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Personal and Financial Dating Safety For Women
Dating Safety: Personal and Financial Dating Safety For Women
Excerpted from: Ladydontbelonely.com
Dating Advice for Women
WHO IS HE?
KNOW WHO YOU'RE SEEING
Ascertain the kind of man you’re dealing with as soon as possible. This needs to be done tactfully. Ask questions to “authenticate him” and to find out who he is. A man should be willing to tell you what he does for a living and who he works for. If he says he’s “in business for himself”, ask what the name of his company is and ask what they do. (Women may wish to be more circumspect about telling where they work until they feel good about a guy, which might take fifteen minutes or two or three dates. You probably don't want the guy showing up unannounced at work.) Ask where he lives. Watch for any sense of evasiveness.
If you feel a man is being very coy, I wouldn’t see him again. Most men have little to fear from women and should be open with you. Not being open may signal that he doesn’t do what he says, doesn’t want to tell you where he works or lives or is a man who doesn’t want to be identified. Having a man tell you “I work on Wall Street” doesn’t tell you very much. He may also be married, masquerading as single. Learn enough about a guy so that he could be “checkable”, even if you don't do it. Of course, if you know somebody who works at his company or lives in his area, tactfully ask about him, or have someone else help. You might get a good report, which can be encouraging, or you might learn something that will cause you to cross him off the list. “Men of mystery” may sound fine in movies and in books, but in the real world, know who you are dealing with as best as you can.
PERSONAL SAFETY
If you exercise caution and prudence about who you go out with, and the situations you are in, most of the time the men you date will be gentlemen and personal safety will not be a dating issue. If you feel that a man's behavior is improper, say so. If he tries anything that is not welcome, be very firm in saying no. If he persists, tell him that "No means no. I expect to be treated like a lady." Never go anywhere isolated with someone you do not know well.
Watch your drink if you need to leave the bar or table. Some men have been known to slip drugs into them. If there is only a little of your drink left, finish it before you get up. Be careful how much you drink. It can affect how you act and respond.
Hopefully, you will never have to resort to the use of personal protection devices on a date, or any other time, but it is something you should consider. One safety device all women should have is a cell phone. Leave the phone on when you are out. Many of them are already programmed, or can be programmed, that when you push and hold on the "9", or other programmed key, it will automatically dial "911". Other personal protection products include pepper sprays and high decibel alarms. The products are available from many sources. Just search under "personal protection products". Check with a police officer or attorney in your community to ascertain what the law is with respect to the use of personal protection devices. It is against the law to take pepper sprays on an aircraft. Any products designed to further ensure your safety are ones you should consider.
There is also a digital pedometer/alarm which measures distance and calories burned, with a pull cord which when activated produces a loud panic alarm. Stay fit and safer at the same time! This product was mentioned in "Health Magazine" for women. It struck me as a very sensible safety device.(The product is offered by Brunton.com. When you get to their site, put "digital pedometer with alarm" in the search box and it will provide the product information).
There are also a number of personal safety videos for women, self defense courses and other manners of protection you may wish to consider.
Always wear your seat belt and lock your car doors. (Locked car doors are less likely to come open in an accident than unlocked ones.) Both will offer you greater protection in an accident. I was hit in the rear by a hit and run driver and driven into a concrete median on the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey. If I hadn't had my seat belt on, I would not be writing this now. Be safety conscious.
I mention this as a matter of general safety, not specifically relating to dating. While there is no perfect advice on this point, a video developed by a former City of Chicago police officer recommended that if you ever are threatened by someone with a weapon ordering you to come with him, it is better to make your stand right there at what he called "Location #1". Run and scream "Fire!", not "Help!" which people are more likely to ignore. If you are grabbed, use pepper spray, a personal alarm, gouge eyes with your finger or car key, bite as hard as you can, kick or do whatever you have to do. It is no time to be "a lady". The location an assailant would take a victim to, "Location #2", is only going to be more isolated and therefore far more dangerous. I've mentioned these things not to unduly alarm you, but so you will think safety, be forewarned and better prepared. The best preparation is to think ahead and avoid dangerous situations in the first place.
Never walk in dark areas or stay in buildings where you are alone. Always park your car in a lighted area close to the exit of your work, mall or wherever else you are exiting from. Have your key out so you can enter your vehicle as soon as possible and lock the doors immediately. Being "street smart" involves staying out of harm's way.
DANGER! DO NOT ENTER--OR STAY!
