May II
19th May
Sorry for the long hiatus in updates, caused by the resumption of my deathly boring routine of going to school, sitting in a dazed confusion of foreign accents, occasionally broken by being dragged to class as a distraction for the kids who ain’t no good at English. This is my favourite school, mainly because the teachers I work with aren’t crap and actually can hold order in class most of the time, and speak English/make worksheets without dreadful and rage inducing mistakes. More often than not I’ve been pulled up for a spelling mistake than the other way around.
Not much to report. The only member of staff who is younger than me got married recently at, you’ll never guess where, Tokyo Disneyland (spewing noises in the background). I had to suppress hilarity and reassure him that his wife is cute as he force-fed me his wedding snaps. Absolutely inspired.
There’s also been a worrying increase in the number of Sekuhara (sexual harassment) incidents committed against me, exclusively by other boys, a trend that I’d sooner stamp out now than later. One rather rotund and squeaky voiced boy in the final year keeps following me up the stairs with his hands clasped in a gun shape and proceeding to try and stick them up my ass (a hilarious action known as “kancho”). Through vague gestures I demonstrated the directions in which his blood would spurt should I resultantly go for his throat with a blunt blade.
It’s rice paddy season now, and on my rather long 25 minute cycle to this school I’m treated to a breathtakingly flat landscape of square fields with row after row of newly hand planted crops. On still days its not unlike cycling through a huge lake, with landscape reflected perfectly on the ground. We’re beginning to enter summer, so its not all good news. I’m starting to get insect bites again, and the first typhoon of summer is arriving, harbinger of the rainy season. Cycling to school in torrential rains, now there’s something to look forward to!
24th May
Team Teaching: sometimes it’s the little things that hurt.
I’ve complained a lot about my job, but don’t even begin to think that I’ve worn that thread out yet. So, I’ve told you how boring it can be at times, how I hate cycling to work during typhoons, how some of my team-teachers lack English speaking ability (and indeed for that matter, basic social skills), how I don’t get the same holidays as the pupils…the list goes on. Now allow me to let you into a new frustration of mine, and one that is festering and beginning to give off a mighty putrid smell.
I have a good team-teacher at this school, or at least good in the sense that she doesn’t take any crap from noisy students and can speak English. Partly this is down to her dominating personality and determination, absent in many Japanese women. However, it does also mean that she couches her criticisms of my lesson plans in rather less than sympathetic terms. We seem to have hit a snag, a bit of an ideological difference in the way we think English should be taught. I think the students need to learn English in all its forms and permutations. My team-teacher would seem to think that English is a language learned only for examinations.
Basically, this teacher insists on American English. She also insists that students only need to learn the vocabulary that will be tested in examinations, even if some non-tested vocabulary would in fact be very useful to know. Mainly however, it’s the American English thing that annoys me. The attitude in Japan seems to be that any other form of English is somewhat lesser, superfluous to requirements…but let’s set the record straight, who invented the language? Indeed, there are some who would claim that Northern Irish English is the purest form of English within Britain, given that a form of semi-Shakespearean is still spoken among Northern Ireland’s 1.5 million inbred inhabitants.
Now I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I’m here to bash Americans, because I’m not. This is a flaw in the educational policy. It just happens that I think in terms of British English, that’s what comes out of my mouth, that’s what flows through my fingers onto my plans. I’m getting tired of having to backtrack; being made to re-type my lessons a dozen times, being corrected embarrassingly in class. You’d be amazed which British words offend; “football/soccer; maths/math; lorry/truck; pavement/sidewalk; aeroplane/airplane; computer game/video game; motorway/highway; petrol/gas; school children/students; primary school/elementary school; rubber/ eraser; bin/trash can; ground floor/first floor……….and that’s before the contentious issue of spelling.
