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SCREWNOSE
By Donald Sullivan
Alex Reston drove his Toyota along Bay Street until he spotted the small, gray house displaying number 3736 on the door. He made out a small sign hanging above the entrance:
MADAM SOPHIA
MYSTIC
Sees All**Knows All
Madam Sophia. Alex had traveled a thousand miles to come see her. He hoped and prayed that this time he'd found the one who could help him remove this thing from his nose.
He drove another block and found a place to park. A feeling of despair came over him as he walked toward the house. This would be another failure, he knew, just like all the other failures. Why should he expect this Madame Sophia to succeed where scores of doctors, spiritual healers, and even some voodoo practitioners had failed? But he knew that he would go on trying, no matter what. He walked up the steps and pressed the doorbell. A moment later a dark, plump, middle-aged woman appeared. She was wearing a shawl, ankle length skirt, and large earrings dangled from her ears.
The woman's piercing black eyes looked him over, finally resting on his nose. "So you're Alex Reston," she said. She stepped aside. "Please come in, Mr. Reston."
She seated him at a small table in the living room and went to the kitchen to prepare tea. The room was dark, lighted only by a few candles. Drapes covered the walls and windows.
"Another phony," he thought.
Madame Sophia returned with the tea and seated herself opposite him at the table. "After you've finished your tea, I'll read the leaves. John Eagle, the Cherokee shaman who sent you here, told me about your problem. I think I can help you, but you must tell me all about this screw in the tip of your nose, how it came to be there, and how it has affected you."
Alex sipped his tea. "I was born with it. Mother never did explain it to me, other than to say it was some kind of curse. It has affected my life from as far back as I can remember. In grade school the kids called me names like 'Screwnose,' and 'Beakenstein.' As I grew older, the name-calling stopped, but the stares I got from people were worse. In these days of body-piercing, it's not quite as bad, but I still get lots of stares. Small kids are afraid of me, and the bigger ones giggle."
"I can understand your hurt and humiliation because of this thing," she said, "but have you considered that there may be a reason for the screw being there?"
"I can't think of any purpose that would outweigh the shame and humiliation this thing has caused me."
She nodded. "What have you done in the past about trying to remove it? What about medical procedures such as surgery?"
"All the doctors I've seen are afraid to touch it. They've never seen anything like it. X-rays show nothing, so they have no idea how far it penetrates into my head. The curse, I guess.
"I've also seen witch doctors, shamans, and voodoo priests. None of them were successful. I've tried to unscrew it myself. It won't budge. Finally, I saw John Eagle, who sent me to you."
He pushed the now empty tea cup over to her. She studied the leaves in the bottom of the cup. After a few moments, she reached across the table and laid her hand on his nose. She then held his nose between her thumb and forefinger and squeezed until tears came from his eyes.
"I want you to close your eyes and try to keep your mind free of thoughts for a few seconds."
He did as she instructed, and after a moment she released his nose. She handed him a tissue and he wiped his teary eyes and now runny nose.
"I've got good news for you," she said. There is a way that you can remove the screw, but you will have to make one more trip. There is a small town called Seaside about three hundred miles south of here. Go there and look for a place called Sand's--or perhaps Sander's--Curio Shop. Something is in there that can help you. I don't know what you will find, but you will know it when you see it.
***
Madame Sophia was close. The name of the place was Sandy's Curio Shop. Alex browsed around the shop until his eyes were drawn to a small leather case about six inches long. There was no doubt in his mind. This was the instrument he was looking for. He picked it up and read the lettering on the case:
FOR REMOVAL OF NOSE SCREWS
USE WITH CAUTION
He opened the case to discover that it held an ordinary flat bladed screwdriver, except that it appeared to be made of gold. He knew that it would be expensive, but he knew that he must have it. He purchased the item.
He couldn't wait. As soon as he reached his car, he climbed in and removed the screwdriver from the case. He adjusted the rear-view mirror until he could see the screw in his nose. His hands trembled, and he had trouble fitting the screwdriver blade into the slot on the screw.
He gave the handle a slight twist, and his heart leaped as the screw turned. He felt no pain. He began turning the handle faster and saw the screw coming out. It was out by a quarter inch, then a half inch, and finally an inch.
He was ecstatic. He gave one final turn of the handle, and as he pulled the screw out his ears fell off.
***THE END***
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