In early February of the 1999th year of our Lord I received a calling from above that would change my life forever. There was nothing any more special about this occasion than any other. It was just a typical Sister Taffy evening with myself sitting in my prayer room, head bowed down in my KJV 1611 checking for possible errors. I had just gotten through the book of Ruth when suddenly a cold chill filled the room. I knew immediately that this was a divine visit as my mansion, unlike others in my neighborhood, doesn't have drafts. Sure enough, I looked up and there before me stood my late grandmother, Georgia-Sue Gaines. "Why Granny!", I cried out, "What are you doing here? You have been with the Lord for nearly a year!". I tell you, I had to call in Laquitia to wipe my eyes to be sure. Well, she had no sooner opened the door than she screamed out, "Lawd God! Misses Georgia-Sue done come back from her grave!", and then she fainted. (those people are very sensitive when it comes to supernatural things you know) Sure enough, it was my Granny!
"Hello Dear", she said to me, "You are looking spectacular as usual". I rose from my chair and looked her right in those steel blue aryan eyes of hers, "Granny dearest, I must say that you are much looking better than the last time I saw you. Being an angel certainly agrees with you. Now, with that said, you really should get to the point of this little visit. What would the neighbors think if they saw you here?".
My dear Granny Georgia-Sue would certainly be the first to understand my dilemma. "As usual, my precious little Taffy, you are correct", she continued, "I have come to you with a mission. A last tribute to your dear old granny if you will. I want you to start a ministry for midgets. Now before you say a word, let me explain. Taffy, you could not imagine my surprise when, once I had pushed past St. Peter at the Pearly Gate to get to my reward, I was found face to face with a midget. Yes Dear -- a little person. Can you imagine my horror? You and I have always been sheltered from the, well, more unseemly things in this old world, but in Glory, there is apparently a quota to be met. Much like the public schools, and so forth down here. Anyway, my Dear, I was utterly disgusted. You know I have always thought those little people to be annoying. So here I am, my first day in Heaven, when up comes this little creature to me, waist high, and says to me in that squawky little voice, "Welcome Georgia-Sue. Welcome to Heaven". I truly thought I would just die all over again. For all these months I have been followed around by this half-human, half-angel creature with wings. This is exactly why I want you to start this ministry. I want you to find them, lock them up up, and make them taller. So when your day comes and we are together again we will not be worried so by a flock of miniature spirits. Nearly all of these little people are possessed with demons, that is why they are so short. I want you to make them taller so they won't be so worrisome. Please use extreme caution as you go about your work becuase they like to bite. Remember Dear, granny loves you and she knows best Oh yes, one more thing Dear, the hair, I love it. Blood of the Lamb red looks fabulous on you". And then she was gone. My sweet Granny Georgia-Sue, the angel, had left me again.
Friends, that is the sole reason my starting THE GEORGIA-SUE GAINES LITTLE HOUSE MINISTRY group home for demonically-possessed, diastrophic dwarves.
These poor little creatures have suffered so in their tiny lives. It is a known fact that all midgets are alcoholics and sexual deviants. Many of them have even chosen the evil homo-sexual lifestyle when they fall into show business or the circus. They really have no choice you see. They did not choose this half existence. No, in fact it is a curse brought upon them by un-Christian parents.
It is such a sad a life that they lead and that is the purpose of this ministry. At THE LITTLE HOUSE, we are working hard with teams of Christian (Baptist) specialists from around the world to to lengthen their little legs, cast out their DEMONS, and save them from a life of misery and sorrow. We have had much success in our treatments. To date, we have had successfully treated over 130 of our little patients and only lost a few due to adverse medical reactions. Several of these little half-people have even gone on to live somewhat productive lives. Regardless of the outcome, after a 120 day stay at THE LITTLE HOUSE they are placed in an out-patient halfway home in West Virginia where they will spend their remaining days.
The first and second place winners of the race received a shopping spree at the brand new Osh Kosh B'Gosh BAPTIST BABY BOUTIQUE at the Freehold Christian Mall. All contestants who participated were treated to a special buffet of cocktail wieners, miniature spinach quiche, and other bite sized delicacies that were in proportion to their tiny size. A good time was had by all.
Pastor Deacon Fred officiated the the event with a sermon entitled, "GROWING STRONG AND TALL FOR JESUS: STRETCHING THE DEMONS OUT OF THE HELL BOUND HORIZONTALLY CHALLENGED". Said one of the major donors to the Little House Foundation in attendance for the event, "Watching all of those little legs running around that track reminded me of when I was a child and would chase an old centipede bug around the front porch with a lit match. It really took me back."
Send your words of PRAISE or find out how you can help PULL THE STRINGS ON SATAN MINISTRY to:
Sister Taffy
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