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ONE WOMAN'S DREAM
Sullivan's Short Stories
By: Terri L. Rasmussen
Lauren woke up lying in a hospital bed not really sure of what had happened to her. As she adjusted to the bright light filtering into the room, she looked over at her husband, Alex sitting in the chair beside the bed.
His head placed in his hands, looking sad as if he had been crying. As if he sensed her eyes upon him, his aqua blue eyes looked directly into hers.
Suddenly, the reason she was in the hospital in the first place came to Lauren. The laparoscopic procedure. The only way to find out why she was incapable of conceiving a child. Deep down in side her heart of hearts, she knew the results were not what she wanted to hear. She noticed Alex had been crying.
It was his dream as well as hers to have a house full of kids. He had often teased her about having a whole baseball team of children. She would laugh and just pray for one. But each month she was disappointed. After a year of trying to become pregnant, they were led here to find out the culprit of their infertility problems. She forced herself to turn away from his gaze. The heartbreak in his eyes was just to much for her to bear right now.
Dr. Moore, the gynecologist who performed the procedure walked into the room. "How are you feeling?" he asked with kindness in his voice.
Ignoring his question, Lauren asked one of her own, "What's the verdict?"
Alex rose from his chair and came closer to the side of her bed. He reached for her hand and held it. He knew she was about to hear some pretty devastating news and he wanted to be there for her in every way he could.
Dr. Moore took a deep breath before explaining. This was the hardest part of his job and he hated it. He liked to give couples happy news. That would not be the case today. "Lauren, Alex, I'm so sorry. You're not able to have children."
Lauren began to wail hysterically. Her whole body shook uncontrollably as each sob threatened to cause her to hyperventilate. "No!" She cried over and over again.
Dr. Moore continued, "You have a condition known as endometriosis. The lining of your uterus is thickened and there is no way it could ever support a growing fetus. Also, unfortunately, the endometriosis has grown outside of the pelvic cavity and has attached itself to your intestines. There is medicine I can prescribe you for it but, it is no cure."
Lauren sat up and held onto Alex for dear life. She continued crying into his shoulder as the doctor went on explaining. To no avail, her gut-wrenching sobs drowned out every word the doctor was saying. All she could think of was her dream to be a mother, had come to a vicious end. She felt like a failure as a woman.
The days and months after the diagnosis ticked by excruciatingly slow and painful for Lauren. Every where she looked there were babies in strollers, in parks, in malls, at the movies and in her own family. That was the worst. Every one was so happy with their babies and here she was destined to be childless for the rest of her life. No matter where she went, she was surrounded by babies. This only plummeted her further into a deep depression.
When her twin sister, Meghan announced she was going to have a baby of her own, Lauren went home and cried. She spent three days in bed. Alex tried his best to coax her out of bed, back among the living, to no avail. She remained. Feelings of worthlessness clouded her like a thick fog. She felt as if she were moving in slow motion. Nothing had any meaning to her anymore. Thoughts of suicide plagued her mind. But when it came down to it, Lauren knew she would never be able to do it. She didn't believe in suicide. It went against everything she had been taught as a child. Plus, she realized she couldn't do that to Alex. It would devastate him too much if she were to kill herself.
Finally, after she had managed to drag herself out of bed for a mere few days, he broached the subject of adoption. In the beginning, Lauren had been adamantly against it. If she couldn't carry her own flesh and blood under her heart, she wasn't a real mother, she told him and herself. If she couldn't do that, then she would have to live without a baby.
It wasn't until Meghan gave birth to her daughter Lizzie, that Lauren finally broke down. She and Alex were over at Meghan admiring the sweet baby and Lauren pulled Meghan to the bedroom alone and began to beg her best friend in the world, to give Lizzie to her to raise.
"Please, Meghan." Lauren begged as tears streamed down her face violently. "I promise I will love her as my own. Please let me have her."
Meghan was taken aback by her twin's behavior. She had never seen her like this before. She understood and could even feel how bad she was hurting. It was the hurt of her sister's infertility problems causing Lauren's behavior. This wasn't the way she acted normally. Normally, Lauren was happy go lucky and just plain satisfied with the world. Meghan heart was breaking for her sister.
Lauren dropped to her knees in front of her sister. "Please, Meghan. You will never have to worry about her. I'll make sure nothing bad ever happens to her." She cried out desperately.
