The Piglet
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I feasted, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious delicacy of forgotten stores -
While I digested, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently snorting - snorting at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "oinking at my chamber door -
Only this and nothing more."
Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December,
And each separate falling bread crumb wrought its mold upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my food surcease of sorrow - sorrow for my lost figure -
For my figure (like a maiden’s) that I possess no more -
That I will miss, forevermore.
And the silken sad burping rustling of each regurgitation
Thrilled me - filled me with acid reflux never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
This it is and nothing more."
Presently my tummy grew calmer; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly yours forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping - tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you" - here I opened wide the door: -
Darkness there, and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Oh heartburn! Moaning moans no mortal ever dared to moan before; But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Calories!" -
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Calories! -
Merely this and nothing more.
Then into the chamber turning, oh the heartburn! Oh the burning!
Soon again I heard a snorting, something louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more."
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with in sight no apple or butter,
In there stepped a stately Piglet of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not an instant stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady squatted below my chamber door -
Squatted upon a bust of Pallas just below my chamber door -
Snorted, and sat, and nothing more.
Then this rosy-hued swine beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy crest be oddly colored, thou," I said, "art sure no dullard, Ghastly grim and ancient Piglet wandering from the butcher store - Tell me what thy lordly name is on the corner butcher store! "Quoth the Piglet, "Eat bacon no more."
Much I marvelled this ungainly hog to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing dinner below his chamber door -
Entree or tidbit upon the marble platter above his chamber door,
With such name as "Eat bacon no more."
But the Piglet, sitting lonely on that placid plate, spoke only
That one phrase, as if his soul in that one phrase he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered; not a snout hair then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "Other friends have fried before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have died before,"
Then the pig said, "Eat bacon no more."
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master, whom some medical Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his Hope the melancholy burden bore
Of “Eat bacon- no more.”
But the Piglet still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of swine and plate and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous ham of yore -
What this fat, succulent, juicy, slick, and ominous ham of yore
Meant in oinking "Eat bacon no more."
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the swine whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
Indigestion, nevermore!
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he hath sent thee Fast - fast and nepenthe from thy memories of figure! Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost figure! "Quoth the Piglet, "Eat bacon no more."
"Deli meat!" said I, "thing of evil! – deli meat still, if pork or devil! -
Whether Sara Lee sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this dessert, so enchanted -
On this Home by butcher haunted - tell me truly I implore -
Is there - is antacid in my medicine cabinet? tell me - tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Piglet, "Eat bacon no more."
"Deli meat!" said I, "thing of evil – deli item still, if pork or devil!
By that Oven that bends above us - by that butter we both adore -
Tell this soul with reflux laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall have figure like maiden and not rather like a boar.
Shall I be shapely like a maiden?"
Quoth the Piglet, "Eat bacon no more."
"Be that word our sign of parting, hog or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting - "Get thee back into the tempest and corner butcher store! Leave no hoofprint as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust below my door!
Take thy snout from out my heart, and take thy form from off my floor!" Quoth the Piglet, "Eat bacon no more."
And the Piglet, still is ample, sitteth here now with an apple
In his mouth, on shining platter just inside my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a Lunch of which I’m dreaming,
Vegetables are now appealing, if near meat I hear his squealing, And nothing that is pork tempts my fancy anymore
For I eat bacon- Nevermore!
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