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Stan's Life...Day By Day
Welcome!!! My name is Stanley Carnathan and I am 19.. turning 20 in August. I have a job that I like... and a passion for life. Daily events change all the time.. but nothing can change my passion for life. Everyday I record what happens here... for you to read and comment on...so read on and find out how lucky you are to be you!
4/27/2005 - Today is my first entry, hopefully of many, that will record my daily events and things happening in my life. At any time, anyone can view this and comment on what they think. All opinions are welcome!!! I'll start tomorrow with the real thing!! See ya then!!
4/28/2005 1:28AM - I just got done the preliminary creation!! YEAH!!! Anyway, the 27th was a long day. I had to work and some of the people I work with are morons. You know the type that like to show off that they have no idea what they are talking about. Someday I hope they can hear themselves talking and how ridiculous they sound. Outside of work i have been trying to set up a surprise birthday dinner for my g/f but I don't know what type of success I will have. I asked her to request off from work for the day, May 21st, but she just gave me attitude. "I don't know if I will be able too" Why is it when I try to do cool stuff for other people, shit blows up in my face. WHY???? Ahhh. well tomorrow is another day.... See ya then.....!
4/28/05 11:14PM - Hey All! Well today was an interesting day without a doubt. I didn't have to work so I got to sleep in. I did some research on the computer about joining a gym, quite expensive if you ask me, and then picked up my g/f to spend the evening with me. Well... first off she slept for about 2 hours.... that was fun. Then she and I had dinner.. which I made.. teriaki chicken and pasta.. it was damn good. So I took her home at 8:45 and when she gets home she sends me a text message that says... "I think we need to take a break" I will spare you the details.. but in the end she needs time to see what else is out there. We've been together for 3 years and to set the scene for you I am 19 and she is 16, almost 17. Am I out of my mind or is that code word for I have someone else I am interested in? Is there any chance of that? You already read about me trying to surprise her on her birthday with dinner and a limo ride. Well, she wouldn't stop until I told her what the surprise was. I was so pissed that she wouldn't let me surprise her... I guess it makes no difference now.... Well.. I guess I can always see what tomorrow brings and hope that this bad luck streak that I am on stops soon. See ya then....!
4/30/05 11:15PM - Hello all! I know I didn't write yesterday but it has been a long 2 days.... My g/f of three years told me that we need to take a break. Needless to say I am devastated. It is such a long story that I do not know if it possible for to explain. She said that she wants to experience things on her own.... and "see what else is out there. After a lot of thinking and basically 2 sleepless nights I have come up with the fact that I have to let her do what she wants to do and if she comes back to me then she does and of she doesn't then I need to promise myself that I will never get burned again. I love her so much and am so worried that if I let her go she will not come back. I have some great friends that were giving me advice and I listened to all of it. Normally I would not even ask for it but this time I had to listen. They told me a lot of great things.. thanks Jenna, Chrissy, and Tori. In the end I had to search my own heart for what was real. I can not control her life and even though I do not know what she is trying to accomplish with this I have to let her go and accomplish it. If she really loves me then it will be alright and she will come back to me and not want to leave again. I just really hope that I am doing to right thing........ Thanks for visiting and see ya later!....
5/2/2005 2:48AM - Hey all! If you notice the time of day that I am entering this log, you notice that it is almost 3 o'clock in the morning. I have not had a lot of sleep in the last 3 days and I do not think I am going to get much in the upcoming days. My heart hurts so much that I can not think you do anything without thinking about Cindy (my g/f - ex now). Everywhere I look I see her and I think about her. On Sunday she called me and we talked for a little but but about nothing really, then she called me back and asked me to take her to the store. I said yes, but after I did I asked myself why? She wanted a break so she could do things on her own... then why isn't she doing this on her own? I went along with it and did not create a fuss but I do not understand. I just strengthens my confiction that she is thinking about or has already cheated on me. If she wants a break then why is she going to call me and ask me to take her to the store? Make sense to you....? It's just like a part of me is missing and I do not know how to refill it. I do not want to go out and mess around with someone else.. Thats just not my style... of course its not like there would be a lot of options. I'm not exactly a ladies man... I guess thats why I am so afraid of losing her... I'll just be by myself for the rest of my life. I know it sounds degrading to myself but thoughts are just those... thoughts! I need to find something to take up my time.. so at least I stay busy.... maybe I'll join the gym or something... yeah... that sounds like a good idea. I'll go join a gym... that way I can get my frustration out and maybe improve my image a little. Alright... well it seems like I am making progess so check back to see if I actually make it.... thanks!