Meghan cried for her sister as she dropped down to her knees and held her sister in her arms. She rocked them until she finally had gotten Lauren to calm down some. She had no idea what to do to ease her sister's pain. Short of giving her own child to her sister, what was there to do?
After the realization of the extent of her desperation hit her, Lauren finally agreed to forge ahead with the adoption process. All of her life, she had wanted children and had dreamed of being a mother. Did it really matter how that dream was realized? No, she answered herself. Could she still love a child even if it hadn't come from her own womb? Yes, she answered herself.
The fog began to lift and Lauren found herself becoming psyched up for her impending motherhood. She and Alex went to meet with the adoption lawyer. For the first time in months, Lauren's spirits were light. She had the feeling of soon, she would be holding her baby in her arms. She felt as if she were walking on air. A smile adorned her face for the first time in she couldn't remember in how long.
Unfortunately, for Alex and Lauren, her elation was short-lived. Feelings of overwhelming failure and self-pity came over them when the lawyer explained, that the process could take years. Especially since there wasn't many infants up for adoption.
Lauren cried all the way home.
"It's okay," Alex said softly. "Maybe we can try Social Services or try going to a lawyer who specializes in private adoption."
"Why don't we just forget this whole parenthood thing, Alex?" She asked. "It just isn't meant to be." Tears streamed down her face that earlier held a smile.
"No!" He yelled at her. "I'm not giving up and neither are you. I'm not going to let you. It's my dream as much as it is yours. I'll buy us a baby if I have too."
In that moment, Lauren fell in love with her husband all over again. In her desperation and depression she had overlooked what the fertility problems were doing to Alex. She felt guilty for shutting him out. Keeping the hurt only to herself. He shared in it too. "I'm sorry." She said softly.
"It's not your fault, honey." He said understandingly. "I never blamed you."
Lauren knew that no matter how things worked out, everything would turn out okay. They would survive this and anything else life decided to throw at them.
Alex pulled into the driveway of their house, and Lauren softly said, "I love you, Alex."
"I love you too sweetheart." He said as he turned the car off and reached over and kissed her softly, yet passionately on the lips.
Happily, hand in hand they got out of their car and made their way up the steps to their front porch where Meghan was sitting on the porch swing waiting for them to come back home.
"Meghan." Lauren exclaimed. She remembered the night she begged her sister for her baby and became embarrassed immediately. Her face turned red and she looked away from her sister's gaze. "Is it Lizzie? Mom or Dad? Richard?" She asked.
"Come in," Alex suggested as he unlocked the door and the trio entered the house and sat down on the oversized sofa and matching chair.
"Um," Meghan began. "I've been doing some thinking and some research. I think I may have the solution to your problem." She spoke cautiously. Not wanting to upset her sister's fragile state of mind.
Alex and Lauren looked at each other and then at Meghan curiously. "How?" They asked in unison.
"Well," She began to answer. "There's a procedure where they can mix your egg and sperm in a petrel dish and then once the egg is fertilized, implant them into my womb. I could carry the baby for you."
"We can't ask you to do that, Meghan." Alex said.
"You're not asking me to do it. I'm offering. I want to do this for you." She told them.
"Wow!" Lauren exclaimed.
"Please let me do this for you guys. I can't stand seeing what this is doing to both of you."
"I'm not sure." Alex said.
"The baby will be yours totally. Biologically and every other way as well. I promise." She told them.
"What about Richard and Lizzie?" Lauren asked. This couldn't have been an easy decision for Meghan to make without thinking of her own husband and child.
"Well, Lizzie is only a month old, I'm sure she will never know anything about it. And Richard is the one who suggested it to me." She answered her sister's question.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Alex asked.
"Of course. I know what it all entails. You would have complete say over any treatment I may receive while pregnant with your baby. Every decision will be yours." She told them. "In fact, since Lauren and I are identical twins, the chances of this working are even higher than if we weren't."
Alex and Lauren looked at each other trying to figure out what the other was thinking. They both understood that this was a gift that was being given to them. They smiled at each other simultaneously and knew what the other's answer was.
Lauren stood and hugged her sister . Knowing Meghan, of all people understood her dream. Better than anyone else.
Lauren exclaimed with happiness in her voice and sweet tears flowing down her face, "Yes."
The End
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