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The first thing I suggest to anyone who wants to get started is get some information. The basics. Like, "What is BDSM"? "What is a fetish"? "How do I use this stuff"? There are a number of places you can go to get that information, like... well... Here for example. But there are also chats, web groups, books, community Munches, conventions, even professionals in the field. Some notable web-site references (since you are online right now anyway) are Alt.com (Fantastic service and some truly knowledgable people) Bondage.com (Again, a rowdy bunch, but good information) A new one to my list is Collarme.com (Great folks and Oooo they have video games *even though asteroids doesn't work right*)
There are some fantastic books out there now. My top picks are "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns" Truly a classic for our age. Philip Miller and Molly Devon make BDSM fun and safe. God broke the mould on these two and their quirky senses of humor seem to tame the more obvious dark side of the lifestyle. "SM101 A realistic journey" Jay Wiseman takes a more direct analytical approach, but the information is invaluable to anyone who wants to play the game. "Different Loving" by Gloria Brames, Will Brames and Jon Jacobs was simply revolutionary. The list goes on, but I suggest these be in anyone's library who wishes to join in on the fun. The last I checked, all of them could be purchased on Amazon.com and none were too expensive.
Again, if all else fails, contact me and if I don't have the specific information for you, I will try and find it. Or rather, PIMA will try and find it *grins*.
So let's assume that you have the basics. You know what BDSM means and what the differences between fetish and simply sexy are. And yes my loves, there is a difference. My question to you is, who are you? By that I mean, what will your station here be? Are you a submissive or a Top? Are you a Dominant or a bottom? Are you a sadist? (Yes, you can say that word here, it's ok and you are among friends) Are you a masochist? Are you a switch? A roleplayer? A spicer? What do you "WANT" to be?
Here is the basic question I ask all submissives who apply for my collar and Dominants that are just getting started. Imagine you are in Rome circa 32 B.C.E. You are attending a party. Now, what role do you wish to play? Are you the lusty slave girl/boy, serving wine and gratifying the needs of those whom demand it of you? If so, you most likely lean towards the submissives/bottoms and slaves of our list. Are you the victorious Gladiator/Gladiatrix? Holding command and sway over the slaves in the room, but still subserviant to the roman citizens. Willing to force your will on those in a lower station, but serving the will of those who hold command over you? If so, you probably fit into the switch catagory. These folks enjoy a little taste of everything on the menu. Today they are a submissive to someone they trust, tomorrow they are a Dominant to someone who trusts them. Are you the Roman senator or his wife. Holding sway over the entire room? Barking commands and reprimanding flaws or disobedience? If you are, then you most likely fit into the Dominant/Top/Master/Mistress group. Me? Oh I'm Cesaer, because I said so. That's why.
Ok, you have chosen a role, for the sake of time, I am going to assume you have chosen submissive. You have decided that you have that burning urge and need to serve someone other than yourself. Well, now what? How do you find a lover that fits the bill or convince your current lover that this is the path you wish to follow?
This part is very important my loves, so pay EXTREMELY close attention to the details here. You are stepping into a lifestyle that has some honest to GOD, true monsters hiding in the shadows. Serial killers/serial rapists/ pedophiles all kinds of whackos hide in our dungeons. No one walks around with a name tag that says "Hi, I'm Bob and I'm using the BDSM lifestyle to cover the fact that I am actually a serial rapists who wishes to graduate to serial killer by the end of the week." If that were the case, the Dominants of the community would have these people for lunch. Can you imagine the devastating ass kicking these freaks of nature would recieve by people who know how to use these toys to bring pleasure? What would happen if they turned them against these slugs to bring true harm? These pukes would be crawling up the police station stairs "BEGGING" to be arrested and saved from those evil people that just stapled his testicles to his stomach and... OH THE HORROR. Which is actually somewhat better than they deserve.
To simply say "Be careful out there kids." And wash my hands of it would be irresponsible, so here goes the list... Take notes. No, I mean it, grab a friggin pen and write this stuff down. Now... Move!
1) If meeting someone new in a club, ask people there if they know the person. Are they new? Who have they played with in the past? Did they leave I.D. at they door? If so, was it noted in a log? Are they local? Are they regulars to the club? NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! Leave with someone you just met. Now what did I just say? Say it again... NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! Leave with someone you just met. I don't care how horny you are. I don't care how bad the burning to serve or recieve pain is. Don't do it EVER. Now there are those individuals that go into the clubs with this singular intent. To find someone new and leave that very night with them. They get off on the thrill of the danger. Sometimes they get lucky and find a decent chap who just wants an exciting evening with the pleasure of a person willing to serve. Sometimes we find these people in shallow graves, worms eating what is left of their flesh and who are ultimately just decomposing meat. Sometimes we never find these people at all. If you ARE one of these people, good luck, you have been officially warned and I wash my hands of you. To the rest of you that have a modicum of sense and self preservation, say it again. NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! leave with someone you just met.
2) Always tell people you trust that you are going out and when you will be returning and EXACTLY where you are going to be. DO NOT DEVIATE!!! Have a safe call, a person you call the minute you arrive at whatever the destination is and have a code word if there is trouble. Something that says "Call the cops, I am in real trouble here." For example, I knew a submissive whose mother had passed away some years earlier. So the code for us was, "Tell mom I will probably be here all night and not to worry everything is fine." If those words had come out of her mouth, I was to call the police immediately, then hit *69 and if there was no answer, call information to track what that phone number was and where it came from. If that failed to get results, I was to give that number to the police and let them track the number. I never had to do this and she wound up marrying a good friend of mine who was in the lifestyle. They have two kids now and with as much time as the spend together, I think they are working on the third.
3) Always take your own car or have cab fare to leave a situation. The minute you are in another persons car, they are in control of the final destination. If the person insists that you take one car, that should be a red flag right there. Smile sweetly and wish them a good evening. If that fails, I have learned that a swift kick to the groin area and some loud screaming usually does the trick.
4) If you are meeting someone from online for the first time in real life, again, ask around. Have others been with this person? If so, how did that go? If not, get these essentials. Get at least three photos and not of their private parts, good clear facial shots. At least one form of photo I.D. Drivers license is the standard. Now (COMPARE THE PHOTOS) I am serious. Do they match? I usually include six numbers from my Social Security card and a state I.D. as well. You see, I want my submissive's trust, that is the whole point of this and anything I can give to help her trust me more, can only make matters better. Make sure you give this information to someone you can trust to follow through, especially if you are going out of town and if at all possible, STAY IN A HOTEL!!! Why a hotel? Two reasons.
(A) You have someplace to go if things don't work out.
(B) You are not in a strange enviornment where the other person has the upper hand on you.
The same rules apply for the safe calls here as in the clubs. Call at specific times and don't deviate. Always keep in mind that if things are going to work, it will take some time. Be patient and this will bloom into something worth hanging onto.
5) Trust your gut. If it doesn't feel right, leave. If the person just gives you the creeps, get outta there. If later on you find out that the other person was simply having an off night. You can always try again, but that is the true beauty right there. You are alive to try again, if you feel weirded out by the situation, leave the situation.
Now, read that back to me and arch your back while you do it. Good posture is healthy and looks pretty.
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PAGE 3 'SOME THOUGHTS ON SAFETY'
