This site is a collection of various thoughts and feelings where imagination is free to roam and painted pictures are sketched upon a once white canvas that has been splattered with colorful images. Some are bright and shining, encouraging and uplifting; while others are dull and gray, depressing and sad. But I am confident that hope shows itself in them all...for what other option do we have when we find ourselves at the very bottom of the rope than to climb slowly back to the top! I hope you enjoy my Painting with Words colored by my own thoughts and feelings, as they come together and blend beautifully into single, unique portraits, hopefully...worthy of study.
Besides the Paint With Words home page, are 4 other pages:
The Master's Touch
Shades of Grey
Splashes of Yellow
True Colors
(listed at bottom of each page)
SILENT MUSE
To be uninspired is to be empty to the very depths of your soul even as the burden you carry feels heavy, as if the weight of the world rests upon your shoulders.
To be uninspired is to be able to breathe, but to live as one barely alive as inability suffocates you to such a degree that you feel the touch of death upon your skin.
To be uninspired is to scream with all your might, yet fail to be heard because you lack the freedom of expression to bestow thoughts and feelings upon listening ears.
To be uninspired is to stand ready and willing, but unable and powerless to turn reason into rhyme no matter how hard you try to convey what remains upon your heart.
TRUE BLUE
I may be laughing merrily on the outside
When inside, I'm silently crying
But if you were to guess this
I'd deny it until tears streamed down my face
I may act as if I feel good inside and out
Even when I am severely hurting
But if I caught you reading me
I'd grin until I could bear it no longer
I may stand up straight and tall on the outside
When inside, I'm an insecure child
But if you were to confront me
I'd openly defy you in a screaming fit of temper
I may act cool and confident on the outside
When inside, I'm actually shaking
But if you were to challenge me
I'd argue until I came completely unraveled
I may portray only great intelligence
When inside, I feel so dumb
But if you were to question me
I'd make you look ignorant with stupid answers
I may pretend not to care what you think
When inside, it's all that matters
But if you were to flatter me
I would still deny you...all the way
FINDING ME
I was drowning. Sunk so low that any hope of happiness
seemed as far out of reach as the Northern Star.
I was lost. Had wandered to a place where I couldn't find myself
and had settled instead, on the path of least resistance.
I found myself in love.
Finding joy in the smallest of things…
In the sound of a bird singing,
In the gentle falling rain…
And as the wind whispered "happiness",
I found myself living
for the first time in years.
Just as I'd begun to think this dream could be reality...
I found myself alone. Abandoned so sweetly,
yet I still feel the bitter sting of tears.
I look at my reflection and see a defeated woman,
all used up and abused and so very stupid
that I just want to die.
I found myself giving up when something within me
said, "No". One, single spark of defiance
was bigger than the ocean that sought to drown me.
Love may have quickened me, but loss has made me strong.
The only power he has over me is that, that I choose to give him.
He may have swept me off my feet but I have made both the choice
and the effort to stand tall.
I will love again because I choose to "live" whatever the cost.
For to give up on love would be more destructive
than anything I've been through so far.
So here I go again...reaching for a star.
THE GAME OF LIFE
Life is like a chess board game
The pieces black and white
Each one fills a certain place
To save its king from plight
The pawn moves forward steady and straight
'Til the foe attacks from the side
Then he battles toe to toe
He has nothing to hide
The castle is an important piece
His loss would be felt by all
Yet in his strength, he may forget
"Pride comes before a fall"
The brave knight is so cunning
He's very subtle and wise
So very quiet is the knight
The foe dies by surprise
The bishop is very confident
As he slides in for the kill
He prays before each battle
Always seeking God's will
The queen is stunningly powerful
With an elegant regal beauty
She gives support, remaining a symbol
Of love and faith and duty
A bad king takes a gleeful delight
In lives lost for his own
This is just expected
As the whole world is his pawn
A good king is very humbled
By each one willing to fight
He is thankful for another day
And looks forward to another night
The game of chess, though fun to play
Isn't as easy as it looks
The harder the struggle, the more you try
There are no perfect rooks
The game of life is just the same
A rose has thorns of steel
But if you quit when you get pricked
The cut will never heal
Like the pawn, you should drive head-on
Like the castle, go with speed
Like the knight, be brave in wisdom
Like the bishop, on your knees
Beware of a queen that will bring you down
Always choose with care
Beware of becoming a prideful king
That sees no need of prayer
And if in your struggle for the perfect life
The first time around, you lose
Never forget that the best things in life
Always come by two's
WHY ME?
Why am I so misunderstood
When all I want is understanding?
Why am I the one alone
When I want so badly to belong to another?
Why do I keep loving people
When they find it so hard to love me back?
What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with them?
Why do I sense disapproval
When all I want is to be accepted?
Why am I so accepting of others
When all I get in return is rejection?
Why am I so giving of myself
When all I get is scorn?
What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with them?
Why do I keep caring
When all I get is unconcern?
Why do I not sleep at night
While I imagine others sleeping sound?
Why do I hold on the tightest
When they need their "space" the most?
What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with them?
Why can't I see myself
When I'm so good at perceiving others?
Why can't I accept myself
When I'm so very accepting of others?
Why can't I forgive myself
When I forgive others so easily?
What is wrong with me? YOU DON'T LOVE YOURSELF!
How can I love myself
When no one else loves me?
How can they love me
When I see nothing for them to love?
How can I change my viewpoint
When I only see myself through their eyes?
What is wrong with me?
You have to FORGIVE yourself.
You have to LOVE yourself.
You have to ACCEPT yourself.
You have to BE yourself
CARELESS
As she sits in quiet reflection
playing back in her mind
every word said, every gesture made,
and every smile given,
she wonders if he even knows
how very much she cares.
