September 2004
September 2nd
Well, incredibly, back at school…2 days in and as if I’d never left. The apartment has almost recovered from the strain of hosting 3 western bodies…all that remains now is removing the plastic and glass bottles, the cans…the day of garbage disposal for these items being only once a fortnight…needless to say, we forgot about it! Summer break this year was immeasurably better than last year. I felt a bit strained trying to fit my workplace, the conferences, spending time with my western and Japanese friends etc into my schedule at times, but the biggest blessing was never having a dull moment. I didn’t get out of the country but, as they say, a change is as good as a break. I was wondering if I could handle the boredom of the staffroom again…I am though, back at my favourite school, and with the schedule now for a 2 month rotation, I’ll be able to become a little more settled than last year.
The other positive side-effect of their visit was learning about how everyone from Uni has moved on in the time that I’ve been here, and it’s given me a stiff kick-up-the backside regarding the urgency of thinking about my future. If I can start getting my act together, maybe I’ll escape from Japan with career prospects still intact! Not that I’m expecting anyone else to empathise with this wandering diatribe…
…So where did I leave off. Ah, yes, Ben and Aidan left for Western Japan. Very lucky indeed, as only four days after the event Hiroshima and Kyushu were ravaged by a powerful typhoon that’s now claimed the lives of 12. In the meantime I had my volunteer day at the Conference which was ok. By ok, I mean that I survived without being booed off stage, which was the best I could’ve hoped for! Unfortunately I had chosen a purple nylon shirt for the day, and had huge fear-sweat stains under my pits from about 10 mins after the first workshop started. Coincidentally, this was also the week that my British deodorant ran out. Japanese deodorants are so weak that I smelt like onions in no time…just when I didn’t need to be feeling self conscious! Friday before the boys returned was another heavy night at the party to welcome the new AETs. It was billed as an evening “to thank you for missing the summer” which I believe must be a reference to the illogical waste of time that sitting in the BoE represents. This being said, we still had to pay for it…not much of a gift. I set the room on fire with a karaoke rendition of a Japanese song (I could remember the sounds, just not the meaning) which surprised and pleased all’n sundry. I thought it might earn me a few brownie points for the office; I just hadn’t counted on how wasted the salarymen were, and despite the exuberance on Friday was greeted with pure silence on Monday. Gits!
So finally, to the gym yesterday. After so much conspicuous consumption I had feared the worst. I wasn’t prepared for 65.7kg, get in!! A new lifetime best? The only possible explanation is drastic loss of muscle mass. Frighteningly though, my blood pressure was off the scale, so I didn’t escape completely unscathed. On the subject of weight, I found two articles recently that I thought I might link to the site; On Japanese Women: On British Women. Let it be understood that I in no way, ahem, endorse the views of the former :). Together they represent quite a good case for why I should stay in Japan on a long-term basis (what with me being physically outgunned by Miss Average UK and all that)! Well, I’m gonna quit while I’m ahead, this has already dragged on far too long…
9th September
Do me a favour, will you Karen?
School is unusually quiet…except for the deafening loop of Carpenters songs spinning round and round my head…some kind of primitive surgery involving the application of scissors and brute force to release the demons within my skull is becoming enticing.
Classes have been less inventive of late…merely an attempt to occupy the students and entertain them rather than teach anything. Singing the Carpenters has become standard fare in every class. I’m at a loss to explain how this group ever made it; they make ABBA or the Bay City Rollers seem like Shakespeare (really, I should know). The banal lyrics of “Sing, sing a song…” (if you don’t know them, thank your “rucky” stars) have prevented me from sleeping for the past 2 nights (well, that and the typhoon). I tried to over-ride it with “Dancing Queen”, but to no avail, the simplicity of the Carpenters was clearly their most powerful weapon… So, if she hadn’t already starved herself to death…
One of my least favourite teachers (at another school), with breath so sulphuric it would skin you in seconds, used to play rather unique songs in class. I used to hate them (Elton John: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road; Chicago; Boys II Men), they were a conglomeration of all the songs that he supposedly honed in Karaoke joints in Kabukicho. The kids hated them too, couldn’t understand the complicated lyrics or tunes, didn’t dare try to sing them. All I want to do now though, is bow down and worship the man who chose such ludicrously difficult songs for “Engrish” class that they were taken off the playlist before they became ingrained!
The reason for no classes (4 for the entire week!) is every bit as demented as my current mental state. Can you believe that virtually all classes have been scrapped to practice for the Undokai (Sports Festival - click for pics)? In Britain of course, it’s only the sporty kids competing for medals that practice for Sports Day, in their own free time after class. Here though, sheesh, as I explained before, it’s all about the homogeny of the group, building human pyramids, tug of war, mass aerobics, synchronised baton demonstrations, running with big logs, etc etc. This requires countless hours of practice, which in turn requires that all academic pursuits be postponed for the time being (and even longer if the weather doesn’t hold up). All the other teachers are as bored as me, but for the sake of class pride, are helping the children from their own “home room” (form base) to design banners and flags for the big day. With nothing to do except watch the spectacle, said Carpenters have taken over.
