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Last updated 5/25/00
Blonde Jokes
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
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Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
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Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
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Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
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Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
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Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
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Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
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Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
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Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
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Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
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Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
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Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
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Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm
blonde, yea yea yea..."
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Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
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Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
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Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
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Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
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Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
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Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
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Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
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Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
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Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
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Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
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Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
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Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
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Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
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Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
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Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
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Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
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Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
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Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
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Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.
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Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
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Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
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Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!
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Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
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Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!
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Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
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Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray
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Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.
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Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
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Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
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Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
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Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
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Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
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Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
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Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
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Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
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Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.
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Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
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Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
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Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
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Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air
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Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
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Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
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Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
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Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
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Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!
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Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
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Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
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Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
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Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
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Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!
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Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
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Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
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Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
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Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
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Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
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Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
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Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
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Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
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Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
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Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
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Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
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Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
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Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
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Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
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Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
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Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door
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