5/4/2005 7:38PM - Hey all! Sorry about the absence. I have been busy and I am actually writing from work now. I have a question... why is ot when one bad thing happens more continue to follow. It seems that I can not concentrate on anything anymore. I tried changing the oil on my car yesterday and couldn't. I got so frustrated that I just threw a container of oil across the street. It is so depressing when you try to move on yet you can't. She called me last night and we talked a little bit but not about anything having to do with us. It's like she wants to ignore how much she hurt me. Why is that? I do not understand at all. I'm working a 13 hr shift today just so I am tired enough when I get home to fall alsleep. Ok.. well I have to go for now.. i'll be back later!
May 8 2005 - 10:08PM - WOW>>>> I have not been here in a couple of days. SORRY!!! A lot has changed so where will I start. Well first you will be glad to know that I have moved on. Cindy is nothing but a memory until she decides that what she has done is wrong and comes crawling back... not that I'll have her then because God knows who she will have slept with or what drugs she will have taken. So in the spririt of moving on... we can turn this into.. HOW IS STAN'S LOVE LIFE GOING TODAY? I will update you on who I am talking with and how it looks for a relationship. Now.. I must say what I am about to tell you is top secret. This whole moving on thing.. I saw it coming. So for the past 12 days I have been applying to all the web based dating services and anything else I could come across. I guess we will find out how they work. Ok.. so here's the inside tip... Right now I am emailing back and forth a girl from.. well I guess I better not say yet... but her name is Kristin.... and well she hasn't told me a lot about herself yet but I'm hoping that is just a down to earth person who can go with the flow. If so.. then i think we can get along. You guys know I work at a burger joint right? Well I do.. and the one thing she told me is that she doesn't eat red meat. While I was shocked and confused.. I thought I can support that as long as she doesn't expect me to stop eating red meat.. cause then we would have problems. Stay tuned for updates...
I have a bone to pick. I bought a self-install kit for DSL from Verizon. Well it is anything but self-install. The damn thing will not connect to the network server or what ever and will not work. So now I have this damn modem that doesn't work and all they can tell me is that they are testing the line. What the hell? Phone companies suck.
Well.. I think thats about it right now? Hey. make sure you sign the guestbook so I know who's here and when. Thanks
May 10 2005- 6:58PM - Hey all! I do not have much to write. Everything is the same and has been for the last 3 days. I have moved on... no one seems to care.. and life moves on after that. There is one thing that seems to be bothering me though. There is a perception that I am supposed to be this nice guy to Cindy now. I'm supposed to answer the phone when she calls and talk to her like nothing ever happened.. and if I do not then I am some horrible asshole who doesn't deserve another person in my life. Why is that? It doesn't seem right or fair.. anyway... we'll see what happens and if anyone has a suggestion please let me know. Thanxs
May 14 2005 - 12:31AM - How is everyone doing? I have not written for 3 days and to tell you the truth nothing has changed. Kristen is not returning my emails anymore... Cindy seems to be finding new friends underneath rocks... and I am stuck here alone... everytime someone talks to me it's like they are mocking me and telling me that I have no chanec at all to find another person that I even wouldl like to hang out with. Ohhh well.. what are you going to do.. life goes on.. not like I can go jump off a bridge or anything right.....? Nah.. that would be letting her win... I'll wait for her.. I saw the second to final episode of ER where John Carter told his love that he was going to move to Africe so they could be together. WOW... so I guess I can wait for whatever it is she wants me to wait for and if I get a chanec to move on I will take it... Ok good enough.. see ya later!
5/18/05 - 2:20AM - Hey!! How are you doing? Again I have not written for a while but nothing has really changed. I found out the Kristen was just really busy with school... which is almost over. Somehow Cindy has convinced me to take her out to dinner for her birthday?? How did I get into that one? Anyway.. I guess if I really love her then I can be a good friend and forget the rest. Work is going good and everything else is just normal. Hit me up if there is something going on in your life!! Thanxs
5/21/2005 - 12:14AM - Hey all! I'm back!! The last couple of days have been pretty good. I went to the Phillies game on Thursday and got sun burn really bad.. but it was worth it.. I had great tickets. I got a chance to talk to a couple more girls who are interested in talking to me... we will see. Work is going good although I am searching for a second part time job. Again.. we will see what happens. Email me sometime and let me know who's reading this...ok? ok well see ya later..
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