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20 Things You Should Not Do As a CSI
1. You should not eat any of Grissom's bugs. He's allowed to, you are not.
2. You should not tap "I Will Survive" on Nicky's bald/fuzzy head.
3. You should definitely not tap "Short People" either.
4. You should not tell The Who to stop asking who you are. Because they won't.
5. You should not date a hooker because chances are high she'll end up dead during your investigation and they'll go for the guy who was last with her.
6. You should not use Doc Robbins scalpels and knives to play Operation on hobos.
7. You should not party with the dead people, no matter what kind of people they were when they were living.
8. You should not squeal everytime Warrick and Catherine have 'a moment' together.
9. You should not yell "KISS HER, DAMMIT!" at Grissom when he and Sara are having 'a moment' together.
10. You also should not ask 'When's the wedding?' or 'Did that worm get any workout lately?' to Grissom after he finishes talking to Sara.
11. You should not be buried alive before taking lessons from Pai Mei of the Kill Bill fame.
12. You should not bleach your hair. Greg can, you cannot.
13. You should not make 'your daughter' jokes at anyone. Especially at Catherine or Brass.
14. You should not show a bad attitude to Sofia. However, you are allowed to trip her slightly. Only slightly.
15. You should not dress up as Freddy Kreuger, listen to Marilyn Mason, and work in a lab. It worked for Greg but not you.
16. You should not give Mia a piece of your birthday cake.
17. You should not ask Warrick to give you a lap dance. He was not the former stripper.
18. You should not pull out diamonds stuffed up a horse's ass. Nor should you play with the horse's poo.
19. You should not flirt with David because he has a job to do and is much cooler than you because he is engaged.
20. You should not crack jokes before Catherine or Grissom. Now that's just disrespect there!
Should you fail to follow these rules, may you suffer one or many of these punishments:
-May you be stuck in Miami listening to Horatio's sob story and watching him change sunglasses every two seconds.
-May you be doomed to watch the next three new CSI series that are coming out: Narnia, Midgar, and Middle Earth.
-May Grissom sic his precious flesh eating ants on you.
-May you wake up finding yourself making love...to Doc Robbins fake leg.
-May Greg be rude, unkempt, and bitchy towards you.
-May there never be coffee or doughnuts for you during the graveyard shift. Ever!
-May you be buried alive instead.
-May Ecklie start stripping on your bed at night.
-May Hodges the Nose eat your brains. And then make rude comments about them.
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