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19 year old Nick Carter walked down the streets of New York.
The November rain was pouring down.
The wind was cold and piercing
He was soaking wet, and his hair was all messy because of the rain and wind.
He looked like a drowned rat.
But he did'nt care.
Nothing mattered anymore.
If you looked closely you could see his tears of pain, sorrow and lonliness mix with the rain on his face.
He walked by a bunch of 14-15 year old girls, who were standing under an umbrella talking and laughing.
It as the first time in year he had bene able to go by female teens without having to sign autographs or take pictures.
Ever since the Backstreet Boys had conkered the world they had been mobbed by fans everywhere they went.
He did'nt mind that the girls did'nt recognise him, cause he just wanted to be alone and that no one would see him in the state he was.
He was afraid, but he knew that he had to do what he was about to do to end his and the people that he loved's missery.
He knew that he was just a pain in the ass, the childish one, the one who always whined about everything, the one who always was in the way.
He knew that he always was in the way when the Backstreet Boys were recording an album, or was on a business meeting.
He knew that he was the one who always screwed up the dance routine on the shows and forgot his lines.
Just by the thought of how much the rest of the band must have hated to have him in it made his heart ache like someone had ripped it out and stepped on it.
He's knees got weak and he had to sitt down on a bench.
Suddenly memories started to come back.
------- FLASHBACK-------

· Hey Bone!!!!- Nick squilled happily at his band mate and friend 21 year old AJ McLean as he entred the recording studio.
The Backstreet Boys was in the studio recording a song for their album "Millennium".
Nick looked around and there was only AJ, a cupple of tecnicians and himself there-
· Where's the others?- Nick asked.
· Somewhere not bugging me- AJ mumbeled under his breath.
· What did you say?- Nick asked not hearing what AJ was mumbeling.
· I don't know- AJ said.
AJ started recording his parts of the song again.
The song was very vocaly challenging and AJ seemed to be totally out of beat.
· FUCK!!!!!!!, I'm never gona get this right- AJ suddenly screamed, and ripped his head phones off.
· Oh, angry boy- Nick teased.
· Shut up- AJ snapped.
· Gezz, I thought it was only chick's who got moody when their hormones was racing- Nick joked.
· Get out!!!!, or I'll slap yer face!!!!- AJ threatened lifting his right hand in the air ready to slap Nick.
· I'm leaving- Nick said and went into the waitingroom.
And 20 seconds later AJ had the same anger outburst
· AJ, you have to slow down, you're way ahead of the beat, if you don't slow down you'll be stuck in here till next century- Nick said and laughed at his "century" joke.
· You little brat, can't you do anything else, that bugging me and the rest of the fellas and beeing in our way ALL the time, and giving us stupid advise, get List Nick , nobody wants you!!!!- AJ yelled.
Nick's heart ached the moment AJ said that, cause when AJ was pissed he always said what he meant.
Nick ran out of the studio almost crying.

------- END OF FLASHBACK -------

Nick satt crying at the bench, he had several other exsample's like when one of his other band mates and bestfriend 24 year old Brian Litterell was really drunk and called Nick a baby who always whined and was in everybody else's way.
But the incidence that had made Nick decide to do what he was about to do, was a fight he had with his 12 year old brother Aaron.

------- FLASHBACK-------

· No Nick, I don't need a ride- 12 year old Aaron Carter said looking into the mirror, doing the final touches on his hair.
· Do you need me to pick you up, just say a time and I'll come and pick you up- Nick said.
· NO!, this is my first party with people my age and It's just a 5 min. walk, it's okay. Aaron said getting anoyed.
· Are you sure, cause it's no problem- Nick said.
· NO!, NO! NO!!!, can't you get a hint, I don't want to be driven, or picked up, and I don't want you to go check up on me eiter!!!- Aaron said angry.
· So you don't wanna be seen with me?- Nick asked hurt.
· No it's not that- Aaron said.
· Then why won't you let me drive you-
· Because this is my first party without any popstars, managers, record companies and cheesy reporters, and I don't wanna be seen as a geek who is driven by his overprotective superstar brother who don't dare let him walk 5 min. out after dark- Aaron yelled angry.
· I'm not overprotective- Nick protested.
· Yes you are!!!, and you are a God damn pain in the ass too, you always bug me and you never let me explore or expriment on my own, if I don't stop the madness right now you'll soon be picking out my girlfriend.
You act like you're my guard dog, well to put it this way I don't need and I don't want guard dog and if you had been a real dog, I would have put you to sleep a long time ago!!!!- Aaron screamed and left.

