Snama's Notes
It is a Cambridge Notebook....a navy cardboard covered 8 x 10 book...fine white paper. The pen had flowed, as a fountain, gushing her emotions.
Here now, spending another new day in Neshe's home, looking at her own notes, remembering her own anguish and torture in his regard.......
It was not long ago. And yet, it seemed of a completly different time.
And so it was.
For now, she was here, his, in an earlier world, staked and claimed.
Snama's Notes: -- July, 2003
He eats at me. Oceans away, half a day before me, and he eats my skin alive as if he were attached to me with his mouth.
Does he know I put up his picture as we speak?
Does he know I look at his lips and I taste them?
Does he know I see his gaze and feel it through me? His X-ray vision, raising my nipples and blushing me through......
His words! I swoon. Like some inexperienced virgin I am.
Does he know...I am dying of abstinence? To know He abstains Himself...dying beside me...ah! Hold me in this sweetness!
What shall I do? Come. Come to India. Ai yai yai!
How to resist? He tempts and he knows it. It is purposeful, deliberate, naked and without shame. And completely successful.
Do I deny that I also tempt? Tease with purport?
How malicious fate, that puts miles between lovers and turns them into arrow slingers?
I die.
Le petit morte.
Oui. Tous les jours, tous les heures, dans ma couer, pour tu mon amour.
One day, one day...I will devour You.
A smile broke across Snama's face, remembering now her own vow. What a difference to be here...to have her plan, to devour him.
With R & B on her headphones and gentle breathing, she lay back on the pillows, imagining the surprise lunch she would share with him today.
And she did. Devoured Him. Annihilated Him.
Snama's Notes: --
ohhh being here now!
I fear I have some sort of jet lag today. Between having traveled the geographic distance that has been between us, and making up for it by virtual non stop lovemaking...
well my little old brain feels rather scrambled today.
I am so happy here.
This is better than a dream come true.
This is a surprise.
I could never have imagined Neshe, this home.
But now, I am here and it is not my imagination.
I feel embarrassed that I must seem incapable of more than basic sex...when Neshe knows so much.
I love his strength, his command...which really I see first is his command of himself...
Maybe I have dreamed of him...a man who feels completely strong in himself without having to stand on a woman...
and continues to feel completely strong in himself when he finds himself standing beside her.
This is Neshe.
How I love him!
Aprés...
I had to check the shade again
before the mirror I did bend
and sure enough in different light,
the single bulb above at night,
did shadow dances on my bundd.
I had not pulled myself apart
or lit myself to show the art
as I did now in different light
Neshe's morning, Snama's night.
Shadow dancing in my bundd.
The cheeks were pulled as far they'd go
and I alit the dark shadow,
and pulled open this light pink door,
and saw raw flesh not seen before;
not my eyes.
They've been shadowed to my bundd.
And now because of Neshe's brand
his burning touch invades each hand
and I pull apart. They bring to see
the light that shines from him to me
and picture
open, moist, pink,round
and without shadow...
Mayree bundd.
Tayree Neshe.
So many months since I've picked up this pad to write. So long it has been and we have not touched.
Losing touch. I could not have imagined how hard it would be to be without Him. He must come here now. How amazing it would be to meet Him again, this time on my turf.
Would He come? If I told Him of a new future would He hear me? It has been so long. I will feel like a stranger when we speak again. I know me. I'll be awkward and embarrassed and shy as though we had never known each other. A weakness certainly, but the counterside of it is the strength of faith, love and hope. I have those.
I had wished I'd never walked out His door. Until today. I could see no future for him here until now.
It is so beautiful here. He would love it, without a doubt. And I know once I meet with Dr. Genovese and find out what he needs to build his company that there will be a place for me and for Neshe and other talents I know.
To come and live here. Work here. World class work. Cutting edge. Ground floor. I want him to know and be part of this adventure with me and some others. Work together. Business.
Ah me! Liar, liar, pants on fire. Business!
I want him here so that I may kiss his lips. I want him to put his lips to his brands.
"Come Neshe. Come to Canada."
What is Punjabi for Ai yi yi!!!!?hmmm...achcha!
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