JANUARY 2004
International Man of Mystery
The journey home was long and difficult, with its fair share of mini dramas. I decided to mitch-off from the BoE on Friday - I wasn’t due to be in school, and unless I have work to do, then why should I sit at a desk all day? Let’s not forget that I had tons of cleaning and packing to do. I guess I could’ve taken a days leave, but I’ve precious few of them left. Yeah, thought I’d been really clever, that none of those grey-haired buffoons would notice my absence, but them again, I wasn’t bestowed with the lions share of good-luck. I got a text at about 2pm from Taoe “someone from the BoE’s looking for you”; “don’t answer the phone and don’t open the door to anyone”. My heart pulsated violently and I hastily grabbed my stuff together and made a quick exit. My journey started 5 hours before I’d wanted it to! I felt like a fugitive on the run - I panic more than most people, but I certainly wasn’t going to own up and turn myself into the BoE. I decided the best way to diffuse the situation was to “escape from JA” (Japan Airspace). I just hope Yamaguchi isn’t waiting for me with a dagger when I return to Narita! I also hope I don’t get sacked this early for flagrant disrespect of my contract!
The decision not to book a hotel and stay in Narita overnight may not have been the wisest, but I’m glad I did it, just for the experience. You can’t just stay overnight at Narita - you have to report to the airport police, and are placed under constant supervision in a small room until 6am. My passport was checked no less than 6 times! Furthermore, the foreigners were separated from the Japanese and not allowed to wander around. I felt like an internee at camp X-ray! I stayed awake all night, hoping to beat JET lag, and I must say that my hair-brained idea paid dividends as for once I managed to sleep well on a long-haul flight. The foreigners who were staying were characters. There was a big black American computer programmer for the American forces down at Hiroshima. He regaled me with tales of his hatred of the local Japanese who constantly denied him entry into local bars and hotels by forming an X with their arms. He drank the whole night, and started staring down the Japanese police and badmouthing them in English for being midgets who wouldn’t survive a day in Harlem. I had serious doubts about his leaving the country the next morning at that point! Luckily, he turned his attention to a young, beautiful, leggy Korean student returning to Korea for Christmas. She wore the most ill-advised outfit; small tartan school-girl skirt, fishnet-tights and high heels. Moreover, she seemed to bend-over and check something in her suitcase more often than was advisable considering the sleep-deprived, tipsy state of my American friend! Here’s a picture of her checking her e-mails.
Thank God I got to sleep between Tokyo and Seoul. There was a weird midget German guy, with a bald head and ginger straggly moustache who muttered to himself in Hunnish and had the stare of a madman. The flight from Seoul to Heathrow was much more relaxed. Incredibly, I was seated beside an Irish couple from Tipperary (is there anywhere that the Irish don’t get?) who had been “on the beers” in Sydney for the last year. Korean Airlines aren’t the most high-tech airline, and anyone who expects in-flight movies should not book with them! I was terrified at several stages; I’ve never experienced such strong turbulence on a flight in my life, and given that the school staff looked disapprovingly at my decision to fly Korean, I began to doubt the pilot‘s reassurances. I wouldn’t say I was displeased though, as a bevy of beautiful Korean stewardesses attended my every whim and desire. Kim Jong-Il is a lucky man! More of the same on the way back. Think I’ll definitely bring sleeping pills the next time. I’m not taking any chances!
January 7th
The first official update of the new year! I’m back at my favourite school, though unfortunately (fortunately?) the children have forgotten my name (it has been four months), and one of the more “humorous” teachers has already asked me “Who are you?”. I was actually looking forward to starting this morning, which may have more to do with a shocking lack of sleep (Dermot O’Leary eat your heart out) and Jetlag than anything else!