On the other hand, I wonder if I shoudn’t criticise it overly. It’s certainly a breath of fresh air from the more commonly held Western “every man for himself” individualism and competition. Rather than it being all about who’s the stongest/ fastest, team races are decided by the slowest/ weakest in the team, and it’s therefore the duty of the rest of the team to encourage or help out the runt. I hope we’ve all learned a valuable lesson here today.
15th September Prevaricate and delay…you’re sorted.
Sometimes I amaze myself with how easily I’m coasting through life. Yesterday for example, I got a phonecall from Yamaguchi whilst at work. I thought he’d caught wind of the moment earlier in the day when Aono-sensei conjured 3 extra lessons which hadn’t previously been there, into my schedule for the day, as the bell was ringing for the 1st period. I wasn’t a happy bunny, and told her how little I appreciated surprise last second classes to her face. What’s wrong with me…complaining when I have no work, complaining when there’s too much work. Do I crave consistency, or am I just in the wrong line of employment?
Anyways, as it happened, I rather shamelessly took advantage of Yamaguchi’s phone call to get out of one of said classes to attend a meeting. Arriving at the meeting, I discovered that he wished not to scold me, but appoint me judge of the Washinomiya Speech Contest. To what extent this is a vote of confidence, and to what extent a power play I’ll let you be the judge. Anyways, the Speech Contest was great. There was me, being introduced like some kind of B-list Royal at a Charity function, the “special guest” if you will. I had a pen in my hand and a score sheet, and was god-like benevolently pushing some children into bright futures, whilst at the same time smiting others into obscurity. The power rush was wonderful.
I had all the backstage privileges of a huge free lunch, curtseying tea ladies bringing me drinks on demand, and all manner of principles, superintendents and assorted bigwigs bowing at me. If nothing else, the sociology of the whole kafuffle was fascinating. Unexpectedly, I believe it was the superintendent, slipped me Y10000 (£50) as “thankyou” money, completing my day, and reaffirming my belief that the less you do, the further you progress. Let me explain: if I’d gone to the Sports Festival on Saturday, I would’ve had Wednesday off in lieu. I was however, too selfish to forgo my routine, and as a result had to attend work. Whilst being paid for a usual days work by the BoE, I was summoned to a Speech Contest, awarded £50 and treated like a dignitary for a day….what more evidence do you need? I love Japan!!
18th September
A short update I hope. I just wanted to link my cousin’s site, which is very slick and worth a perusal if you’re in any way interested in Denmark, rock music, or in need for stimulating social commentary.
Is this further evidence of the brain drain from Northern Ireland, the “flight of the Earls” if you will, owing to the shocking state of our native society? When I look around at my close friends and family from back home, almost every one to a man seems to be living abroad at the moment, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence! There’s my old friend Patrick now in Dublin, my cousin Michael in Denmark and of course myself in Japan. Moreover, my good friends Johnny and Phil, as well as my cousin Lauren, are all happily living in Glasgow for the foreseeable future. This could be the most damning indictment on NI, that our young people now think the city that spawned Trainspotting and a million drug-related murders is a healthier environment in which to reside than Belfast! Then there’s my wee cousin Karen, presumably destined for a life abroad, having done charity work in Mexico and AIDS ridden Zimbabwe of late. Whilst I want to believe that she’s an angel doing these things from the kindness of her heart, I think we’re beginning to ascertain the real reason; “anything to get out of that dive”. If NI was ever hoping that a new generation of educated, articulate and progressive people were going to lead her in a new direction, they may well find those hopes dashed!
27th September
Well, not much to report these days, but it does seem about high time for an update. Bizarrely, everyone in Japan seemed to switch from summer-wear to autumn-wear overnight, like some collective of frightening robots with a fashion chip in their CPUs. There has been no perceptible change in the weather (well, perhaps the end of continuously sweat-inducing humidity), but it certainly ‘aint cold. In this weather, the good people of Belfast would be bathing topless in Botanic gardens, not walking round with a woolly hat muttering “samui!”. The most noticeable change for myself of course, is that the girls are no longer wearing miniskirts and open-toed high-heels, but are now tottering around in thigh-high black leather boots (still with the miniskirts though…heaven). I have an awful suspicion the 23rd September (Autumnal equinox day) was the signal for the change; subservience to an abstract concept rather than real need to dress up.
Today was billed as the grand “Andrew does Karaoke in front of an entire school day”, and if truth be told, I was even looking forward to it in a sick way. Alexis and I had been chosen to perform “A whole new world” as Aladdin and Princess Jasmine with the brass band at Seiga Junior High. Things started to go awry when Alexis notified me the night before that we were only required to sing 7 lines apiece as part of a medley. Of course, we still hadn’t done a rehearsal by this stage. The next day the weather started bucketing out of the heavens. I persuaded the school that I wasn’t going to cycle across town 40 minutes to sing 7-lines of Disney. Duly, someone arrived to pick me up and transport me from one school to the next. So, sweating by the sidelines, Alexis and I mulled over our 7 whole lines, not wanting to make a mistake. We approached the stage amid great fanfare, but guess what, the mikes were broken. Not embarrassing at all. Funny how well organised things are over here. Then I found out I had a puncture. Definitely a day to forget.
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