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** Firme ** Firme ** Firme ** Firme ** Firme
This is my page. I just got started, but i wanted to put all the things i like together 4 all tha gente to see. i love los kumbia kinds, and here you'll find links to sights where you can learn about them. also, i wanna give a shout out to my homiez: rOsAlItA lA bOnItA, jazmine's crack headed ass, KaThY lA fLaQuIlLa, NaTaLiA lA gRiNgItA, TaMeKa, BlAnQuItA, DaNa La ChInA cOcHiNa, KaWt-NiH aKa SmIlEy, BeTtY, MY bIg sIStA, SaRaH "N*A*P", jUsTiNE aKa LiL ShOrTy LoCa, JoE My BrOtHa FrOm AnOtHa MoThA, and all tha otherz i didn't mention, you now who you are. I wanna take this opportunity to say that i believe that the world is at a point where stereotypes are no longer needed, and racism should be thrown out tha door because to be honest, nowadayz, you never know what race someone could be and you could really piss them off by saying some stupid mierda about their skin. This is a poem by a friend of mine named Bianca Ortiz, who is a big influence on me, if you would like to see more of her stuff, her website is messtiza.com. Check it out!! Mestiza
080097 i am not white. i am not brown.i am the synthesis of these shades:mestiza.Two colors unevenly distributed over my body as a constant reminder. A face that burns in the sun as arms and legs absorb the heat and grow darker. Pocha tongue that speaks english and clumsily drips out espanol as I translate from the english words in my head. And I once had dyed black hair but was embarrassed by the brown roots reaching for recognition so now I usually live with my own hair color. "What are you?" is everyone's favorite question to ask me. "A dichotomy," I answer, "Mexican and White. I am a mestiza."Brown girl, mi morenita hermosa, I sat next to you wishing my mestiza skin was as dark as the skin you wish was light like mine. Huera y prieta. How come we have to hate our skin and spend our lives getting used to it?My skin is a constant battle. When I was younger I was darker and somewhere between then and now this skin became light. I used to think I was as dark as my best friend from elementary and middle school who was also mestiza. Everyone around me was brown so I assumed I was too. It wasn't until sixth grade that I realized my skin was this light. I was sitting on the Muni underground with my friend and saw our reflection in the window. I saw how dark she was and how light I was. "I am light, aren't I?" "Of course you are."I attempted to tan in order to turn the color I always thought I was but it never happened. I am still surprised by the tone of my skin when I see my reflection or a photograph because for so long I thought I was brown.But I am not brown.And sometimes I think maybe everything would be easier if I could use my light skin to pass for white. Deny my whole self to avoid the conflicts of race. But is it worth it or even possible? If I did turn white (it sounds so easy) I wouldn't have to deal with all of this shit that kills me more and more everyday: the man who rolls up his car window as he realizes I am waiting at the bus stop six feet from his car; the prospective employer who asks to see my green card and when I say I am a United States citizen, asks that I bring in my original birth certificate, social security card and picture i.d. before I can be hired, but never asks this of any of the other employees; the white people who react uncomfortably when I tell them that I am half Mexican; the jokes, anger, laws and derogatory comments and assumptions about me and other "wetbacks"; the constant threat of attack; the energy spent; the friends lost; and the hope devoured by disillusionment.But even if I played pretend about who I am, people would know. They would find out no matter how much I stifled myself and proclaimed, "But I am white! Honest!" I don't know if it is in my speech or eyes or nose or the shape of my face but if someone really wants to know, they will. So even if I ever really wanted to be white during a self-hating rage, I could never do so although at times, believe me, the longing is there.But then there's the part of me that hates being even half white and wishes I was born with full Mexican blood. I don't want to be white like my mothers family that hates my father and I because we're Mexican, or white like the politicians who veil their racism in prejudiced legislature, or white like the "friends" I've had who thought it was funny to tell racist jokes in front of me, or white like the legions of clueless selfish white people who can't see far enough past the suburbs to think about anything other than themselves, or white like any