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mentalhealth-poetry by jodie strickland
my name is jodie i am 27 i have been writing poetry to try and discribe what i go through this may help yourself or your family to understand a bit better i suffer with post tramatic stress syndrome,major deppresion with sever adgitation and pannic disorder you can e mail me at jstrickland@cybernetinternet.com
GRIEF
YOUR MIND IS ALL A SCATTER,
YOUR BODY CONTINUALLY SHAKES.
THE FEELINGINS THAT YOU FEEL,
MAKE YOUR HEART REALLY ACHE.
YOU HAVE BLOCKED OUT TO MUCH,
NOW YOU’RE TUMMBLING DOWN.
MIND AND BODY ARE LOOSING IT,
YOU’RE BURRIED IN A MOUND.
BUT ONE THING YOU MUST REMEMBBER,
THE PERSON THAT HAS PASSED.
HAS LEFT YOU WITH SOME KIND OF KNOLLAGE,
THAT THROUGH OUT YOUR LIFE WILL LAST.
THAT PERSON THERE IS GUIDING YOU,
JUST TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.
AS EACH AND EVERYDAY PASSES,
REMEMBER SOMETHING SPECIAL BECAUSE (THAT IS MINE).
MEMORYS ARE THE BIGGEST THING,
OF SPEACIAL, FUNNY, SAD OR EVEN AND AVERAGE DAY.
THESE YOU CAN HOLD ON TO ETERNALY,
FOR EACH AND EVERY DAY.
WHERE DO I BELONG (PHYC SERVICES)
OUR MINDS ARE ALL LIKE FILES,
SCATTERED THROUGH THE AIR.
WE CAME TO A BRICK WALL,
TO FIND THAT NO ONE CARES.
BUT TODAY YOU HAVE WALKED IN HEAR
WHERE HELP MAY BE AT BAY.
BUT NEVER TURN YOUR BACK,
OR EVER WALK AWAY.
THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE TO TALK TO,
TO FIND OUT WHAT IS WRONG.
YOU MAY BELIEVE IT ISNT SO,
BUT THIS IS WHERE YOU BELONG.
SOME THINGS WE CAN NOT COMPLETELY FIX,
BUT SO0ME OF OUR MINDS MAY CLEAR.
ONLY BY TALKING AND LISTENING,
AND ONLY BY BEING HERE.
SO PLEASE BE PATANT AND LISTEN,
TO WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY.
YOU CAN TAKE IN WHAT YOU WANT,
THEN LEAVE COME BACK ANOTHER DAY.
PANNIC
TODAY I FEEL 100 MILES,
EVERY THING IS AT BAY.
THEN FOR SOME UN BEKNOWN REASON,
MY STOMIC STARTS TO SWAY.
MY PALMS BECOME ALL SWEATY,
MY PULSE IS REALLY FAST.
MY BODY STARTS TO TREMMOR,
HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO LAST?
I PASS AROUND THE HOUSE SO FAST,
HOLING MY HEAD SO TIGHT.
MY BODY WON’T SLOW DOWN,
I FEEL LIKE IM IN FRIGHT.
I ROLL AROUND THE FLOOR.
NOT KNOWING WHATS GOING ON.
MY BREATHING BEGINS TO SLOW,
I KNOW IT WONT BE LONG.
I LAY THERE AND ROLL OVER,
LOOK AT THE ROOF AND BE GLAD.
THAT THE FEELINGS HAVE FINNALY PASSED,
BUT NOW IM REALLY SAD.
SAD BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHY,
WHY MY BODY CHANGES SO FAST.
BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT,
AND BREATH THROUGH UNTILL THEY PASS.
I NEVER WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE,
I KNOW NOT WHEN THEY ARRIVE.
BUT WHEN THEY DO COME,
IVE LEARNT HOW TO SUTVIVE.
STRESS
STRESS CAN BE ALL DIFFERENT THINGS,
FOR ME IT IS MY KIDS.
