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Escape From Nightmare World: the Recipes
I had been living in a nursing home for almost two years. I finally made the great escape in late December 2004. Other than the complete and total lack of privacy, I hated the place for the awful food I was forced to eat. So even when I was there, I would find ways to cook various treats. And make no mistake: at a nursing home, well prepared food, no matter how humble, is a treat. Fresh vegetables become as desirable as chocolate cake.
I’ve decided to compile all of the recipes I have made while on the outside. I am doing this for a niumber of reasons. For one, it’s another way to express a part of myself. For another, it’s a way of archiving my recipes. I can’t lose my work if it’s kept forever on the web.
The place I live in is minimal at best. I have a room, and share a sort of kitchen like area with three other men. There is a refrigerator, a microwave, and a sink there (plus a brown rag that started out life as white—I presume this is used to clean the sink up, though I refuse to touch it) I do not have a stove or an oven. I have a crock pot, a toaster, a hot plate, a bread machine, a pizza baker, a sandwich maker and a microwave. I have some tools for cooking, including a knife, a food processor, various measuring cups and spoons, and so on.
As for resources, I have plenty. The location I live in is exxcellent: therer is a Schnucks, an Aldi, two thrift stores, a Family Dollar, a Big Lots, and several other stores within walking distance.
I am currently on SSI and food stamps. Being able to cook (and being a compulsive cheapskate) means that I am able to eat well, even on budget restraints. You will notice, for instance, that I don’t use ground beef in my recipes. This is because ground turkey costs less than half the cost of ground beef. I can’t see spending twice as much for something that doesn’t taste twice as good.
Usually I will make a lot of something, and it for quite a few days. My meals lately consist of a bowl full of whatever soup, stew or gumbo I have made (warmed up in the microwave), a bowl of salad, and a thick slice of home made bread. Whenever I get tired of a dish, it gets put in a container and frozen.
If I am still here by next Thanksgiving, I will have my famous bachelor Thanksgiving. This will consist of a meal made entirely of frozen, canned or dried material:
1 Jennie O turkey roll, baked
gravy made from the pan drippings
1 can cranberry sauce
1 box stuffing
1 pumpkin pie
1 conatainer brown and serve rolls, baked
1 bag frozen broccoli
1 can cheese soup
1 bottle cold duck
Bachelor christmas: the same as bachelor Thanksgiving.
These will be done day to day, when I make something new. Let's start with this month, January 2005.
Kind of burgers
(one of the first things I made when I came here)
2 # ground turkey
1/4 pound soda crackers, loosely crumbled
2 beef bouillon cubes, boiled in 1/2 cup water and cooled
1 onion, chopped
Mix the above together and shape into burgers. Fry in greased electric frying pan.
Gravy
("Hmmmm. I bet I can do something with that stuff in the pan.")
Put a couple of cups of water in the above frying pan. Turn the pan on high. Stir until the water is boiling and all the brown bits are loose. Add 4 beef bouillon cubes. Strain the liquid and add water to make 4 cups. Add 3/4 cup flour, stir thoroughly, and heat until thick.
Seafood gumbo
(proof that you don’t have to spend big money to eat well)
1/4 cup flour
2 TBS vegetable oil
3 1 lb. Cans diced tomatoes
2 pounds frozen okra
2 large onions, chopped
2 large green peppers, chopped
1/2 tsp. Garlic powder
1/4 cup jalapeno pepper rings
1 1/2 pounds whiting fillets, chopped
2 cups water
1 packet. Shrimp seasoning from a package of shrimp ramen
Brown flour with oil. Add all other ingredients except fish. Boil until tender. Add fish and boil until done.
Turkey stew
(my take on beef stew, using my all purpose meat)
1 pound ground turkey
2 cups carrots, chopped coarse
2 cups celery, chopped coarse
2 cups unpeeled potatoes, chopped coarse
1 onion, chopped coarse
1/4 tsp. Garlic powder
3 cups water
4 beef bouillon cubes
1/2 cup flour
Crumble the ground turkey. Microwave until done. Put turkey and all other ingredients except the flour in a crock pot. Bake on high until done, about 4 hours. Stir 1/2 cup flour in 1 cup water and stir into stew. Stir and cook in crock pot until thick.
Chili
(I had 1 pound of dry pinto beans left from the bean soup—so why not?)
1 pound ground turkey, microwaved and crumbled
2 beef bouillon cubes
2 cups water
4 cans tomato sauce
1/4 cup chili powder
1 onion, chopped
1/4 tsp. Garlic powder
2 stalks celery, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
1 pound pinto beans, soaked and boiled
Put all of above ingredients in a crock pot. Cook in crock pot for 4 hours or overnight on high.
