Preparation
A schematized representation of the cosmos, chiefly characterized by a concentric organization geometric shapes, each of which contains an image of a deity or an attribute of a deity.
A symbol representing the effort to reunify the self.
She ventured across the world to seek the reunification of her self.
Snama, not being exactly standard, had not checked travel guides before heading to India. Instead, she pulled off her book shelf her good memory of India...."Mandala" by Pearl S. Buck.
Nothing along the way had disappointed her, nor surprised her. Neshe, was as intense and dark as she had found him to be in correspondence. She felt an immediate captivation, or perhaps an affirmation of a captivation long held.
Lusciousness. In him, and in his home. A delight to her senses, a splendid mixture of unfamiliar and incongruently strange familiarity.
Strange, but so good.
Looking out onto the rooftops, Snama could only think "Buck has written this.....us. At this moment." She inhaled the air of Neshe and felt a deep and blessed rush of timelessness.
In such timelessness, and in order to reunify herself,
Snama submitted to Neshe.
He slowly and effectively prepared her.
A proud offering her submission, and a daring trust to give it.
Perhaps that was it. He dared her.
When she first met him corresponding in chat, she was charmed by his elegance and intellect. She had always enjoyed the opportunity to speak with him.
She had a website of writing he had read and discussed with her, and also sent her writings of his own. These writings were the basis of many satisfying conversations.
While these chats often included an insinuation or innuendo of sexuality, she felt it more the natural play that occurs at the meeting of a man and a woman; a gentle charming, to open each other and add enough intimacy for deep and honest discussion.
But for that undercurrent, they were platonic, respectful and professional with each other.
Then, he sent his picture. There it was, his first outright dare.
His eyes black and connecting, his mouth promising both humour and passion. Thick raven hair, neatly cut, with a sweet stray lock at his forehead. A strong jaw and a chin that had the hint of a dimple. Classic white shirt and golden tie. A most striking and handsome man.
And in Snama, the vision of a predator...a tiger to her deer.
Looking at his picture, Snama could hear him thinking "Resist me. Try. I challenge you."
The photo had immense and shocking power.
Returning to his eyes she was captured. There was no speculation. Snama knew
"I would submit to this man"
And that was how he did it. He cut her open first with his eyes.
Slowly, naively, she bled feelings for Him. She did not realize, he tasted her blood and grew hungry.
REACHING ACINTYA
(no-thought)
Mindlessness, the gift of pain.
Mindlessness,
sweet bliss, ah sweet bliss.
i am grateful for You and for timing.
You walk me down a path of darkness.
You take me no further than i want to go.
Tell me please how is it...
how is it that You know?
Snama took her fourtieth year as a point of transition. A renaissance. Feeling fully accomplished and well in need of cleansing of her soul, she took leave of her profession and went into retreat for one year. One year became two, two became three.
In her life, Snama had accumulated enough pain to bring her to her knees. Her greatest pain was the abuse and suffering of children. The mother in her suffered as did her inner child.
From her knees, Snama was able to draw strength. She asked her higher power to deliver her more pain, but to take it away from hurting children. She knew the pain must exist. Such is life. She truly believed if every adult accepted their share of pain, fewer children would suffer.
In meditation, study and creativity Snama spent her hours. She also started disecting her mind. She cut it all apart and examined it piece by piece, replacing every thought into a compartment. And when she had filed everything in her mind neatly she was able to access the fullness of her pain.
She did reach mindlessness. She did enter onto a higher plane. From there, she did have vision.
quoted from pages 146, The Tao of Physics, Fritjof Capra, Shambala Publications, Inc. 1999
It was from this confirmation of her own thinking that Snama took peace.
Having stripped herself down of all the layers and labels she had gained through life she had a clean mind and was prepared for a new growth, in a second time.
Sexual submissiveness was in Snama's nature. She had not been happy about it, feeling vulnerable to any male who picked up on her need to be taken and to serve. She had therefore an armour.
Desiring to spend the rest of her life being true to her nature rather than resisting it and fearing it, she began an exploration of submission, Dominance and power exchange.
The more she discovered, the more she felt she had found her place. She could pronounce herself submissive, and feel happiness and pride in it.
Her first public admission of submissiveness was made in the chatroom. Here she was able to meet other submissives like herself, as well as meet Dominants.
Neshe, was a Dominant.
With any Dominant, Snama showed respect and courtesy but also stood ground not to be taken. She was sure that if she would show great strength and character she could only be taken by a Dominant of equally great or greater strength and character.
This is what she desired; a King to her Queen.
Neshe, was a King. He had a regal presence which was strong enough to reach Snama via internet chat. In Neshe, Snama felt she had met her match, a man who could challenge her, mind and body, heart and soul.
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