You might be a redneck if...

You might be a redneck if...

1. Your bridal veil was made of window screen.

2. You think icing is what you do to your front steps before your mother in law comes over.

3. people hear your car a long time before they see it.

4. your funeral procession circled around Wal-Mart.

5. your truck sits so high that you can see in a second floor window.

6. you got married at a monster truck rally.

7. you think beef jerky and moon pies are two of the major food groups.

8. you've ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.

9. you think an oil change involves a comb and bottle of Vitalis.

10. there is a trophy in your house with the word "spitting" on it.

11. the highlight of your day is finding the prize in a Cracker Jack box.

12. Jack Daniel makes your list of most admired people.

13. the receptionist is responsible for checking the rat raps at your place of business.

14. Your family tree forms a wreath.

15. you're not sure of the true color of your pickup.

16. if you've ever vacationed in a rest area.

17. your mamma carries a wrench and a comb in her back pocket.

18. you and your dog share the same name.

19. your idea of a gourmet meal is the noon special at the truck stop.

20. you think "Ross Perot" is how your cousin Ross got out of jail early.

21. you call rust a quality paint job.

22. you've ever been pulled over by the Coast Guard.

23. your picture is on the wall of more than 3 bait stores.

24. you went to your mother's prom.

25. you wash your dog's dishes more than your own.

26. the last time you saw your daddy outside, he was picking up trash, chained to three other guys.

27. you have a grave in your front yard.

28. you don't throw away used paper plates.

29. the tires on your truck cost more than your house.

30. calling your closest neighbor on the phone is long distance.

31. when asked your tooth color on a application, you state "Not Applicable".

32. you put glow in the dark duct tape on your trailer door so you don't get lost going to the bathroom at night.

33. you think a sieve is part of your shirt.

34. you have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

35. you think Richard Petty is the president of STP.

36. you wonder why the feed you just put out for your animals keeps disappearing.

37. you drink gas because you found out you can run two and a half miles per hour faster.

38. you've ever used 40 weight to shine your boots.

39. you've ever tried to drown a fish.

40. you buy your jewelry at the hardware store.

41. you drink Labatt 50

42. you've ever had to knock the spider webs down to use the bathroom.

43. you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

44. you have more money between your couch cushions than in your wallet.

45. your son says, "Dad, can I have a can of mix?"

46. you judge how long a trip will take by how much beer to bring.

47. you've ever gotten into a fist fight in a Laundromat over a dryer.

48. you have $50 windshield wipers on a $20 car.

49. you go fishing in an inner-tube and call it 'Water Skiing.'

50. you win the lottery and buy a NEW doublewide to live in.

51. you know who is actually leading the Winston Cup series.

52. if you ask for all your teeth for Christmas.

53. you've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.

54. your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise.

55. you think the ultimate beauty treatment is using Preparation-H to prevent wrinkles.

56. you've ever used the scope on your huntin' rifle to locate your kids.

57. you have more carpet on your toilet than on your floors.

58. your porch falls off and more than two dogs die.

59. your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade.

60. you've ever been too drunk to fish.

61. you think a quarterback is a refund.

62. the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.

63. someone asks for your ID and you show 'em your belt buckle.

64. your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

65. every day somebody comes to your door mistakenly thinking that you're having a yard sale.

66. you call your boss, "dude."

67. the UFO hotline limits you to one call per day.

68. if you think a turtleneck is the key ingredient for soup.

69. if your house has ever been involved in a 10-car pile-up.

70. you brag that you can chug a beer in three seconds instead of five because of the new wide-mouth cans.

71. you bought your best pair of shoes off the impulse rack by the register.

72. you whistle to get the attention of your waiter or waitress.

73. your family tree doesn't branch.

74. if you've ever shot someone over a mall parking space.

75. if the auto junkyard calls you to get spare parts.

76. you and six of your neighbors split the cable bill.

77. there are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

78. the best art work you own is a cut out from a twelve pack of beer.

79. you've ever cut your grass and found a car.

80. if your mamma has more chest and underarm hair than your father.

81. you think people who have electricity are uppity.

82. you prefer to walk the access length of your jeans rather than hem them.

83. if you think "trash TV" is something in your back yard.

84. if you smoked during your wedding.

85. if people ask to hunt in your front yard.

86. your mom ran off with the neighbor's dog.

87. if your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.

88. your check feature pictures of dogs fighting.

89. your bathroom deodorizer is a box of kitchen matches.

90. if your mother has ever come out of the bathroom and said, "Ya'll come look at this before I flush it.

91. if your satellite dish is bigger than your house.

92. your favorite NASCAR souvenir is the result of a wreck.

93. if you swerve to hit a deer.

94. if the tires on your truck are bigger than your wife.

95. if you've ever driven a tractor to school.

96. if your high school prom had a day care center.

97. if you have ever made a frog-gigging spear.

98. if your toothbrush has more hair than your dog.

99. if your child's first words were 'Attention K-Mart Shoppers.'

100. You Climb to the top of a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sisters honor.

101. Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board

102. If your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off.

103. If you owe the taxidermest more than your annual income.

Most of these redneck jokes are from Jeff Foxworthy, check under, "Miscellaneous" on the links page.

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