The End to my Self Distriction
Everyone has issues some deal with them, others just
shove them into a suitcase inside themselves hoping to
forget about those dreadful issues that haunt them.
The suitcase finally gets too full of emotion and
overflows, uncovering all your problems. They may keep
avoiding those issues continuously in various ways but
they do not get solved, just forgotten. The issues get
covered up with drugs, eating disorders, self
mutilation, and many other various ways. For me my
choices to deal with my issues varies. I go
through the never ending cycle, or though it seems, of
starving myself, self mutalation, and dealing with my
issues. Every now and then I evaluate myself
concluding that starving myself and cutting do not
solve anything, they just stuff the issues deeper into
my internal suitcase. Every time after I would cut I
would promise myself that I would not do it again, but
I always ended up doing it again. At times I would
feel like I was addicted to cutting, like a person
is addicted to cigerettes. After I did not do it for a
while, I would start loosing concentration and my hands would
shake endlessly. I felt that slowly this destruction was
taking over me. Finally three days before Halloween, I
decided to quit this self destruction. Since then I
have not harmed myself in any way. I decided to start
to take care of myself. I have felt better about
myself since then. I have made this webpage to let
other people know that quiting is possible. I am a 17
year old women that struggles constantly with my life.
There are always times that I think about cutting, but
I do not want it taking over my life anymore. I have
decided to wait for the bus at the bus stop.
Send E-Mail to: nessaame@hotmail.com
Copyright © 2002 Esther Maassen. All Rights Reserved