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THE SUBSTITUTE TEACHER
Lessons learned as a substitute teacher
Laura Santeler
Being a substitute teacher was ok. At least at the high school level. Now you're probably thinking that's
strange. Wouldn't the little first graders be easier, more fun? Nope, that is where you would be wrong.
High school, you go in, pop in a movie for first period, and continue that all day. You also get some good
breaks due to teacher planning time etc. First grade, you go in and look over the plans. Some teachers
gave good plans, most did not.
1) Take attendance and do lunch. Attendance, sounds easy but it's not. Kids have strange
names and strange pronunciations. For example, Lisa, you think it's pronounced Lisa, but no it's Liza
is it spelled that way? No, so Lisa/Liza either does not answer or she gets upset. The rest of the class
thinks you are soo stupid and funny. They yell in unison, "it's Liza", like you just called the kid loser
or something. This makes Lisa/Liza even more upset.
2) Lunch
Okay, when did school lunch become such an ordeal? We have red tickets for hot lunch, green for cold
with milk, purple for kids on plan A, orange for kids who are anorexic, yellow for kids who get a kosher
meal, and kids who just pay that day, get black. There is a chart and you check off
if the kid is using their ticket, or if they brought a lunch, no check, if they are going home for lunch,
two checks with a star. This takes an hour, but the kids have music in 15 min.
Of course, I have no idea where the music room is. And guess what? Neither do they!
After wandering the halls with 20 little six year olds, I find the music room. I am instructed
to pick them up in twenty min. Good that gives me enough time to look over plans.
8:50 am. Do readers theater with the students.
Okay, what the hell is that? Will I figure it out? Will the kids know?
For these and other compelling questions , stay tuned.
I get blank stares when I ask the class what exactly we do in readers theater?
Fine, lets move on to spelling. My plans say " please write spelling list
on the board" Now, this is first grade so I am expecting Cat, Dog etc.
No, that would be back in the day when kids were not pressured to be
little geniuses. So I star writing.
1) computer
2) Biology
3) antelope
Little Charlie ( a girl ) pronounced Sharlie, raises her hand, "yes," I ask?
" You write funny, Mrs. S., Our teacher, Mrs. Perfect, writes nice." I want to say,
" Well Chuck, you pick your nose, but you didn't hear me bring it up".
Instead I continue with the list.
4) Herpes
Jack Robert the IV raises his hand
" Yes, " I ask?
" Can I go to the nurse?"
I find out throughout my day that the nurse is the most popular person in the
school. It does not matter if you have nothing wrong with you, she's nice, and you get ice packs.
I also learn that personality's are formed by first grade. Little miss goody goody,
who tells you every five min. that " Mrs. Perfect doesn't do it like that,"
and " Tyrell isn't doing his spelling", will be the same way as an adult.
You know the kind, the ones at the school meetings who are always yapping
their gums. " Excuse me, but I don't think it's fair that the band mom's who made cookies,
should have to ride the bus. I think we should get a limo for the next trip." The boy who
laughs and sticks his tongue out, when I move his name from the yellow warning circle
to the red stop your in trouble circle, is the future Mr. Obnoxious. You will
find him at parties, being too loud, too drunk, and he will tell bad dirty jokes.
I also learned that if you want to be called again, you need to write a lengthy note
to the teacher with "what a great class you have", mentioned several times.
And you need to buy Jolly Ranchers and stickers, to be given at the end of the day.
Wonderful bribing tools too. Yep, give me high school kids any day.
I can sleep right along with them, and the nurse has lost her appeal.
***End***
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