More Lord of the Pants.....
Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli meet the Rohirim...
Eomer: We are the knights who say, NI!!
Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli: *shrink back in fear*
Rohirim: Ni, Ni, Ni!
(I know, I'm cutting it short)
Eomer: You must find us a shrubery!
Aragorn: Now where in Rohan, being a desolate, rocky, grassland, are we going to find a shrubery?
Rohirim: Ni, Ni, Ni!
*****
Later...
Eomer: Now you must find another shrubery, only a little higher so we have a layer affect with a little path going through the middle.
Rohirim: A path!
Eomer: Then you must cut down Treebeard with the elf.
Thedoen: Oh, Gamling, look, Aragorn sent me a birthday card! See the back.
Gamling: [reading back of card] "Riddermark Greeting Cards®. Because Hama's where the heart is." Awwwww.
*President Bush steps out onto Orthanc's balcony*
Bush: A new power is arising! It's victory is at hand! This night, the land will be stained with the blood of Sadam! March to Iraq! Leave none alive! To war!
Uruk-hai #2491: Oy, it never ends.
Gandalf: [singing] When there's something evil
In your neighborhood
Who you gonna call?
Arwen: Wraithbusters!
Witchking! [:scare]
*Aragorn cuts off Lurtz' head*
Aragorn: Not a good time to lose one's head.
Boromir: Indeed.
Aragorn: That's not the way to get ahead in life.
Boromir: No.
Aragorn: It's a shame he wasn't a bit more headstrong.
Boromir: Hmm.
Aragorn: He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
Boromir: Okay, that'll do.
Aragorn: Okay.
Gandalf: [to Frodo] You must remember Frodo that the Ring is trying to get back to its master. It wants to be found.
*mounts horse*
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast. *rides off*
Sam: Oka-- what?
Pip in Rivendell: I think I will sit down and study these maps,
to further enhance my knowledge of the journey.
Gandalf to the Balrog on the bridge in Moria: "After you..."
Frodo to Gollum: Can you hold this while I tie my shoes? *hands Gollum the Ring*
Gandalf: (after Pippin makes the skeleton fall into the well.)
Oh Pippin, you poor boy. Now be careful around those wells or you might just fall in.
Frodo: Whoooa-whooooa, Oooh, thank goodness, I nearly fell
over then, but regained my balance successfully.
Shelob: AAGGHH!! Tiny little men! Get them away, get them away! Aaaack!
Boromir: Let's all go to the Gap of Rohan and try on tight pants!
Aragorn: Not that kind of 'Gap', you idiot.
Aragorn: Oh, I just can't wait to be kiiiiing!
Wormtongue (to Éomer): You are banned from this kingdom, for having blonde hair and black eyebrows!!
Pippin: And who's side are you on?
Treebeard: Side? Oh, yes. I am in league with Saruman. Can you believe he gives me oh so much power in exchange for a field of worthless trees? Off to Isengard with you little orc!
Aragorn: [at the Black Gate] I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come, when the courage of Men fails...
Army: What?! Not our courage!! [they run off]
Aragorn: Wait!! Let me finish! aw crap...
Frodo: And Frodo-lad and Rosie-lass, and Merry and Pippen, and perhaps even more than I can foretell.
Sam: Woah, hold the phone, I'm having HOW MANY children?
*the Fellowship, standing in front of Orthanc*
Aragorn: Hello! Helloooo!
Wormtongue: Allo? 'Oo is it?
Aragorn: I am Aragorn, king of Gondor. Whose tower is this?
Wormtongue: This is the tower of my master, Saruman the White.
Aragorn: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by Elrond with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the One Ring!
Wormtongue: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen! 'E's already got one, you see?
Aragorn: What?
Legolas: He says they've already got one.
Aragorn: Are you sure he's got one?
WT: Oh yes, it's very nice. *to Orc* I told him we've already got one.
Orc: *lol*
Aragorn: Well, um, can we come up and have a look?
WT: Of course not! You are Gondorian types.
Aragorn: And what are you then?
WT: I am Easterling. Why do you think have this outrageous accent, you silly king?
Aragorn: What are you doing in Rohan?
WT: Mind your own business.
Aragorn: If you do not show us the Ring, we shall take your tower by force!
WT: You don't frighten us, Gondorian pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a Troll person. I blow my nose at you so-called Numenorian, you and all your silly Gondorian kniggets!
Legolas: What a strange person!
Aragorn: Now look here, my good man-
WT: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed Warg food-trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a bearded-Dwarf, and your father smelt of kingsfoil!
Frodo: Sam and I must leave the Shire to destroy the ring!
Merry: Gee, we'll miss you.
Saruman: Wormtounge, Wormtounge!!!! Be a dear and throw that Plantir thingie at Gandalf!!
Merry: Did you know that smoking pipe-weed causes cancer?
Barlog: Redbull gives you wings!
Treebeard - Well cut me down and call me firewood!!
Saruman - I have a problem with self confidence.
Frodo: DUUDE, where's my ring?!
Elrond (to the council): It must be taken back deep into Mordor and cast into the fire where it was made! One of you must do this.