SOME TIMES THEY WILL NOT LISTEN,
OR THERE NAUGHTY OR WHAT THEY DID.
SOME TIMES I RUN AROUND YELLING AND SCREAMING,
AS I HAVE NO CONTROL WHEN IT COMES.
I GET MY SELF IN SUCH A MESS,
BUT I SPOSE THIS IS JUST BEING A MUM.
AS I HAVE A LOT OF CHILDREN,
I TRY TO DO MY BEST.
BUT WHY DO THEY PUSH THERE LIMITS,
WHY CANT THEY GIVE ME A REST.
BUT THIS IS WHAT KIDS ARE ALL ABOUT,
THEY GROW BY THERE MISTAKES.
WE ARE HEAR TO GUIDE THEM,
NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.
SO I TAKE BIG BREATHS,
AND IN THE TOILET I SIT.
THERE IT IS PEACEFULL FOR FIVE MINUITS,
THEN COME OUT NOT AT MY END WITTS.
SO FIND THAT PLACE SO QUIET,
TO SIT FOR FIVE AND OVER COME.
BEACAUSE KIDS WILL BE KIDS,
AND IT’S ALL ABOUT BEING A MUM.
THINGS I DON’T WANT TO SEE
SOME TIMES WE SEE THE THINGS,
THAT WE DON’T LIKE TO SEE.
THE WORSED PART OF ALL OF THAT,
IS ITS LEFT BEHIND YOUR EYES TO BE?
WE CAN PICTURE ALL THE THINGS WE SAW
SOME TIMES THEY PREY ON US AT NIGHT.
SOME TIMES THEY FLICK JUST THROUGH OUR MINDS,
AND GIVE US A TERRABLE FRIGHT.
I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS,
AS I AM STILL GOING THROUGH.
BUT I KNOW THE SADDEN THINGS IVE SEEN,
THERE ARE PARTS NICER BEFORE I KNEW.
I TRY TO HIDE THE VISIONS
WITH THE PASSED GOODNESS THAT IVE SEEEN.
IT ALL DOES CONFUSE ME,
BUT I HAVE FRIENDS ON WICH I LEAN.
SOME DO UNDERSTAND ME,
SOME DON’T NOT AT ALL
BUT AT LEAST I GET IT OFF MY CHEST,
SO I CAN NOT BADLEY FALL.
FOR IF I LET THE VISIONS INFECT ME,
MY LIFE WOULD BE A MESS.
SO I LET OUT WHAT I FEEL,
AND TALK ABOUT THE BEST.
THE HOLE
I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT THE HOLE,
DEPPRESION IS SO BAD.
SOME TIMES WE DON’T GET OUT OF BED,
WHAT FOR EVERYTHING MAKES ME SAD?
SOME TIMES WE CLOSE OUR BLINDS,
AND STAY AT HOME INSTEAD.
WE NEVER ANSWER OUR PHONES,
JUST SNUGGLE IN OUR BEDS.
OUR MIND AND BODY DON’T LET US MOVE,
BUT IN OUR HEARTS WERE SAD.
BUT THIS HOLE IM NOW OUT OF,
AND ILL TELL YOU HOW AND YOULL BE GLAD.
YOU WONT FEEL LIKE DOING ANY THING,
OR PROBLEY WON’T LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY.
BUT BELIEVE ME IF YOU DO,
SLOWLY YOU'LL CHANGE DAY BY DAY.
I HAVE THIS CLUMP OF DIRT,
IN THE FRONT YARD THAT I SIGHT.
IT LOOKS SO DULL AND SADDEN,
I WILL MAKE THIS DULLNESS BRIGHT.
I GO OUT THERE JUST FOR TODAY,
AND TURN THE SOIL OVER.
PULL OUT ALL THE WEEDS,
NOW THE DAY IS OVER.
NEXT MORNING I OPEN MY CURTIANS,
AND I CAN SEE SOME LIGHT.
BUT THAT DIRT PATCH NEEDS A LITTLE SOMETHING,
SOMETHING TO MAKE IT BRIGHT.