------- END OF FLASHBACK-------

That was two months ago.
To have his own brother , whom he loved more than life, telling you that if you were a dog, he would have put you to sleep a long time ago, was too much for Nick.
He slowly got up from the bench and walked through the rain, down to a big car park, where the Backstreet Boys' tour bus was parked for the day.
He knew that he would be alone on the bus that evening, cause the rest of the boys and Nick's family was first on shopping and then they would go out and eat and would'nt be back till around midnight.
The others had invited him with them, but he had said that he had plans with his girlfriend Alison.
That was a lie, they had broken up the previous night, but Nick, had'nt told anyone.
He had to be alone to do what needed to be done.
He drew one last breath of fresh air, before he went onto the bus.
He took a pen and some paper and started writting letters to the people he loved the most.
In the letter to the rest of the boys he left a tape, on which he had recoreded ha song he had written about how he felt and why he had to leave, he had recorded the song in a studio the week before, with a good friend os his, named Brad, who had played sax and piano.
The song was called "I Will Always Love You".
He place out the letters in places he knew that they would'nt be found until the next day.
He went back to his bunk and shut the curtain.
He took a bottle with pills from his pocket and looked at it.
" 2 Pill's a day, to cure heavy pain, dose is DEADLY if prescription is not STRICKTLY" the writting on it said.
Nick's hands were shaking when he took the top off.
His hands were all wet and his heart was racing
He took one pill out of the box and slowly with shacking hands put it into his mouth.
His tears streamed down his cheeks as he swallowed it.
Then he took one more, and one more and one more till the hole box was empty.
The pain shot through his body and he had to struggle not to scream.
Nick and the rest of the Backstreet Boys had seen the movie "The Green Mile" two weeks before and now he felt like the prisoners at Cold Mountain prison especially the ones in the "E-sction", the ones who were waiting to go down the green mile to be fried in "Old Sparkely" (the electric chair).
And as the pain grew stronger and stronger, it felt like he walked further and further down the green mile.
Closer and closer to death.
Closer and closer to end all of his missery and pain.
Breathing became harder and harder, it felt like he had something in his throat blocking it.
His heart beat slower and slower and weaker and weaker and he knew that he was comming to the end of the green mile, the road to death.
Then the release came, he no longer felt any pain.
And as he drew his last breath and his heart beat one final time the memories of all the Nr. 1 albums and singels, the fans screaming with joy, award shows where The Backstreet Boys won half a dosin awards and the day when everyone he loved was standing around his hotel bed the day he blew out 18 candels on his birthday cake.
He regreted his actions and wanted to make them undone, and keep on living.
But it was to late…………

Howie opened one eye.
The sun was shining through the windows in the bus.
He pulled his left hand out from the covers down into his bag searching fore some jelly bears.
He suddenly felt a piece of paper between his fingers.
He took it up, turned on the light and looked at it.
It was and envelope with his, Brian, AJ and Kevin's name written on it with Nick's handwritting on it.
· Weird- Howie thought.
· Why in the world would Nick write us a letter- he wondered.
He opened the letter to read it when he heard Brian and Kevin talk, so he decided to lisen to what they were talking about.
· Did you check on Nick last night?- Brian asked.
· Yupp!, he slept like a baby- Kevin said.
They went on discussusing things that Howie really could'nt care to lisen to.
Howie unfolded the letter and started reading.
· Oh Lord, Nick no- he whispered half way through the letter.
Tears was streaming from his eyes when he had finished reading the letter, he was in shock.
· Howie, are awake?- Kevin shouted from his bunk.
· Yeah- Howie managed to get out.
· Can you wake Nick, please, he is so hard to wake and it's your turn to wake him- Brian asked.
· There is no point- Howie said, trying not to make it obvious that he was crying.
· Huh?- AJ said confused from his bunk.
· There is no point, I ain't gona manage to wake him up- Howie said.
· Then I'll do it- AJ said getting out of his bunk.
· No AJ, there is no point, you can't wake him either no one can-
· Howie, man!, this touring is driving you bananas- Kevin laughed.
· Howie what are you talking about?- Brian asked ignoring Kevin, Brian was worried that Howie was'nt just blabbering along not knowing what he said.
· I'm not gona be able to say the words, so I'll just read you this- Howie said no longer hidding his tears.

Dear AJ, Brian, Howie and Kevin.
I'm so sorry that I was such a pain in the ass, that I always bugged you, always was in the way and always whined about everything.
The tape contains a song, I have written and recorded, the words on the tape is exsacly how I feel now that I'm writting this.
I'm sorry that it had to end this way but it's for the best both for all of you and for me.
I will always love you,
Keep the Backstreet pride alive

Love always,
Nicky

· Suacide- was the only word that escaped form AJ mouth.
· NO NICK!!!!- Brian jumped out of bed and ran to Nick's bunk.
Only to find Nick cold pale and lifeless .
But he looked peacefull.
· Oh God, Frack, why did you leave me, I never thought that you bugged me or was in the way, you blessed my life with so much love- Brian cried out loudly.
Kevin slowly took up his cell phone and called an anbulance.
115 minuttes later they had said goodbye to Nick before he was taken to hospital to be obducted.

Brian sat by Nick's grave listening to the tape with Nick's song on.
He started the track again and the Nick's voice boomed into his ears.
If I should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way

And I will always love you
I will always love you

Only sweet memories
That's all I'm taking with me
So goodbye, please don't cry
We all know I'm not what you need

But I will always love you
I will always love you

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you dreamed of
And I wish you have joy and happiness
But above all this I wish you love.

'Cause I will always love you
I will always love you.
I will always love You…………………

Every morning for the past 6 months Brian had wished that, that day was his last so that he could be reunited with Nick on the other side of time.
Everyday had been filled with pain lonliness and his love for his bestfriend.
But as a beautiful sunrise started in the horizon Brian knew in his heart that the days he had ahead of him on earth would only be filled with his love for Nick and that he would be glad for everyday he lived, cause he knew that he would'nt be able to meet Nick again before his mission in life was done, he had live his life and it was his time to go.
He looked one last time at the grave before he left and whispered.
- I will always love you too, until I see you again in heavens-
Nickolas Gene Carter
28/1- 1980 -- 17/11- 1999
"May you be free in heaven and sing for the angels in heavens hall"
Rest In Peace