Journals 13 and 14

Friday, October 30, 1998

I deeply regret that I did not take the time to write directly after my last hospital stay. Anyway, I will try to recall how it went now. Everything went fairly smoothly, and I was really able to eat more than in previous times. Sure, there were still the hours when I felt awful, and could not keep anything down. There were the times when I was a pain to my mother, and snapped at her. She was good to take that from me without complaint. :-) I do not know if I could have! Well, now it is time to write about the most exciting news of late. Treatment is done! My last treatment was yesterday ~ the second day of my two days in the clinic for chemotherapy. It was not as exciting a day as I had expected, I admit, but it will go down in history, literally! It will go down in history for other people because of John Glenn, and it will go down in my personal history as the day I defeated the enemy in this long war. The treatment went alright, although I did have those very sick moments when it was just awful. Sometimes I get so sick, and there is nothing to throw up, and I choke a bit. Sometimes it was uncertain to me during those times whether I would make it, or choke to death. I did have two scares during the treatment. One of my doctors came to see me the first day, just as my mother had stepped out. She was happy to see me, for we had not met for six months practically! I was happy to see her, until she told me her news. She said that there had been recent studies into more effective ways of treating my cancer, and it was thought that I might benefit by receiving more chemotherapy. Another year of steroids and chemo pills to be exact. I did not know what to say. I felt like bursting into tears and screaming, “It’s not fair!”, but instead I posted a grin on my face and made a joke about being hungry again from the steroids. Well, later she came in and said that she was sorry, and she made a mistake. This new study only affected children who did not receive spinal taps regularly. I had them continuously during treatment. I know it was a mistake, but it was still quite upsetting to me. The other excitement that I had during this last treatment was my reaction. During treatment, I developed a rather flushed cheek, and nobody was able to figure it out. I was given a huge dose of IV Benadryl, which really knocked me out, but fixed the problem. My leaving the clinic that last day was no big event. The only person who said goodbye was the nurse that was taking care of me. That made me a bit sad, and glad at the same time. I do not know why, but a feeling of sadness came over me when I thought of the end of treatment. I think it is that I will miss all the kind people at the hospital, and their caring and concern. However, I am very glad to be done with chemo, and it is time to get on with a “normal” life. I know things will never be completely the same again, though.




Wednesday, November 18, 1998

There have been a few happenings in the time since I last wrote which I wish to record so that they are not forgotten. First, I had a platelet transfusion last Tuesday, as my platelets were dangerously low due to the last treatment. I apparently received a rather huge bag of platelets as all the nurses were commenting on it. I had a bit of a reaction to the transfusion, itchy nose and throat, and they decided to load me up with 50mg of Benadryl. I could not walk in a straight line for the rest of the day. :-) The next happening was on Friday. I went to have labs to make certain that the platelets were going up. After the blood draw, on the drive home, I realized that blood was running down my arm, and soaking my coat. In a panic, assuming that my platelets had gone down, we rushed to the emergency room. They were able to stop the bleeding quickly, and said that my platelets were fine. The hospital doctor said that the person who drew the blood must have hit the vein at the wrong angle, and torn it, making it bleed more. Right now my red blood count is low, and I suffer awful headaches sometimes. I do not want to complain like everyone else though, so do not say anything. :-)

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