white person I see on any given day.I despise being mistaken for white and always correct the error, "I am Mexican and white." Because I am not white and never will be but I will always be part white no matter how much I try to avoid it.Beaner. Honkey. Wetback. Ghostface. Mojada. Gavacha. I am all of this.In middle school when asked, "What are you?" I would oversimplify by omitting the white side. "I am Mexican" or "I am Mexican," and in a muffled voice, "and white." All of my close friends were brown except one and I realized that my life did not parallel those of the white kids on any level. I wasn't like them although my skin was almost as light as theirs and our eyes were the same light brown. My upbringing had been Mexican-American as were my whole social and educational spheres of life. I was surrounded by brown so I was "Mexican ... and white."Other latinas and latinos ask me, "Are you Spanish or French or Italian or what?" And now I tell them the whole me and am met with curiosity, disdain, or an exuberant "Viva la raza!" My mestiza self has been rejected by a couple of latinos because of their hatred of whites but did they ever know of my immense hatred of white people as well?And I do apologize to you white girl, for hating you. But even though our skin is similar,owe will never be similar. Will I ever be able to fully trust you without thinking you see me as a wetback, beaner, or an overreacting bitch who who concentrates too much on race? I don't think I ever can. Because in my experiences with white people, they always justify my reservations by doing or saying or being something fucked up. Or maybe this is because I have know the world of being white for brief times in my life before it was found out that I wasn't really white. And that whole world scares the shit out of me. So, white girl, I will go on hating that white part of you that can't realize what it truly is to be white.Do you think it's easy or funny to hate half of what I am? Do you think it's how I want it to be? That I have been repeatedly dissed, betrayed, and hated by white people so much that i have turned against them? I have tried to fit into that world using my light skin as an invitation but have never felt safe. A mestiza can never live comfortably in either place; constantly stuck in between, that's my curse, my blessing, to see and operate between two distinct worlds. In a space where I am the only woman who is not white, I feel alienated, the whole time thinking, "Do they realize this? Why am I the only woman of color in the room?" And in a space where I am surrounded by chicanas y chicanos, I do feel comfortable but I am always observing how light I am and how obvious it is that I am half white in terms of skin, appearance, background and experience.Now this is how I live. I accept that I am not Mexican or white but a mixture of the two. I have existed between borders and definitions before, living and calling myself only one part of who I am. But I can't live honestly like that so I remind myself and you: I am mestiza. The blood of conquerers, conquered, and those who have conquered themselves rather than go insane. These all run through my body, never fully melting together, battling and clashing to create me.Mixed but never mixed up.I will never spend forever trying to reach the impossible goal of being either one or the other ever again. I know that I am both, that I am whole as I am, and that I can never forget what I am, so I will remind myself again:I am mestiza. Yo soy mestiza.This is dedicated to every mestiza who has dreaded the imminent question, "What are you?", and to every mestiza who still doesn't know how to answer, and to every one who does so in a proud and firm tone. (agosto 1997)- bIANCA oRTIZ
Here are some other of my favorite poems/ whatever:
You looked at me with those brown eyes
And made me love you through all your lies.
You broke my heart in seconds flat,
Never thought you'd hurt me like that.
I cried too hard for far too long,
Thought you missed me too but I was wrong.
You moved on so fast and found "The One",
Took me forever to accept that we were done.
The only girl you learned to love,
Decided you weren’t worthy of
All the love she had to give
And all your lies she wont forgive.
She looked at you and said "Goodbye",
I never thought I'd see you cry.
But as she turned and walked away,
And you knew things were not ok.
You lost the one you cared about,
She was gone there was no doubt.
You cheated but, she cheated too,
So I guess this time the games on you.
And as a tear fell from you eye
Maybe you’ll learn not to lie.
I’m not over you and never will I be,
I hope one day that you will see...