The journey was eventful and not all-together unpleasant. After arriving at Heathrow I met up with Aidan and Dan for a pint at the Old Shakespearean Alehouse. By Aidan’s own admission, he has a shockingly good repository of knowledge on the pubs within Heathrow. The pub had however changed its name, and one pint turned into four! It was great to see them after six months, and I think we all agreed that life had generally taken a downward turn/ become more boring since leaving University. A slow plan is germinating for several of my mates from Uni to lodge with me over the summer in Japan, which would certainly break up the monotony of the B.o.E. My tolerance for alcohol has all but disappeared since I went to Japan, and it is a small miracle that I managed to check my bag in and find my way to my gate without getting lost or forgetting something. I must say I was heartened by how much esteem other people (especially old friends) seem to hold my year in Japan. Though I know the reality of the so-called “exoticness” of Japan, it has encouraged me to take a more optimistic view of my situation (at least for the moment).
The flight to Seoul proved more interesting than expected. My Arena magazine 52-Page supplement “Tokyo Sex-Warning” unfortunately didn’t live up to expectations, but I was sitting beside two ladies, one who lives in Omiya, who had just visited Paris and London. I shocked myself with how much Japanese I could recall (though the success isn’t entirely mine- one of the women spoke good English). Altogether I was very lucky to bump into them, as I’d never have made it home without their help last night! I relied entirely upon their navigation of Narita airport and the Tokyo train system, and finally arrived home a little after midnight on Wednesday morning (having left my home at midday Monday!). So ladies if you’re reading, thank-you very much! I guess I should start thinking about doing those lesson plans now, later!
Snowboarding – Mount Naeba, Niigata Prefecture
Kyoko rang me up just after I arrived back to ask if I wanted to go snowboarding. She was meant to be going with two colleagues, but they’d dropped out at the last minute. I’ve never done any semi-dangerous/ new age/ whatever you want to call it – activity before (except that bungee rocket), so I jumped at the chance. Niigata is a bit of a trek west and north, though I wouldn’t have said it was colder in any way. Shiraoka is on the east coast, and most of the precipitation in Japan falls over the western mountains, leaving no snow for the rest of us. We arrived in a small blizzard, which meant nothing to me, but apparently isn’t the best conditions for snowboarding in.
Before we even began snowboarding, I couldn’t help but notice the amazing Japanese propensity for telling each other what the weather conditions are like, as if nobody had noticed!! “Samui desu ne” (Cold, isn’t it?) – I must’ve heard the expression hundreds of times over the course of the day. I mean, they came to a ski resort, where it’s cold, where it snows…WHAT DO THEY EXPECT!!!! They did the same in school during the long hot summer months “atsui desu ne” which begs the question “Why don’t you turn on the ******* air conditioning?
I took to the pistes fearlessly; where many a novice is too scared to stand up or move, I went hurtling down the slope at frightening speeds, only to narrowly avoid crippling spinal injuries, killing small children, and crashing into the assembled crowds at the bottom. I could go down all right, it was just trying to stop that was the problem, so I took to voluntarily throwing myself at the snow in a last gasp effort to avoid fatal accidents. After a stint in the novices’ pen, and the easy slopes, I graduated to the medium slopes, but still think it was probably a bridge too far. After one too many head first tumbles during which I managed to acquire snow up my shirt, under my gloves and down my collar, it was time to call it a day. My embarrassment was only compounded by how much better Kyoko is at snowboarding than me! Here’s a photo after the debacle – exhausted, painful, freezing but eager to try again.
Otherwise, I’m feeling much happier than I expected at the moment. I’ve been listening to digital radio a lot – I can tune into Chris Moyles Breakfast Show when I get home from work, and read the Guardian Online – almost like I never left! Amazing how much difference a British voice, some normal music and some relevant news can make to your daily life!
14th January
Two weeks down at my favourite school, which means only two weeks left. If my position was like that of any normal JET, I’d get to stay at the same school for a year, and actually enjoy myself, establish friendships and maybe even care about the kids. Unfortunately, the way things are here, the Board of Ed have essentially turned the foreigners into mercenary teachers, or as the saying goes “salaryman teachers”. I have a lingering emotional attachment to this, the school that I started at, but otherwise I tend to count down the hours from the moment I get to school, and make sure that I don’t do a minute’s more overtime than is absolutely necessary. The only people to blame for this are the bureaucrats at the Town Office, the same guys who deny us a love for the job by incarcerating us for no reason during the summer. Not only is it the foreigners who complain about the situation. Even my team teacher here has brought it up in meetings only to be told “We’ll look into it…..”. As Mrs Takahashi points out, if an AET was stationed at one school rather than four, they could attend the school during the summer, have banter with the staff that they know and like, take part in team sports with the kids, and generally promote “internationalisation” (the job we were ostensibly hired for). That would be too clever for the monkeys at the town office.
