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THE UNRULY STUDENT
From Sullivan's Short Stories
The perils of a teacher in a drug rehab facility
By Laura Santeler
I really need to find a different job. Every once in awhile we get a kid that has serious psychological problems. But until they do something really bad, they can stay.
We happen to have a kid like that in our classroom right now. So that the teacher Mr. T can educate the kids who aren't quite certifiable. My job is to take the disruptive ones into the rec. room and hope they don't kill me.
Yesterday this boy was mad because he was supposed to study for a science test. He did not want to, so he threw the book across the room. This was not the disturbing part. This happens all the time. It was what he did next that freaked me out.
All of a sudden he started making sex noises and making sexual movements. At first I thought, OMG what's going on, is he having a seizure? Then I made the connection. I ask, "are you doing what I think you're doing?"
He laughs and does it again. I say "J, that is so inappropriate you need to stop it NOW". I catch the eye of the other kid in the room who had been working hard on his GED math. His eyes were popping out of his head, I am sure mine were too. The other kid say's "dude, WTF man , knock it off!"
I look at the time. There is 10 minutes left of school, so I say "okay, schools over. Bye." They both leave.
I go tell Mr. T the teacher, he asks "what do you mean sex noises?"
I say "you know like in Harry met Sally, that one scene"
He asks "did he say anything?" I say " No he just did the orgasm thing."
He says " This is very serious, I need to know exactly what he did".
"You mean, you want me to do it...what he did?" " ?"
He tells me yes, that would be helpful."
OMG, okay I am no Meg Ryan, but he said it was important and serious so I do my best imitation of what the kid did. I must have done a really good job because he tells me we need to talk to a supervisor.
Fine I think he will explain it to the supervisor and the kid will be put in a psychiatric ward and that will be that. But instead the supervisor takes me in an office alone and asks me what happened. I repeat the story,
He says " did he say any words like *bleep* or *bleep*?"
I say " no just the motions and sounds" " What sounds?" He asks.
I tell him, "You know...orgasm sounds, like in Harry Met Sally, that one scene"
He wants to know what scene I am referring to?
"You have got to be kidding!" By now I am getting really upset. "Do I have to show you?" I ask, "because I already showed Mr. T and this is getting really old".
He tells me it is very important that they know exactly what he did. Fine, here I go again. This is the most action I have gotten in awhile, and not only that, I think I am deserving of an academy award.
He calls the kid in the room and surprisingly the kid admits it. He say's he did it to make me laugh. He says I did laugh as a matter of fact. Umm no, that was not laughter, that was me choking on my pepsi.
So today the kid has to see the psychiatrist. I am told he will be starting meds. Well there's the answer, this kid has been kicked out of six rooms so far by the other clients. Their answer to this was to give the kid Benadryl at night so he could not disrupt the other kids.
I am starting to think, not only did I have to re-enact the scene in When Harry Met Sally , I also have a starring role in One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest. And the lunatics have taken over the asylum.
***END***
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