*silence*
Elrond: Or we could just go surfing at Cirdan's place.
Council: YEAH! COOL! DUUUDE!
Gandalf: Hey Merry, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!
Merry: Again?
Gandalf - Ahh meriadoc, Perigrin I see you've found my fireworks, now this 1 here....
Sauron: Theeee Hills are aliveeeeee with theee sound of muuuusic
Legolas: I'm a natural brunette
Frodo and Sam and the Black Gate: (knock on it) Trick or Treat!
Frodo: I am da termanator! Prepare to die!
Boromir(dead):row-row-row your boat
Balrog:I'm free like a flyin' demon...
Sauron:NI!
Merry(eating a carrot):what's up doc?
The Nazguls(to Arwen):We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones to make a better day so lets start giving...
Frodo:ShEESH!!! I went all the way to Mordor and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!!!
Written on the Ring:made in China.
Aragorn: Not lightly to the leaves of Lorien fall.
*all the leaves of Lorien fall on Aragorn*
Saruman (in Mordor): So this is the great Barad-Dur?
Sauron: Yes. Nice, isn't it?
Saruman: I thought it'd be bigger.
Pippin: Look Aragorn, teacher says, every time an orc dies, a Balrog gets its wings!
Eowyn and the folk of Rohan approaching Helm's Deep
Woman #1: Helm's Deep!
Woman #2: Helm's Deep!
Woman #3: Helm's Deep!
Eowyn: It's only a model.. [:rolleyes]
Saruman in Orthanc answering a call on his Palantir
*high voice* Saruman's residence, wizard of the house speaking?! Sauron, darling! How are the children?
Frodo in Bag End
*singing* 99 Rings of Gold in my pocket, 99 Rings of Gold! You put One on and then you're gone, that's still 98 Rings of Gold in my pocket!
Aragorn at the door of Barad-dur.
Aragorn: *knock knock*
Sauron: Who's there?
Aragorn: I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn.
Sauron: Aragorn, son of Arathorn who?
Aragorn: Aragorn, son of Arathorn. I believe you needed a plumber?
Merry: That black rider was looking for something... or someone. Frodo?
Frodo: *whistles innocently* Who? Me? Naaaah...
Gandalf: YOU CANNOT PASS!
Balrog: Why not?
Gandalf: YOU CANNOT PASS!
Balrog: *sigh* And... err... what if I give you something in return.
Gandalf: *thinks* Yes... that might do... You will bring me.... A SHRUBBERY!
Balrog: [:eyebrow]
Hobbits walking into the Prancing Pony
Butterbur: And here's bachelor number 4, who bids on bachelor number 4? *notices Hobbits* Hobbits! Wet Hobbits, who bids on wet Hobbit number 1? We've got a bidder, yes, who bids more? Ah, the lady in the back for wet Hobbit number 1, any more bidders? You sir? *old man grins at Frodo* Ok, going once, going twice.. SOLD, to the man in the corner.
Frodo: Huh? Err.. what? I just wanted a room for the night!
Old man: And that is what you'll get.
Frodo: Sam and I must get to Bree.
Merry: *sigh* Nag nag nag!! So??! Pippin and I must get to Disneyland, but you don't hear us complaining!
Aragorn to Legolas: Do you know the muffin man?
Legolas: The muffin man?
Aragorn: The muffin man!
Legolas: Yes, I know the muffin man.
Frodo: No Sam. I'm going to Mordor alone.
Sam: Of course you are...
*pause*
Frodo: Well??
Sam: What? You honestly don't think I'm coming with you do you?
Pippin:
And whose side are you on?
Treebeard:
The side of the Warrior Twinkies of Doom!!! RAAAAR!
Frodo: *sticking out tongue at Sauron* I'm gonna beat you, nanana!
Sauron: Says who??
Frodo: It says so in the script, see? *comes a little closer to show Sauron the script* nanana! *sticks out tongue again*
Sauron: *swings an axe and chops off Frodo's head* Annoying little brat!!
Bilbo: I want to mountains again, Gandalf, mountains!
Gandalf: *takes off his shoe, turns it upsidedown and knocks a pile of sand out of it on Bilbo's floor* There. Will that do?
Legolas: *shooting an arrow through an Orc's head.
YOU'RE IT!!! *runs away giggling*
Aragorn: *standing in front of Sauron putting his hands over his face, giggling*
Now you see me... now you don't... now you see me... now you don't...
Sauron: [:rolleyes] *sigh*
Gollum: Hi, my name is Gollum and I'm a ringoholic.
Group: Hi Gollum!
Therapist: Would you like to share your feelings with us Gollum?
Gollum: No! They're mine! And mine alone! Myyy precioussssss...
Boromir to Aragorn on his deathbed: Aragorn my friend... get a haircut!
*dies*
Random Orc: What does the Eye command?
Saruman: *sigh* He wants us to sing the teapot song... AGAIN!!
Bilbo and Gandalf on one of their adventures:
*singing* The road goes ever on and on...
Bilbo: *suddenly fals off the end of the world* Aaaaaaahh....
