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The Wolf and Saddam: A Fable for Our Times
by Endor Finn (with apologies to Aesop)
A wolf -- we'll call him "W" for short -- meeting with "a rack" of Lamb sitting on top of a bunch of valuable oil fields, resolved (after consulting with his advisors and checking the latest poll numbers) not to eat the Lamb and confiscate his oil fields immediately as was his first instinct, but to find some excuse to justify this action, not only to the Lamb, but also to the Hawks and Doves, who took a keen interest in such affairs, and to others such as the Frogs and the German Shepherds, who seemed particularly skeptical of his intentions. He thus addressed the Lamb:
"You're responsible for the tradegery ("truh-DEE-juh-ree") of September 11!"
"I presume you mean tragedy," bleated the Lamb. "That is not exactly accurate. As a matter of fact, none of the September 11 hijackers were lambs."
"That may be true," snarled "W." "But you got
nukyaler weapons!"
"I presume you mean 'nuclear' weapons," replied the Lamb. "I'm afraid not, unless you're counting all the depleted uranium you left over here last time you condescended to pay me a visit."
"W" growled, beginning to become angry. "Irregardless whether ya got nukyaler weapons, you're violatin' a U.N. resolution by not allowing U.N. inspectors to examine your posterior!" ("W" did not actually use the word "posterior" at this point, but we think it is more polite than what he actually said.)
"U.N. resolutions like these?" asked the Lamb acidly, tossing a stack of nearly 100 U.N. resolutions being violated with impunity by various countries up into the air like confetti.
"W" could barely contain his rage as he watched the papers flutter to the ground like the snow in a Christmas scene inside a glass, water-filled globe.
"Your posterior!" repeated "W," shrilly. "That's where you're hidin' weapons of mass destruction!"
"They've been called many things," admitted the Lamb, "and there have been occasional complaints about the release of certain vapors. But I don't believe anyone ever called them weapons of mass de -- "
"Listen, mister, you're -- you're in breeches made outa some kinda material! You better take 'em off right away and let us have a look in your arsenal -- or else!"
"Oh, for Allah's sake!" sighed the Lamb heavily. "Well, if you really MUST examine it, HERE," he said, turning around, lowering his trousers and offering his backside to "W" in unconscious imitation of several thousand Europeans.
At this point "W" called in a team of U.N. inspectors, who probed the oriface in question for a long, long time, eventually pulling from same about a half-dozen empty warheads.
"Hmm," mused the Lamb, when all of the warheads had at last been successfully extracted. "I've been wondering what happened to those."
"I knew it!" chortled "W" gleefully. "Weapons of mass destruction!"
"It's true that they nearly killed me just now," said the Lamb. "But in case you hadn't noticed, they're empty."
"Weapons of mass destruction!" crowed "W" triumphantly.
"Potentially, yes," said the U.N. inspectors, puzzled at "W"'s reaction. "But not these. They're empty."
"As in harmless," put in the Lamb.
"I'm surprised at you fellas," replied "W," ignoring the Lamb's rude, irrelevant interjection and directing his comments only to the inspectors. "Why, the very fact that you can't find this evildoing Lamb's weapons only proves all the more that he's hiding them!"
"Um, no it doesn't," said the inspectors.
"It certainly doesn't," agreed the Lamb.
"It certainly doesn't," croaked the Frogs, who had been listening all the while.
"No it doesn't," woofed the German Shepherds, standing nearby.
"It certainly doesn't," cooed the Doves. The Hawks immediately swooped down upon them and killed them, however.
"I see," said "W," pausing thoughtfully as he watched the Hawks devour the hapless Doves, then smirking in a self-satisfied way. "Well, I don't care. I'm going to eat the Lamb anyway." This he did, in two bites, whereupon an entire pack of Wolves and a pride of Lions, all of them "W"'s friends and associates, immediately moved in to occupy the valuable oil fields which had once belonged to the Lamb. The U.N. inspectors remained standing where they were, astonished at what had taken place.
"Any objections?" the Wolves and Lions asked them, licking their lips hungrily.
**********
Moral: Tyanny doesn't need a reason, or, If you can go AWOL from the National Guard for two years, steal the American Presidency, and destroy both the American economy and the American justice system without suffering any consequences whatsoever, you can pretty much do as you like.
Copyright © 2003 by Endor Finn. All rights reserved.
Aesop's original fable 'The Wolf and the Lamb'
Send E-Mail to: endorfinn@yahoo.com
Copyright © 2007 Endor Finn. All Rights Reserved