TODAY ILL GET SOME FLOWERS,
OF WHICH I GET TO CHOOSE.
AS LONG AS THERE BRIGHT AND HAPPY,
MY DIRT PATCH CAN NOT LOOSE.
I PUT THE FLOWERS INTO THE GARDEN,
IT’S NEARLY THE END OF DAY.
I WATER THEM AND GO INSIDE,
AND WAIT TILL THE NEXT DAY.
I OPEN UP MY CURTIANS,
THE SUN I SEE IS A BLINDING LIGHT.
BUT BE HOLD MY DIRT PATCH!!!
IT LOOKS LOVELY AND BRIGHT.
A TINY PART INSIDE MYSELF,
FEELS NO LONGER HURT.
JUST TO SEE WHAT IVE OCCOMPLISHED,
FROM STARTING WITH SADDEN DIRT.
SO NOW I THINK OF TOMMOROW,
ONLY ONE THING AT A TIME.
SLOWLY I KNOW I CAN CHANGEW THINGS,
AND ALL THE DAYS BECOME MINE.
(IF YOU READ INSIDE THIS PEOM THE DIRT PATCH WAS JUST AS DEPPRESSED
BUT NOW IT IS BLOOMING BEAUTIFULLY I KNOW YOU CAN DO ALL THE REST)
IM SO FUNNY
OUR WORLD IS FULL OF MIXED UP MINDS,
SOME WE CAN NOT FIX.
PHYC SERVICE CAME ALONG
AND GIVE US A MEDI MIX.
HALF THE SHIT THEY GIVE US
MAKES US EVEN WORSE
THEY NEVER SEEM TO LISTEN
SOME END UP IN A HURSE
THEY HAVE NO I DEAR AT ALL
ABOUT THE WAY WE REALLY FEEL
THEY READ THERE LITTLE BOOKS
THEN GO HOME FOR THERE FAMILY MEAL
WELL WERE SITTING HERE IN HUNGER
TO DEPPRESSED TO GET OUT OF BED
THEY TELL US TO GET UP AND GET SOME FOOD
ARE THEY REALLY THAT FUCKED IN THE HEAD
WE CAN NOT MOVE OUR SOLES ARE SAD
FOR THIS WE DON’T KNOW WHY
WE DO TRY TO LISTEN
BUT WE CAN ONLY EVER CRY
THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND
ARE THE ONES WHO ALLREADY HAVE BEEN
NOW THEVE FIXED THERE LIVES
WITH OUT PHYC SERVICE SEEN
SO MABY TRY SOME OTHER THINGS
INSTEAD OF ALL THER PILLS
I BET THEY WOULDN’T TAKE ALL THIS SHIT
BECAUSE THEY KNOW THERE BRAIN IT KILLS.
I CAN FIX MYSELF
MY FILES HAVE ALL STOPED FLYING
FOR THIS I THINK WAS THE PILLS
MY BRAIN SEEMS TO BE STEADY
AS I TAKE AWAY EACH MILL
THEY THINK I HAVE A TUMOR
OR EPALEPSY THEY FOUND
BUT I KNOW MY BRAIN
AND IT’S THE PILLS I NOW THROUGH TO THE GROUND
AS IVE TAKEN SOME OF MY PILLS AWAY
I AM FINDING FILES CLOSEING
I NEED TO RE ASURE YOU
THAT THESE FILES ARE NOW DOZING.
THEY CAN STAY ASLEEPIN MY BRAIN
AS THAT IS WHAT I WANT THEM TO DO
BECAUSE WHEN THEY ARE ALL OUT I HAVE TO TURN TO YOU
I CAN NOW SEE THINGS
WITH OUT A CLOUDY SIGHT
MY ANGER HAS CALMED DOWN
AND LORRINE I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT.
