January 05
13th
Well, it has been a long time. Over a month I believe. Sad news recently put my malcontent ramblings into perspective, but I’m back. Trying to get work experience now with a view to employment, but everything from the Royal Mail losing critically important application forms, to towel heads in London kidnapping my suit trousers, are impacting on my hard work. A breakaway group headed by the nefarious international terrorist al-Mouhameed el-Benedict Zarqawi Cockbain and co-cospirator "Suicidal" Ahmed Elliot has declared war on Western garments and is threatening unmentionable crimes against pantaloons unless I pay the princely sum of 15 pounds sterling.
Now fearing the cut, I have resolved to say nothing more against my stupid crappy boring daytime hobby/job. The town ran out of money last year, and has promised to cut one ALT job, and looks poised to clamp down on any kind of infringement. Whilst I’d like nothing more than to move onto fresh pastures, I have to consider how my CV would look, financial matters and future job prospects. I feel eyes watching me all day long, adding yet more stress to my beleaguered person. So for now its heads down, eyes forward and shut up. I’m counting down the days. Josh, if you’re reading, all is understood.
To stay my mind from threatening insanity, I’ve resolved to make the most of my remaining time out East, and spend the bulk of each day plotting to bring SARS and bird-flu back from some stinking gully in Saigon. Six months ago, my outstanding contract seemed frighteningly lengthy; now it’ll be a race to achieve everything I have left to do on my list. One must is a trip to Hokkaido, which I’ve already booked under the familiar “£50 birthday flight deal” (now unfortunately more like £63.50 birthday flight each way deal, less of a ring to it). My birthday by good fortune, coincides with the “World Famous” (perhaps not, but certainly Japan famous) Snow Festival in Hokkaido, where huge ostentatious carved ice statues line the streets of Sapporo from 11-13th February. The “ice”ing (hahaha) on the cake if you will was getting flights at about a third of the going rate. Furthermore, if luck serves me and I can get flights out of Japan during Golden Week for less than a King’s ransom, I might take a grand tour of IndoChina. So, hopefully still a lot to look forward to in the near future, and some opportunity for more boring photo updates before too long.
24th
I felt incensed enough to update in anger, something I know I shouldn’t do, but it’s therapy I need and this is my only outlet. The most irritating thing about people over here has to be the way they eat. I suppose it’s only an instinctual reaction, after years of being scolded at the dinner table for not saying grace, eating without a knife, eating with my hands, not asking to leave the table etc, that I should feel this way. The British have a highly refined formalised eating manner that is not mirrored in other, less cultured barbarian societies such as Japan (Hyperbole alert).
I’m not quite sure what it is about slurping that gets so intensely on my nerves, but there you have it. Otherwise quiet and mild mannered people turn into the biggest boors over here when they’re eating. Any liquid, be it a cup of tea or a bowl of noodles elicits the most unnecessary bout of SHUCK, SLURP, SCHOOP (* add onomatopoeia to hearts content) with gusto. I have be known, on occasion, realising we have noodles for lunch, to take it and hide in the farthest most inaccessible corner of the school, so that I don’t vomit violently on listening to the combined force of 10 slurpers slurping. The most frequent excuse for this pig-like behaviour is that the food/tea is piping hot, and requires a deep intake of breath whilst consuming to cool it down, leading to the disgusting but “necessary” noise. Furthermore, it is claimed that eating noodles with chopsticks is facilitated by sucking like a vacuum.
This of course is a big fat lie pedalled by lying liars. The guy sitting next to me, as I live and breathe, is slurping cold fruit salad with a spoon. Yes, COLD fruit salad with a SPOON! Is it a traditional Japanese food? No. Is it piping hot? No. Does it consist of noodles? No. Is he a complete and utter creton? YES! It takes effort to emit such offensive noise from a desert, yet omit it he does. Is he compelled to be revolting? Is there an unwritten law stating that people must endeavour to cause offence through eating? Logic says he is not doing this on purpose to annoy me, yet spasms in my hands are causing me to form clenched fists, and I fantasise about putting my knee through his face. Anyway, so I was bored and decided to type Japanese + slurping + food into google (yeah, shut up), and got this hilarious article. Apparently, young Japanese are rebelling against the older generation by eating their noodles more quietly!! If ever there was a statement on the Japanese character! “Rebelling + quietly”, is that not what we called an Oxymoron in English Class? A contradiction in terms? Something like that anyway. Next time, an exposition on why it’s rude to blow your nose, and much better to walk around sniffing, grunting and snorting.
31st
Gonna have to get myself down to this ditch...it's just round the corner from my house!
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