Even calmly suggesting that it might be beneficial to learn “Commonwealth English” was met with a quick rebuttal. I simply stated “if the students (god help us all) should ever want to go to Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, India, South Africa, the UK, Ireland, then wouldn’t it be good to learn vocabulary other than that needed for the USA?”. And her answer, as you have already guessed “They only need to learn American English for the exam, so it’s too troublesome to learn British English”. End of conversation. When this confrontation occurs several times a day, with my natural way of speaking and the vocabulary I’ve always used being dumped in favour of a foreign tongue, it starts to grate. So if you’ll just excuse me, I’m gonna make like that sorry salaryman in Urawa last night, and throw myself infront of the Koganei express.
27th May
I’ve got time, gallons of it today, so I’ll make the last journal of the month.
My bike had been acting up recently; turns out the chain was missing half a link, and it kept just falling off at the most inopportune moments, such as when I was making a daring dart across a busy motorway, only to find my forward momentum cut off in an instant as a 10 tonne truck bared down on my frail body. Cycling home from the supermarket it fell off a total 3 times, and in my exasperated attempts to repair it, I got nasty stinking oil all over my good jeans, which I’m not so happy about. Stranded on a dark street, I took the decision that it was best to thoroughly destroy this heap of trash than have the Board of Ed brush it aside as a minor problem. I took to physically lifting the bike over my head and throwing it violently across a gravel filled car-park, much to the disgust of passing cars (PTA board members I’m sure). To cut a long story short, Yamaguchi arrived this morning to give me a lift to school, and amazed by the state of the bike, to which I replied “I’ve no idea how THAT happened”. New bike coming my way soon I hope!
So, as I say, no classes today, it’s the school Undokai (Sports Day: Dress Rehearsal) - yeah, no classes, but my supervisor was still much more concerned to get me to school on time that to let me go out and buy a new bike!. Well, the Sports Day has been going on for about 2 hours, and so far I’ve seen nothing except group skipping, mass aerobics, tug of war, relay races and band practice. I swear, this must be at the core of what they mean when they say Japan is a group oriented, not an individual society. Actually, hang on a minute, all the classes are standing in groups with flags and colours... Its clearly all about fostering that group mentality...training for the corporation (or the army) I believe. That's pretty much the most culturally legitimate thing I've written the whole time I've been in Japan! This is freaky; take for example this group aerobics thingy - this IS the scene from Battle Royale, where Beat Takeshi stands on a plinth doing star jumps to jovial classical music blaring out of loudspeakers. A very, very strange country that I’m in. PS to anyone thinking of visiting this summer (2 people in particular), the temperature has just jumped a hurdle, and the humidity is also increasing. Good luck surviving!
28th May
Yet despite what I said about it being he last entry of the month…
…I decided that I’d like to impart some recently acquired knowledge for the benefit of my webjournal community:
DISHONESTY PAYS. Never let any of those do-gooders try and fool you into thinking that by being all honest and clean and all that things will go your way. Pay no attention to the notion of Karma. If there’s one thing I’ve learned time and time again during my stay here, if you want things to go your own way, just LIE. I’m not just talking about nervous little lies that you’ve convinced yourself won’t come off before you’ve even begun. You’ve got to tell big, fat, confident lies, enough even to convince yourself that you’re telling the truth, and things will begin to fall naturally into the palm of your hand.
Why, just the other day, I beat upon my bicycle so badly that it was literally falling apart. And then I lied about how it got like that. And now I have a brand new, sleek silver machine, with smooth gears, a big basket, and a front light that senses when it’s dark and turns itself on automatically. No more turning the light-switch on manually for Andrew, no Siree! And what do I have to thank for this, that’s right, being economical with the truth. The rest of the AETs are still cycling around on rusty little boneshakers like chumps, whilst I’m cruisin’ on past with my shades on and my seat low, like James Dean on a Granny bike.
Can’t complain about the BoE for once…heck, I’ve managed to fleece them out of a brand new DVD-Video combi, a brand new bicycle, warm winter bedclothes and a kotatsu set (the latter after I’d chucked away the old set and pretended I’d never had one). Lying pays, and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
 BIBLIOGRAPHY |
| UPDATES |
| ABOUT THE AUTHOR |
| JAPAN PHOTOS |
| JAPAN LINKS |
Send E-Mail to: hudson_in_japan@hotmail.comCopyright © 2005 . All Rights Reserved