 |
THE PRACTICAL JOKE
Two Stories By Donald Sullivan
THE PRACTICAL JOKE
Stephen Hollings was a world class playboy. He liked to joke that he was a bum, a very, very rich bum.
When Stephen inherited Hollings Industries from his uncle, his first act was to sell the business. Even after the lawyers and the IRS got their cut, Stephen still wound up with a cool half billion. He could live it up for the rest of his natural life and never worry about running out of money.
He ran with a group of playboys calling themselves "The Rockers." There were five of them, all young men, all filthy rich. The group existed for only one purpose: pleasure. They traveled the globe in their yachts and private jets in search of fun and excitement.
One of The Rocker's favorite diversions was practical jokes. The group would go to great lengths in planning elaborate practical jokes on each other.
***
The Rockers were visiting one of their favorite spots on the globe, Guava Island, in the Caribbean. The people on the little island had no industry other than tourism--and they catered to the very rich tourists, such as The Rockers.
"I've got a great idea for a practical joke, Maury" said Stephen to his best friend, Maurice Paris. "This is going to be the granddaddy of all practical jokes."
"That good? What you got up your sleeve, Stevey?"
"I'm going to die. But when they're at my funeral services, I push the lid up and--boom!--I come back from the dead."
Maury's eyes lit up. "Heyyy, sounds good my buddy. But how do you plan to pull this off?"
"I've been doing some checking. There's a witch doctor, called "Hudu" on the island who practices voodoo. His specialty is zombies. People die, and he brings them back to life. Locals are really impressed."
"I never heard of him," said Maury.
"One of the chorus girls at the Pirate's Cove Club told me about him, and took me to see him. I was impressed. It took a pretty good bribe, but I found out how he does it."
"He told you his secrets?"
"Well, not exactly. But he did tell me that he uses secret herbs to induce a death-like coma in his subjects, and then revives them with secret herbal antidotes."
"But how are you going to get around all those things the mortician does, like draining your blood and so on."
"I found out that on this island they don't do anything to a body before burial. It's against their religion."
"Hmmm. Might work. What's your plan, Stevey boy?"
"Here's how it's gonna work. I've already got Hudu, for another generous bribe, to agree to help in my plan. You and I will take a stroll on the beach, where we'll meet Hudu in an isolated area. He'll administer the herbs to me. You run back to the hotel and yell that I clutched my heart and fell to the ground.
"The hotel will send a doctor, who will declare me dead. Even doctors can't tell the difference. Our good friend Charlie, who studied medicine before joining The Rockers, will no doubt check me out, too."
"I get it," said Maury. "Hudu will be at the viewing of your remains, and will secretly give you the antidote, right?"
"You got it. When Hudu files past my coffin, he'll lean over to place a flower on my chest, and surreptitiously administer the antidote."
"Just curious," said Maury. "Will you be aware of what's going on?"
"Yes, but not the whole time. Hudu tells me that I'll have normal sleep periods, at which time I'll simply black out. But when I awaken I'll be able to hear everything around me."
Maury chuckled. "Should be interesting."
"One more thing," said Stephen. "Hudu warned me that thieves sometime break into the funeral home and rob the dead of jewelry and valuables, so family members keep an overnight vigil. I want you, as my best friend, to keep vigil."
"Don't worry, I'll be keeping you company," said Maury.
***
The night in the funeral home was uneventful. Maury talked some, and cracked a joke or two. But Stephen slept through most of the night and missed most of the chatter. The last thing he remembered Maury saying was: "Cheez, you really do look dead, Stevey boy. If you don't mind, I'm gonna snooze a while."
***
When he awakened, he heard Maury announce that it was morning, and that he was going to pick up Hudu.
Stephen heard everything going on at the services. He chuckled inwardly as he heard his fellow rockers talk about the good times, and tell each other what a great guy ol' Stevey was.
As the crowd was talking quietly, Stephen heard a loud crash.
"What the devil was that?" someone said.
"Sounds like a wreck." Stephen recognized Charlie's voice. "I'm going out to take a look."
Moments later, he heard Charlie's voice again, this time shouting, "My God! It's Maury. A truck ran a stop sign and rammed into his car. Maury was killed instantly, and so was his passenger, an old man that some local recognized as a witch doctor."
***
Stephen could not open his eyes, but he could hear the chatter, and he knew that he was now all but forgotten. All the talk centered around the accident now.
Up until now, he had not made any real effort to move. But as it dawned on him that both Maury and Hudu were now dead, he was now doomed unless he could somehow find a way to signal to his friends that he wasn't dead.
Hudu had told him that without the antidote, his subjects usually revived in three days. But here on Guava Island, they buried their dead quickly, because the bodies weren't preserved. When he did revive, he would be in pitch black darkness, six feet under.
He had to move; he must! He tried, but with his greatest efforts, he could not even manage to move a finger. He couldn't even wrinkle his brow. He had never been a religious person, but he prayed. To no avail.
Finally he heard the shuffling of their feet as they were leaving. Moments later, he heard the lid on the coffin slam shut.
***
The quiet was broken; he heard movement. Were they ready to haul him to the grave already? Then it sounded to him as if the coffin lid was raised again. And then he felt something.
His eyelids fluttered open to see Hudu standing over him. He rose up and looked around in astonishment. All the rockers were there, and suddenly they began to laugh.
Maury was laughing so hard he could barely talk. "I just couldn't resist, Stevey boy. If you remember, I was the last guy you tricked, and I just had to get back at you."
Stephen, dumbfounded, looked questioningly at Hudu.
"Hudu wasn't in on it," said Maury, "he just did as I told him to do, and he thought he was doing as you wished."
"Stephen breathed a sigh of relief, then laughed. "If I wasn't so damned glad to be alive, I'd kick your butt so hard they'd have to operate to get my foot out."
**The End**
Home Page
Send E-Mail to: dhsully@gmail.com
Copyright © 2008 Donald H Sullivan. All Rights Reserved