Anything you perceive as a danger sign or more serious ones such as a man's involvement in illegal activities or someone saying to you seriously “if I can’t have you, no one will”, are cause to end things immediately, when you are out of harm's way. Perceive serious remarks like this as threats.
Similarly, any man who would ever grab you, restrain you, block your movement, shove you or hit you should be a man you NEVER see again. If you stay with him, it will happen again and again. Talk to police officers or attorneys who practice family law who have to get restraining orders. They will confirm what I've said.
Any man who would physically hurt a woman is the lowest form of human being. Have nothing whatsoever to do with any guy like that. If they persist, contact the police and an attorney specializing in family law, if necessary. There are anti-stalking laws to protect you. Anyone who “scares you” for any reason is not someone you should be with. You’d only be much more scared later. You want to have a relaxed, loving and peaceful existence, not have to live on the edge like a scared rabbit.
FINANCIAL SAFETY
Whatever degree of financial security you have, you have worked hard for or a deceased spouse's insurance, savings and investments may have provided it. It is one thing to have a relationship not work out, it is quite another to have your financial safety jeopardized as a result of it. Until you are as absolutely sure about someone as you can be, and I mean even including after the time you have married or have decided to live together, if you haven’t known each other very long, keep your bank accounts, investments, credit card numbers,PIN numbers and the like private and well concealed.
Do not lend money or your credit cards or give anyone access to your bank accounts or account numbers. No matter how valid the reason seems to be or how “temporarily short” he is to meet a business need or to invest in one. If a relationship ends, you may never see the loaned money again. Likewise, do not discuss your assets, life insurance or accident settlement proceeds received or expected, or potential income from pending legal cases. These can be attractions to the wrong kind of person. Be judicious in what you say about these and any other financial matters.
You probably have seen on television news magazine programs, how unsuspecting women, who thought they had found love,were scammed financially, and scarred emotionally as well, even after they had married. There is no lower form of being than a man who would do this to a loving and trusting woman. My admiration for the women who were willing to assist the police in apprehending people like this, in spite of their own personal embarrassment, is off the scale. They deserve medals – and far better men. While they felt foolish because their hearts had been swindled as well as their financial resources, their courage in stepping forward hopefully has served to make other women a bit more cautious.
For both your personal and financial security, if you have some doubts, ask a friend or relative in law enforcement if they would be able to confidentially check the person out. Obviously if anything comes back like convictions or charges for bad check writing, fraud, complaints of spousal abuse, DWI’s, driving on the revoked list, you know what to do. What you’re looking for is a law abiding citizen. Don't be super- suspicious, just cautious for a while.
No matter what your financial position is, you should refer to reliable, and unbiased, sources of financial information to guide you and to prevent financial errors. Speak with an experienced attorney and financial advisor before making any big financial moves. I would suggest you have both. In rare cases, some attorneys and financial planners have embezzled money from their clients. Having another experienced professional to run things by is a good safeguard. Financial security can help provide peace of mind and independence. The lack of it can cause a great deal of unrest and unhappiness.
"Kiplinger's Personal Finance" magazine provides information and advice in its magazine and website on investing, managing your money, and home and car spending, and also provides advice columns and financial tools to assist you. It provides a great deal of practical and understandable advice for your financial safety and security.
"Consumer Reports" magazine has long been recognized as a source of reliable and unbiased product information. They rate products and offer consumer advice to assist with purchase decisions.
If you are careful in selecting the type of men you date, most men are going to be fine. Don't come across as if you are conducting a cross examination. You don’t want to scare the right men off. Most sensible and intelligent men should be able to put themselves in the woman’s position and will respond openly and accordingly to any questions you have. If they "can’t understand", get really defensive, are uncooperative or seem really nervous about your questions,look for someone who is more open.
This brief section simply touches on the surface of personal and financial security protection. Speak to law enforcement officers and look at safety websites such as SaferDating.com and obtain recommendations for a trusted financial adviser to protect yourself.
For dating advice for women on a variety of dating topics such as ways to meet men,online dating,photo/profile and appearance suggestions,evaluating men,intimacy and sex,childre/work and dating,your dating safety and many women's resources, visit us at our home site: Ladydontbelonely.com. (Dating Advice For Women) by clicking on the link below. We care. We can help. Let a guy's perspective help you.
--If you feel this information has been helpful to you, your comments would be appreciated. I'd also be glad to hear of any other thoughts you have on these topics, or of situations you have found yourself in, that I might address in our sites to assist other women.
Dating Advice For Women
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