She remains very reserved,
and is far from careless;
still, she thinks he must know.
He thinks she could care less...
As he turns up his favorite song
trying his best to forget
every word said, every move made,
and every touch given,
he wonders if she even knows
how deeply she affects him.
He is very careful,
and is far from careless;
still, he thinks she must know.
She thinks he could care less...
FROM BAD TO WORSE
There are worse things in life
than being stuck in a place
that used to be "home"
but has now become a prison
of your own making;
for you could be lonely...
all alone.
There are worse things in life
than being stuck in a vacuum
void of riches, save love
freely bestowed by those
who love you the most in the world;
for you could have been cursed...
with no children.
There are worse things in life
than losing your ability to cry
but being forced to cry out
for help when pride makes you
cringe with the effort of asking;
for you could have need of nothing...
and be dead already.
FORGET ME NOT
He loves me, he loves me not...
The million dollar question.
I may never know the truth
But maybe what I know is enough
I couldn't dare guess his feelings
All I know is how I feel about him
And if I could ever gain the courage
To convey what's on my heart it would be this:
Please, remember me.
He loves me, he loves me not...
What is love anyways?
I know he truly cares for me
I see it in the intensity of his eyes
When he looks into my soul
I hear it in the sound of his voice
As he softly whispers my name
I will never forget him and would only ask of him:
Please, remember me.
GUILTY CONSCIENCE
Taking pleasure from your pain is not something of which I'm proud
but I'd inflict pain on myself before I'd expose the real me...
Enjoying your discomfort so I can feel a little taller sickens me
but I'd die before my skin turned pale before your eyes...
Getting my entertainment at your expense sometimes bothers me
but I laugh all the harder so you cannot see...
Telling you lies and sneering when you believe each one, disturbs me
but I am all the more mindful to display only sanity...
In sharing secrets with others to feed off their vibes, I'm guilty
but I turn and run away before you notice my remorse...
Boosting my ego by playing you against another, initiates humility
but I bury those feelings and flaunt only vanity...
Playing for fun when I know you play for keeps, rips me apart
but I'd never let you see me fall apart at the seams...
Feeling my superiority by putting you in your place makes me scream
but I always let you think my anger is directed at you...
Reliving the times that I cause you grief haunt me nightly it seems
but I don't want to go there, so I never dream...
LADY IN RED
She beckons from a distance
I try hard to resist
She's powerfully addictive
It only takes one kiss
I reckon with my conscience
She bestows a wink
Knowing that I will not stop
With just one little drink
She reveals a knowing grin
As I begin to sway
She senses that I'll have no will
Once she's had her way
I strive to turn away from her
She's forbidden fruit
But so compelling is the sound
Of Pied Piper's flute
THE BRAVE PROMISE
Ask me to hold you,
...and I will never let go.
Ask me to need you,
...and I will cling too tightly.
Ask me to comfort you,
...and I will never give you peace.
Ask me to open myself to you,
...and I'll discard my lock and key.
Ask me to be honest with you,
...and I'll bombard you with the truth.
Ask me to talk to you,
...and I won't know when to be quiet.
Ask me to fully embrace you,
...and I'll try to make you mine.
Ask me to always remember you,
...and I will never ever forget.
But ask me to love you,
...and I'll never ever stop.
HUMAN ANGELS
I saw a little girl
who's halo of golden curls
was so cute
I just had to stop and stare...
Then she turned and looked at me
and I was shocked to see
her big eyes
so sweet and blue
overflowing with despair
I saw a little boy
holding tightly to his toy
I could tell
his mind was far away from here...
Then his Mama spat his name
the spell was broken and he came
back to earth,
his body bracing
for the blow he knew was near.
I hurried to my home
where children of my own
were so happy
to see me walking through the door...
Then I hugged them oh so tight
and I watched them through the night
as my mind
filled with thoughts
of the ones I'd seen before.
I got down on my knees
and said, "Father, would you please
protect them
from the ones that mean them harm"...
Then He whispered to my heart,
"Son, we're never far apart.
I send hope
by earthly angels
who reach out their loving arms".
THE END BEGINS
Started high school on that first day
Golden curls that bounced and swayed
Great big smile, so eager to go
Impatient to learn all you could know
You did well; met new friends
Then school dismissed
It reached it's end
Started high school, yesterday it seems
Golden opportunities and silver dreams
A determination and desire to learn
Success obtained by lights that burned
Proudly bearing a cap with fringe
Yet it's not over
The end, just begins
Starting out in life what should you do
So many roads from which to choose
You are strong and very wise
But without God, natural wisdom dies
You'll find in following the map He sends
That where one road stops,
Another begins
PLEDGED ALLEGIANCE
You were there for me
when no one else was
willing to give of their time.
I didn't ask, yet there you were.
You encouraged me
when they sifted me as wheat
and found me wanting.
I was restored by your faith in me.
You stood up for me
when others, in their insecurities
knocked me down.
I stood in awe of your loyalty.
You lifted me up
when their expectations weakened me
to the point that I could not stand.
I was empowered by your strength.
I'm proud to call you my friend
Whatever my problem,
I don't have far to go.
I turn...and there you are.
I'LL BE HERE
Whenever you're feeling troubled
And your burdens stick like glue
And you need a friend to talk to
I'll be here for you
You know that you can count on me
No matter what you do
Cause friends we are, and friends we'll stay
I'm always here for you
I love you now and always will
I know you love me too
And if ever you need a helping hand
Mine is here for you
So when you think you need to talk
Just 'cause you're feeling down
All you have to do is call
I'll always be around
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