audiance will have to do a little more than say "I am a Christian" to prove otherwise to me.
Pastor Deacon Fred: Amen Sister, Amen.
Miss Manson: And Amen again. I look back now and hearing you say those things is like hearing you speak about another woman. That woman is dead now. I killed her with along with all of the other demons that were running my life. The sex, booze, sex, the pills, beatality sex, the rock and roll, they are all a very bad memory. I knew I had to change the night in a New York hotel room, when I woke up in a pool of my own sick, my soiled panties down around my ankles and the hotel Bible that I had burned on the floor beside me. I realized that I was dead inside.
Pastor Deacon Fred: Go on.
Miss Manson: I picked up a single charred page from that Bible that I had not destroyed and this verse from Leviticus was there waiting for me. Speak unto Aaron and to his sons, saying, This the law of a sin offering: In the place where the burnt offering is killed shall the sin offering be killed before the LORD: is most holy.”
Pastor Deacon Fred: Mary-Lynn, that is a nice verse but what in the world has that got to do with you giving your life over to the Lord?
Miss Manson: It is Marilyn, please, but nothing really, but it was the first time that I had ever read anything from the Bible without screaming the “f” word in between sentences and calling on Satan to visit me in my privates places. It was then that I was saved. Then I.....
Sister Taffy: Pastor, I think we have heard about all we need to hear from this woman. If we hurry we can still get Amy Grant for the show. She is not really a Christian either, but still, she is popular in a cheap sort of way.
Miss Manson: Sister Taffy, please hear me out. It was then that Jesus appeared to me and said to me, "Marilyn honey, do something with your life. You are a mess and you look like hell.” So I stood up, pulled my panties back on and went to my computer and found your Little House Ministry homepage. I said to myself, Marilyn, if this woman can take a a three foot tall circus clown and turn them into a Christian then there was hope for me.
Sister Taffy" Please dear, continue.
Miss Manson: I spent the next three weeks reading your words of wisdom and molding myself into a woman that you would approve of. Rock and roll music and pimple faced teenagers, strung out on dope was no longer cool. Being in love with Jesus was cool. So you see, Sister Taffy, I owe it all to you. I am prepared to make a sizable donation to your group home for drugged out, sexually active midgets, if you will allow me this single opportunity to prove that I am a changed woman of God.
Sister Taffy: How much money are we talking here?
Miss Manson: As much as you need.
Pastor Deacon Fred: Well, Praise Jesus then! This woman really has changed. Shall we pray?
Sister Taffy: Yes dear, as soon as can verify that Miss Manson’s check will clear the bank. Praise Baby Jesus in the green grass, a Christian is borned and a midget will be taller.
Sister Taffy: One more thing dear, that tattoo of the devil on your forearm? Are you going to keep it, remove it or leave it as a reminder of your wicked past?
Miss Manson: I plan to slowly peel it off one layer at a time as a penance for my sins.
Sister Taffy: Amen. Oh, I like that. But try not to use the word "penance", it sounds so Catholic.
Pastor Deacon Fred: Amen. You can start at the youth concert after your big show. Tell the kiddies all about how SATAN is ripping away at the souls of homos and drunks around the world just like you are ripping away at him on your skinny little arm. That will open some eyes.
Sister Taffy: Yes indeed. Just think of the money we could make with a video of this. Paul and Jan Crouch will have nothing on this one.
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