Don’t want you back...but I do want you to know,
The one who really loved you...you let her go
<*!*>pimpette of the year,playette of the season,ur man leftu & im the reason<*!*>
*~There is no -I- in S-L-U-T but there is a -U-~*
¤RoSeS aRe ReD, vIoLeTs ArE bLu*
¤Im In LoVe BuT nOt WiTh U*
¤wHeN wE bRoKe Up U tHoUgHt I cRiEd*
¤BuT iT wAs AlL fOr AnOtHeR gUy*
¤U tOlD yOuR fRiEnDs I wAs A tRiCk*
¤I tOlD mInE yOu HaD a WeAk DiCk*
¤I sAiD i LoVeD yOu*
¤U bElIvEd It WaS tRu*
¤WeLl GuEsS wHaT bAbE,*
¤tHa GaMeS oN yOu!*
****iF dErEz LiPsTiK oN yO mAnZ CoLLa****
***u CaN bEt yO LaSt DoLLa***
**dAt i MaDe HiM***
*HOLLA*
I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your ass
Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says i love you
You believe its true
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says 'to hell with you'
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months in pain
3 days in the hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never wouldn't have happened
If the rubber wouldn't have torn
POEM # 4
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.
POEM # 6
Sex is bad
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.
POEM # 7
Holy mother, full of grace
Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face
Bless his hair that tends to curl
Keep him safe from all the girls
Bless his arms that are so strong
Keep his hands where they belong
Bless his dick, the one I sucked
Bless the bed, in which we fucked
And if my Mom happened to walk in
Bless the shit I'd be in.
Part of me wants to believe him, the rest of me knows its a lie,
So when he says "I love you" it makes me want to cry,
I wish I didn't love him, I have no real reason to,
I can't help it even though I don't want to admit its true,
People say, "Get over him, you can do better than that,"
But I don’t wanna do better, that boy’z all I got
Sometimes I sit and wonder why he hurts me,
But he does hate me, so I try to leave him be,
I hope that someday he'll notice I'm there,
And he too will see that we make the perfect pair.
You'll never know how much I miss you... you wont see it in my face... You'll never know that I'll never find another guy that could take your place... Cuz I'll be smiling when I see you... No, my tears won't ever show... I might always love you... But you're never gonna know.
-If you cant amaze people with your intelligence... confuse them with your bullshit!
For all you people that talk about me... thank you for making ME the center of your attention!
-Written with a pen, sealed with a kiss, if you love me, tell me this… do you love me or do you not? You told me once, but I forgot… so tell me now, and tell me true, so I can tell you I love you. Of all the guys ive ever met, youre the one I wont forget, and if I die before you do, ill go to heaven and wait for
you, if youre not there by judgement day, ill know you went the other way, ill give the angels back their wings, and risk the loss of everything, just to prove my love is true, id go to hell to be with you!
°ñever say i love you
îf you dont really care
ñever talk bout feelings
ïf they arent really there
ñever hold my hand
îf you are going to break my heart
ñever say are going to
ïf you dont plan to start
ñever look into my eyes
îf all you do is lie
ñever say hello
ïf you really mean goodbye
îf you really mean forever
+hen say that you will try
ñever say forever
¢ause forever makes me cry°
.· ´")) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´"))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ -:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*
*One day you will love me as I loved you...One day you will cry over me as I cried over you...One day you will want me...BUT I WON’T WANT YOU*
*we may fight, and we may cry, but our friendship will never die, I'll care for you til the end, becuz yer my bestest friend*
*A girl can kiss a guy, A bird can kiss a butterfly, the rising sun can kiss the grass, But you my friend can kiss my @$$!*
¤Im A Bitch,I Got Class,Mess Wit Me I'll Kick Your Ass, And For All You Hoes Who Think Your Cool,Just Remember Us Bitches Rule!¤
You thought you had him,
you may think he'z yourz,
haha thats funny cuz he dont go with whores
I got these from a site called forwardgarden.com. i hope you enjoy my new site!!!! LaTeRz
REST IN PEACE GABRIELLE LAWRENCE, WE WILL ALWAYS MISS AND LOVE YOU. YOU ARE FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS. IN PEACE YOU REST, CRY BB.
MAY 15, 1988- MAY 27, 2001 "CON TU ADIOS TE LLEVAS MI CORAZON,"
- SELENA "COMO LA FLOR" WE'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER AND LOVE YOU, IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY "LIL' SISTER".
55 KUMBIA KINGS 55
BIANCA'S FIRME PAGE
FORWARD GARDEN, TIGHT SITE
LOW RIDER ARTE
THE REAL HOMIES
Send E-Mail to: chicanita55@latinabarbie.com
Copyright © 2001 alisita. All Rights Reserved