 |
|
|
ONE OF THE BEST COMEBACKS&INSULTS SITES
THIS WEBSITE IS A SITE OF COMEBACKS,INSULTS,SARCASIM,AND
SOMETIMES MISSPELLED WORDS.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
Just leave me the heck alone.
You look like a million bucks! (All green and wrinkled.)
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
Hey, I might not be the cutest guy here, but I am the only one talking to you.
I never forget a face...but in your case I'll make an exception!
100,000 sperm to choose from, and you were the fastest.
I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet.
Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date.
Seen on T-Shirts:
I was born at night but not last night.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame it on you!
My answer is right it is your question that is wrong.
You could describe that annoying person as:
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
A few peas short of a casserole.
A room temperature IQ.
All foam, no beer.
As smart as bait.
Body by Fisher-Price, Brains by Mattel.
Bright as Alaska in December.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
Donated his body to science before he was done using it.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Fell out of the family tree.
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic to hold it all together.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
He's so dense, light bends around him.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
If he had another brain it would be lonely.
If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead.
~~~~~
One day this guy and I were having our usual battle of wits (not very hard ,but a bit challenging.)
He said, "You're just a couple of ants away from being a picnic."
I came back with, "And you're just a couple of grapes away from being a complete fruit!"
· How about never? Is never good for you?
· You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
· I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
· public.
· I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
· Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again
· I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
· I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
· You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
· I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
· I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
· I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
· It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
· I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
· What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
· Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
· I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
· His teeth are brighter than he is.
· No, my powers can only be used for good.
· We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
· The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
· I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
· Who me? I just wander from room to room.
· I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony
trial - it went like this:
Attorney: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
Officer: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the
description of the offender running several blocks away.
D.A.: Officer, who provided this description?
Officer: The officer who responded to the scene.
D.A.: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender.
Do you trust your fellow officers?
Officer: Yes sir, with my life.
D.A.: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a
locker room in the police station - a room where you change your
clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
Officer: Yes sir, we do.
D.A.: And do you have a locker in that room?
Officer: Yes sir, I do.
D.A.: And do you have a lock on your locker?
Officer: Yes sir.
D.A.: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your
life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share
with those same officers?
Officer: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and
sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white
male, resident of Dracula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on
Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public
indecency and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse
on Monday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he
decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside and
there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there
wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road,
picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a
hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with
evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to
notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of
his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor.
"I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at this
pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Lawrence.
"I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?'
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there and then looked me straight in the face and said:
"A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"
If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.
If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.
I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.
People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of.
Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
When you get to the men’s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.
The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.
You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.
All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?
I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin.
No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.
There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.
Sit down and give your mind a rest.
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so.
Man alive! But I wish you weren't.
I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.
You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.
We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass.
I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.
There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.
All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.
I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being.
You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.
It's your life -- but I wish you'd let us have it.
Hey, act your age -- senile!
I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.
In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him."
We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.
We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.
Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!!
We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven".
You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure.
I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth.
You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it!
A dope you are and dope will remain.
Completely unlike cocaine.
You add to, not diminish, pain!
We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?
Your family tree is good, but you are the sap.
We all spring from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.
It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up.
Lets play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.
I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly.
I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.
Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious!
You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick.
You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.
All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you.
Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.
I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.
They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. It's for people who are dead from the neck up.
After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us.
You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.
I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it!
For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours.
You are the only person I've ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time!
You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!
I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.
I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!
You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.
You started at the bottom -- and it's be
virtualpets@www.neopets.com
cheatcodes@www.cheatcodes,com
jokes@www.ahajokes.com
find people&comanies by adress
free horoscpes@www.swoon.com
Send E-Mail to: www.comebacks&insults.com
Copyright © 2003 . All Rights Reserved