SO PLEASE AGREE WITH ME
AS I THINK THIS IS REALLY WORKING
BECAUSE I HAVE POST TRAMATIC STRESS SYNDROME
WICH TOOK YOU 6 MONTHS OF LURKING
BUT IN MY BRAIN
I KNEW WHAT WAS WRONG
BUT FOR YOU IT TOOK A WHILE
TO FIND WHERE I BELONG
BUT I HAVENT DONE IT JUST ALL BY MYSELF
MY LIFE IS GETTING ON TRACK
PLEASE JUST HELP ME GET OFF THE PILLS
OR ILL HAVE TO GIVE YOU THE SACK
BUT I THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR THE THINGS THAT YOU HAVE DONE
BUT IVE FIXED MY OWN MIND NOW
AND A JOB VERY WELL DONE
BUT I WOULDN’T HAVE EVER BEEN ABLE TO DO IT
IF I NEVER TURNED TO YOU
SO I THANK MYSELF AS WELL
AND I HAVE A VERY BIG THANKYOU TO YOU.
SUISIDE
I NOW KNOW THAT I CAN NOT FIX MYSELF
MY MIND IS A TOTAL MESS
I WISH I COULD EASYLY FIX IT
JUST LIKE AS EASY AS PICKING A DRESS.
EVERYDAY THERES SOMETHING NEW
SOMETHING TO MAKE ME MAD
WHY DO I LET THESE THINGS GET ME
OR WHY DO THEY MAKE ME SAD
WHY CANT I STAY OUT OF ALL THIS SHIT
EVEN FAMILY STUFF
I KNOW I DID THE RIGHT THING
BUT MY MIND HAS HAD ENOUGH
MY ANGER COMES FROM IN MY STOMIC
FOR THE DAY IT SEEMS TO BUILD
I PLEAD WITH GOD TO TAKE IT AWAY
BUT THE ANGER THERE IS SEALED
SO WHAT DO I DO NOW
I HAVE NO I DEAR AT ALL
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST NECK MYSELF
THEN I WOULDN’T FEEL THIS ANGER BALL.
BUT THAT WOULDN’T GET ME ANY WHERE
IT WOULD GET ME NO WHERE AT ALL
IMAGINE HOW MY FAMILY WOULD FEEL
THEN THEY WOULD HAVE THIS ANGER BALL.
THEN THAT’S WHEN THE CIRCLE STARTS
EACH PERSON KNOCKEN THEM SELVESS OFF
BECAUSE WE CAN’T LIVE WITH THE PAIN OF LIFE
BECAUSE SOME ONE STARTED THE CIRCLE OFF.
I CANT FIX MY SELF
I CANT FIX MYSELF
NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY
I TOOK AWAY SOME MORE OF MY PILLS
AND MY LIFE DID NEVER FLY
THE ONLY FLY I FOUND IN ME
WAS STRAIT DOWN A HILL
THE THOUGHTS ARE BACK AGAIN
MAYBE THERE UNRESOLVED STILL
OR MAYBE I HAVE FIXED
BUT THERE, THIER AS PART OF MY LIFE
I DIDN’T LOOK ON THESE THOUGHTS AS BAD
BUT THEY WERE SOMETHING ENOUGH FOR A FRIGHT
A FRIGHT TO THINK IM BACK TO SQUARE ONE AGAIN
AND TO START BACK ON MY PILLS
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OF ALL THIS
MY MIND IS REALLY STILL
IM NOT USE TO MY MIND BEING STILL
AS THOUGHTS DO ALWAYS RUN
BUT WHEN THE THOUGHT ARE OF THE PAST
I WONDER WHAT IVE DONE
SO OK THEN IM NOT READY
TO TAKE ALL THIS MEDICATION AWAY
BUT IM HOPEING WITH SOME MORE PEOPLE TO TALK TO
THAT SOON ILL be OK.
ALL POETRY IS COPY WRITE AND BELONGS TO MYSELF NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO PUBLISH ANY OF MY POEMS
Send E-Mail to: jstrickland099@yahoo.com.au
Copyright © 2001 jodie strickland. All Rights Reserved