Gandalf: Whoooopps. Minor miscalculation.. Oh well. *turns back whistling*
Frodo ringing the doorbell of Barad-Dur
Sauron answers the door: Yes?
Frodo: Mr Sauron?
Sauron: Yes, that's me.
Frodo: I have a delivery for you sir.
*hands over a package* One golden Ring. Sign here please.
Sign at Cirith Ungol: Halflings half price. Taste Halflings free entrance.
Gollum to Smeagol: Murderer!
Smeagol: Am not!
Gollum: Are too!
Smeagol: Am not!
Gollum: Are too!
etc
Legolas: SHould I describe the seen to you, get you a box or throw you to these CGI monsters so you can see better.
Gimli: What the heck get me a box
Legolas: *walks off*
Gimli: *yells* make a big one I want to be able to see your elf friends eye to eye.
On the Misty Mountains:
Aragorn & Boromir: "Over the river and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go! The horse knows the way through the white and drifting snow, oh!
Boromir: *gasp* "You don't think they heard us?"
Aragorn: No!
Gandalf: "What is the problem back there?"
Boromir: "Ummmm... This will be the death of the hobbits?"
Aragorn: "Great cover, man."
Aragorn: What d'you mean I have a fear of commitment?!
Gimli: So honestly. . .this armor. . .makes me look fat?
Pippin: Don't wake me up for second breakfast. Not feeling the munchies today.
Legolas: DUDE!
Sauron and Isildur sitting in conference.
Isildur: May I see the One Ring?
Sauron: Ah, see with your eyes not your hands my friend.
The Mouth of Sauron: Sir, I think we can trust the King of Gondor.
Sauron: Oh alright, but only for a second...okay now give it back...
Isildur: Give what back?
Sauron: *sigh*
I have no memory of this place.
*etc, etc...(talk about Gollum)*
Gandalf: Hoo, it's this way!
Merry: He's remembered.
Gandalf: No, silly, I found my map.
Boromir: (dying)...my captain, my brother, my king. (dies)
Aragorn: 'Bout time, I thought he'd never die.
Galadriel: The Fellowship is breaking . It has already begun. She will try to take the Ring.
Frodo: She?! Not this 'she' crap again!!
Gandalf: But no longer, Frodo. Evil is stirring in Mordor, Sauron is making a cake.
Treebeard: Many of these trees were my friends....they had voices of their own...oh well what's done is done!
*drops the hobbits off and returns to Fangorn
*Theoden standing on Helm's Deep, starts raingin*
Theoden: So it - what?! It's raining! *leans down to yell to the orcs* Hey, ya think we could postpone the fight, the elves say they don't want to get their hair wet!
Orcs: Grumble, grumble Fine...
Pippin: The closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm.
Treebeard: well duh, everyone knows that.
Merry: Our friend's are out there! You're part of this world, ...... aren't ......you?
Treebeard: Hurry up and say it, I haven't got all day!
Aragorn: *raps*
"Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the King of a land called Gondor…."
Theoden: A great host you say?
Aragorn: All Isengard is empty.
Theoden: How many?
Aragorn: Um,.... *counts on fingers*.... more than ten.
Haldir: Long ago, elves & men fought & died together. We come to honor that allegiance.
Aragorn: *punches Haldir* How dare you upstage me!
Uruk-Hai#234- Ummm, which way is Helm's Deep?
Uruk-Hai#567- I lost my big stick
Uruk-Hai#311- I dunno if this is a good time to mention this but, erm...I'm a pacifist.
Saruman: (hums to himself as he goes about his business, putting together an evil spell.... suddenly breaks out into song) Always look on the bright side of your life....da, da da, da da da da da da.....
Aragorn: Of *course* he's the White Wizard. He turned me into a newt! (Gimli and Legolas gaze at him. time passes) I got better.
....in the frozen lands of Anhk-Morpork, they were forced to eat Merry and Pippin, and there was much rejoicing....(yay, yay)
Gandalf- Theoden, son of Thengel. Too long have you sat in the shadows. *changes lightbulb* There, that's better.
Frodo: (to Sam) You daft, dumb, miniature beast of burden.
*Gandalf the white appears to Aragorn, Legolas and Gimili in Fangorm*
Gandalf- I have returned to you now, at the turning of the tide.
Aragorn- Well gang, I think we solved this mystery.
Legolas- So it was YOU all along old man Gandalf! You dressed up as the white wizard and used the old story of the fires of Isengard to scare off the ents so you could look for Old man Willow's treasure and keep it for yourself!
Gandalf- And I woulda gotten away with it too, if it weren't for them meddling Hobbits!
Gimili- Rud rork rarry! neehehehehehe!
Ugluk to Grishnak
oh here take the Hobbits. who needs Sarumon any way.
Saruman: I vant to suck your blood....no wait a minute, let me try again..ahem..may the force be with you....oh crap, can somebody tell me which movie I am in?
Free Webpages at Webspawner.com
Continue On...
Send E-Mail to: foxfirelightswitch@yahoo.com
This page created using the webpage creation facilities of Webspawner.
Copyright © 2004 . All Rights Reserved