SOME GAYS FEEL A SPIRITUAL CALLING
Source: Sean Kosofsky, Triangle Foundation, Deb Price, The Detoit News.
What if being gay or being "different" in any fundamental way is a spiritual calling? And what if jolts that feel like huge, terrible setbacks sometimes are actually God's "surprises," unexpected blessings that strengthen us and steer us on to more fruitful paths?
These provacative questions have special reasonance for everyone who has ever felt like an outsider or ever been profoundly disappointed when life refused to unfold according to their plans. That pretty much includes all of humanity, at least the folks I've met.
So, there's a big audience for the issues that two gay Episcopal priests, Will Countryman and M.R. Ritley, have been exploring together for seven years. Their special focus is on what it means to be gay and christian, but they offer everyone an uplifting lesson in recognizing hidden blessings.
In "Gifted by Otherness: Gay and Lesbian Christians in the Church" (Morehouse Publishing), these theologians scoff at the notion that gay believers are a "problem" to be solved by the church. They encourage gay Christians to embrace their sexual orientation as a spiritual gift and to see what their life stories can teach the organized church.
"God has drawn us to this difficult place in order to reveal grace to us, in us, and through us." the authors believe.
Now I must confess that, despite being the daughter of an Episcopal priest, the word "grace" forced me to reach for my dictionary. "Grace," I discovered there is, "unmerited divine assistance." Countryman tells of once praying aloud, "We thank you, God, for surprising us with grace." One parishioner's immediate reaction was "And please don't ever do it again!" As Countryman explains, "The surprise often seems like anything by grace at the time. But it can lead us to a place of unique joy and freedom." By happenstance, as I was mulling the idea of God's surprises, my partner Joyce almost off-handly told me of a new insight into her own life. For years, she'd carried around a heavy resentment that she'd spent a decade at a newspaper futilely trying to get treated with respect. Finally, she has decided to set the resentment aside. "You know," Joyce told me, "if the newspaper had appreciated me, I never would have left, never would have written two books, never would have done work that I think truly matters. I'm lucky that so many doors were slammed in my face."
Most people could tell similar tales of having found the way blocked and been forced, reluctantly, to change course, and as a result, stumbled into a richer, more fulfilling life. To Countryman and Ritley, that's what when gay Christians find the path to full, immediate acceptance from the church blocked by ignorance and prejudice. Rather than feeling beaten down, gay Christians should see themselves as missionaries called to remind the church of God's inclusive love. "Go ahead and have your spiritual life. You don't need the church's stamp of approval," Ritley says. "It is not for the church to tell you who you are," she adds.
The priests, both 60, say coming to terms with being gay and confronting hostility forced them to find their own personal gospels, the "Good News" of the spiritual role they see for gay Christians.
Countryman was a married father when he realized he was gay. Getting divorced and coming out in the church was an excruciating, decade-long journey. Yet Countryman, now hails his discovery of his gayness a "surprise" from God: "I found that all the New Testament language about conversion and renewal and new life lived itself out in my own experience ... Grace, conversion, love of others, those are what the Gospel keeps telling us about. Anything that makes them new and alive for us is a very good thing."
Life keeps surprising us all, keeps offering new ways to blossom. Let's seize them.
Deb Price's column is pblished on Monday. You can contact her at 202.662.7370 or dprice@detnews.com
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