Bean soup
(I liked this a lot, but it wore thin after 5 or so days)
1 pound dry pinto beans, soaked and cooked as per directions
1 pound ham, chopped
1 onion, chopped
2 chopped ribs celery
2 chopped carrots
1/4 tsp. Garlic powder
water to cover beans
1/4 cup flour
Boil the above together until vegetables are cooked and the soup is thick.
White bread
(a staple here)
3 cups flour
1 cup water
1 1/2 TBS oil
3 TBS sugar
1 1/2 tsp. Salt
1 tsp. Yeast
Place in bread machine. Bake standard cycle.
Popcorn bread
(I had read that in WW2 they tried substituting ground up popped popcorn for th flour in bread. I figured "Why not?" It makes for a great loaf, but not really worth the extra effort)
2 cups flour
popcorn which has been ground down to make a cup of meal like flour
1 cup water
1 1/2 TBS oil
3 TBS sugar
1 1/2 t sp. Salt
1 tsp. Yeast
Bake as per standard bread.
chocolate cinnamon bread
(a diet bread with a great flavor. I fed a couple of slices to some wild geese. They loved it)
2 3/4 cup flour
1/4 cup cocoa
1/4 cup sugar
6 packets. Saccharine (Sweet 'n Low or equivalent)
1 tsp. Cinnamon
3 TBS vegetable oil
1/3 cup milk powder
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup water
1 1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. Dry yeast
Bake in a bread machine the standard amount of time.
Baking soda and sour milk biscuits
(I had baking soda, so why bother buying baking powder?)
2 cups flour
1/3 cup milk powder
1 tsp. Baking soda
1 1/4 cups water
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 TBS white vinegar
These were baked in a sandwich maker.
Late night snack potatoes
(no butter in the house? That didn’t stop me)
3 small potatoes
1/4 cup oil
1/2 tsp. Popcorn salt
1/2 tsp. Black pepper
Microwave potatoes until tender. Cut into fourths. Pour oil on top, then add popcorn salt and pepper. Stir.
Vegetable salad
(I had all of these vegetables. Salad was a rare treat at the nursing home., It took me a few hours to realize that, yes, *I* could have a salad if I so chose)
1 crown broccoli, chopped
3 stalks celery, chopped
3 carrots, chopped
2 green peppers, chopped
1 onion, chopped
Mix together. Serve with ranch dressing.
Onion bread
(a very simple bread to make. You have to watch it being kneaded and add water or flour to keep the dough at the right texture)
3 cups flour
3/4 cup water
1 onion, cut coarsely
1 1/2 TBS oil
1 1/2 tsp. Salt
3 TBS sugar
1 tsp. Yeast
Put all ingredients in bread machine. Standard cycle.
Onion soup
(a late night snack, inspired by the most dangerous words in the world: "I wonder what would happen if…")
3 onions, chopped
3 TBS oil
3 cups water
3 beef bouillon cubes
Sauté onions in oil until browned. Pour in water and bouillon cubes. Heat until boiling. Serve with whatever bread you have.
Pizza
(I soon found out that yes, you can get tired of pizza, no matter how well made. One 12" pizza makes four meals—not a bad deal!)
crust:
2 cups flour
3/4 cup water
1 tsp. Salt
1 TBS oil
2 TBS sugar
1 tsp. Yeast
Set machine on dough cycle and process
toppings: 1 cup (4 oz.) cheese (mozzarella or cheddar) grated
1/2 cup Aldi spaghetti sauce
1 cam mushrooms, drained
1/2 cup chunk pineapple
1/2 pkg. Sliced pepperoni
1 green pepper, chopped cooked and cooled
1 onion, chopped cooked and cooled
Spread yeast dough in a greased pizza baker pan. Spread on sauce. Mix onions, green peppers and mushrooms together. Spread on top of pizza. Put pepperoni on top of that. Sprinkle cheese over all. Bake in pizza baker for 25 minutes.
Bottle cheesecake
(In the world of TV production, a bottle show is one that is seemingly pulled out of a bottle—that is, essentially created from nothing)
8 cups water
3 cups milk powder
1/4 cup white vinegar
2 cups water
1/3 cup flour
1 cup milk powder
1 TBS vanilla flavor
1 package strawberry diet Jell-O
1 cup water
12 packets. Aspartame sweetener (Equal etc.)
CRUST:
1 1/2 cups crumbled crackers (any kind), or vanilla wafers, or graham crackers (some coarsely crumbled, some finely crumbled)
1/3 cup oil
1/3 cup sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon
Make the crust: mix the crumbs, the oil, the sugar and the cinnamon together. Push evenly into a greased pie pan or similar pan.
Mix milk powder, water and white vinegar together. Microwave until milk clabbers. Strain through cheesecloth and allow to cool.
Mix and heat 2 cups water, 1/3 cup flour, and 1 cup milk powder together until thick. Stir in 1 TBS vanilla. Allow to cool.