I love working here I think. I like the kids and the teachers. I’m even beginning to feel that I’m making a small difference, as the children are noticing that my Japanese is catching up with their English and I can help them understand their problems in class bilingually. Nevertheless, it’s a temporary thing, and my bliss shall be short lived.
The big question now is whether or not to re-contract. The re-contracting deadline is the 6th February. I have a feeling that my decision will be tempered more by prevarication and delay over what I should be doing after this job, and by the small but significant economic benefits of remaining here, rather than by a love for what I’m doing. I do not however, wish to wallow in a mire of inertia and indecision. Assuming I do stay, my second year will be my final year, without a doubt in my mind, in this job. Expect more whinging along these lines in the week or so to follow, but for now, ato de.
17th January
I just wanted to share this with everyone;
1.) Which do you like better, bed or futon?
“I like bed. Because it is super erotic style. Futon is delicate. You are erotic. So you like bed, don’t you? Shall we go to bed together with me next Sunday?”
Teenage boys, or the “Erotic boys” from third year, as I termed them four months ago. A scary proposition indeed!
So, re-contracting is looming. Josh and Taoe’s contract runs out, so they definitely won’t be here next year. Jeff is almost certainly not going to stay. He told me that he nearly didn’t come back because he was enjoying his winter hols in the Philippines so much. When he did get back, he had food poisoning or something, and had to take time off work. Yamaguchi forced Jeff to use up more of his precious holidays and didn’t allow him sick leave!! Ridiculous. Then, as a final insult, Yamaguchi didn’t extend the same privileges regarding Jeff’s journey home for a friends wedding in Canada during March, as he had the rest of us travelling home for Christmas. Jeff is usually a very calm human being, and I’d never seen him so aggravated as he was when I spoke to him the other night. So, unless I’m mistaken, that leaves only the two Northern Irishmen in the town.
Back to me, Lord knows it’s been two paragraphs already! Ricky and I are desperately trying to quit our Eikiwa. We value our free time more than spare cash, and working a 6-day week ain’t healthy. It’s not an easy thing to shift though, especially as “I need more free time” just isn’t an excuse that enters into the Japanese system of logic! The look of the old women when we suggested it was along the lines of “You mean your job isn’t your life? Your colleagues not your family? Your boss not your patriarch? You foreigners truly are strange!”. So, it appears were stuck with it ‘till we can find a victim to pass it onto.
Btw, an interesting wee link that my mate Phil has sent me. If you hate “Townies” in England, “Steeks” in Northern Ireland, or “Neds” in Scotland, you’ll enjoy this!
19th January. How much fun can one man have on a tropical island?
There’s this great institution in Japan, to allow anyone to fly anywhere within Japan on their birthday for £50 each way, so I thought I’d be a fool to miss it. I only wish I’d started planning it a bit sooner. In a bit of a rush job, I booked a holiday to Okinawa, the tropical island at the southern tip of Japan where Karate Kid 2 was set (filmed on Hawaii though, probably because of telephone wires). The other great part of the deal is that you can bring 4 other people for the same price. Josh expressed a firm interest (though how much this was to escape from the smoky school is a matter of debate). The problem is, the flight was full, so rather than a lads getaway for a few days, I’ll be on my own with only myself to rely on when it comes to communicating.
I’m partly worried that it might be a very lonely and confusing experience – but part of me sees it as a real challenge to see just how far I can get on the Japanese I’ve learned so far. I won’t be able to rely on anyone else, and though my Japanese is terrible, through a mixture of gestures and vague threats I can usually get what I want. Plus, if I can figure it out, I might be able to do a bit o
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