Heat 1 cup water top boiling. Stir in diet Jell-O. Allow to cool. Stir in 12 packets. Aspartame sweetener.
Grind curdled cooled milk in a food processor until smooth. Whisk the milk, the pudding, and the Jell-O together.
Pour over crust. Allow to cool in refrigerator overnight.
Emergency spaghetti
(We all have ramen. No one really likes the stuff. We all have it because it’s cheap and keeps forever)
1 package ramen noodles
1/2 to 3/4 cup Aldi spaghetti sauce.
Cook ramen as per package directions. Drain. Heat up spaghetti sauce in the microwave. Stir in flavoring packet from amen. Stir into hot ramen noodles.
Special hot salt
(my all purpose seasoning)
1 cup season salt
1/4 cup cayenne pepper
1/4 cup black pepper
fudge
(Yes, I am a diabetic. I made this to impress my girlfriend)
2 pound bag powdered sugar
1 cup cocoa
12 TBS (1 1/2 sticks) el cheapo margarine
1 TBS vanilla
1 tsp. salt
5 TBS water
3 TBS milk powder
Mix ingredients together. Put into mold lined with plastic wrap and allow to cool.
Nacho Cheese Bread
(The next time I make this, I think I will put 1/2 cup of corn meal in place of 1/2 cup of the flour)
3 cups flour
1 cup water
4 oz. sharp cheddar cheese, cut into chinks
1 tsp. red pepper flakes (not enough-- double next time)
1 TBS oil
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. yeast
Put it all into the bread machine. Process as per standard loaf.
Pork roast
(Shop 'n Save had pork roasts on sale for $1.00 a pound, so I got 2.)
1 pork roast
hot season salt (see recipe)
2 cups water
1 beef boullion cube
1 chicken boullion cube
1 twisted up coat hanger
Salt pork roast liberally. Put coat hanger in bottom of crock pot to act as rack. Put in water and boullion cubes. Put roast on top. Bake on low for 4-8 hours.
Pork gravy
(I have decided that the proper ratio of gravy to mashed potatoes is 1:1)
Liquid from cooked pork, strained and cooled, with fat removed
2 boullion cubes
3/4 cup flour
water to make 4 cups
Mix above together. Heat until thick.
Pork tacos
(I had the taco kit. I had some pork. WHy not?)
1 box taco mix (shells, taco seasoning, sauce included)
1 pound cookmed pork roast, ground up in food processor
1 cup water
Mix pork with water and taco seasoninbg mix. Heat until hot. Sevre.
Southern style pulled pork
(Ah, leftovers...)
remaining ground up pork and taco seasoning
barbecue sauce to moisten
Heat up the above two ingredients. Spread on white bread.
Pork head souse
(kind of like head cheese, kind of like souse.)
Bones and fat from pork roasts
water to cover
3/4 cup white vinegar
1 TBS onion powder
1/2 cup garlic powder
2 tsp. special season salt
Boil the heck out of the fat and bones, until the meat falls off of them. Cool. Pick the meat and fat from the bones. Cool the boiling water. Skim off the fat.
Heat up the stock, add the pork, and all other ingredients. Put in a loaf pan and allow to cool.
Foolcon Salad
(Named after a salad I assembled at a salad bar at Foolcon, back in the careless, carefree days of my youth.)
1 head cauliflower, cut up
1 crown broccoli, cut up
1 package spinach leaves
sunflower kernels, applied as topping
blue cheese salad dressing
Mix vegetabl;es together. Serve in large bowl. Sprinkle with sunflower kernels. Pour on blue cheese dressing. Mix together.
Rye Bread
(I had most of what I needed, si I figured why not?)
2 1/2 cups white flour
1/2 cup rye flour
3 TBS blackstrap molasses
1 1/2 TBS oil
1 1/2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. caraway seeds
1 tsp. yeast
Process as per standard bread.
Don't have no butter popcorn
(I admit it: I am a cheapskate. But the thing is, the "vegetable oiul spread" I use is mostly water, which screws up popcorn terribly)
1 batch air popped popcorn
1/2 cup vegetable oil;
butter flavored popcorn salt, to taste
mashed potatoes
(Why put butter, salt and milk on these if they're going to be covered in gravy anyway?)
1/3 cup mashed potato flakes
1/2 cup hot water
Mix the above together. Microwave until hot. Serve with an equal amount of gravy. Dip home made bread in the gravy.
Cream of Vegetable Soup>
(I had this head of celery that had become limp. So...)
About half a head of limp celery
6 cups water
4 chicken boullion cubes
1 package Knorr vegetable soup mix
Boil the above together until the celery and vegetables are tender.
2 cups water
1 1/3 cups milk powder
2/3 cup flour
Combine the above ingredients. Stir into vegetable stock. Cook until thick.
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Esacpe From Nightmare Worl: the Recipes Part 2
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