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BAND DICTIONARY
¾ TIME: A way to keep the band continuously out of step.
AIR: The driving force behind brass instruments, but generally lacks in woodwinds, therefore causing squeaks.
AIR-BAND: A form of enforced hyper-ventilation (a violation of the 8th Amendment's cruel & unusual punishment law).
ALTO SAXOPHONE: A musical instrument that either plays very loud or not at all between squeaks.
ARC: A shape with between one and five corners and one open side.
ASSISTANT DRUM MAJOR: Takes over for drum major when not available.
ATTENTION: Standing still while sticking out your butt. Can only talk in whispers so that no captains or other leaders hear you.
BAND CAMP: A time of gathering between most band geeks (including color guard) for six days during August where they learn how to hunt raccoons and sneak out of cabins in search of real food (such as the Pepsi machine, which brings together the biggest collection of 1's and quarters you've ever seen!)
BAND GEEK: Someone who is very enthusiastic and involved in band. Willing to give up all free time.
BAND PARENTS: The only parents that a band geek sees between August and December. The only reason the band is held together.
BAND PARTY: A gathering of Band Geeks where they play cards and complain about the latest rehearsal and upcoming competitions.
BARI-SAXOPHONE: An instrument for woodwind saxophone players who want to play like a tuba.
BARITONE: 1. A device for doubling with trombones except using the right notes. Also used for playing during silence.
BASS CLARINET: A concert instrument that, when used properly, is still not heard.
BASSOON: An unusual hybrid between a bass clarinet and oboe which remains unused in marching.
BATHROOM OF DOOM: An object designed to really get to know the people (and their characteristic smells) in the back of the bus.
BELL-FRONT INSTRUMENT: Always brass, these are directional instruments designed to play extremely loud.
BRASS: Metallic looking and sounding devices designed to over-blow and blast.
BUS: 1. A good way to get to know someone (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, if you know what I mean), however the most painful way in the world to watch a movie. Also known for the Bathroom of Doom
CADENCE: A way of making the crowd forget the parade march the band just played that impresses people. Good time for band section visuals.
CARDS: 52 rectangular devices of equal size and width which each have respective numbers, symbols, and colors on them which keep band geeks continually entertained.
CD'S: Thin circular devices with a 5.25" diameter and a hole in the middle that are manufactured by companies such as Microsoft, Apple, and America Online to be used for marking one's place on the field when learning new sets.
CHEAP HIGH: A form of rhythmic hyper-ventilation done for fun.
CHERRY COKE: A liquid substance which is almost as important to Band Geeks as valve oil, although it is drunk in larger quantities than valve oil.
CIRCLE: A closed shape with definite corners and edges.
COLOR-GUARD: People who swing flags and toss rifles to distract the audience's attention away from the band. Makes the band seem better. Get extra credit if they hit (accidentally, of course) a band member, yet defied if they hit a field judge.
COMPANY FRONT: A zigzag line within a certain area of the field, such as a hash: ~~~~~~
COMPETITION: A general gathering of band geeks to show that each ones band is better than the others.
CONCERT: Extremely dangerous form of torture for both students and audience. Fatal if used in duration exceeding one hour.
CONCERTO: A musical piece that is written for the express reason of singling out one single player from the band to humiliate himself alone in a performance. CONDUCTING: The Drum Major's method of amusing the band to points of laughter at times.
CONDUCTOR: The person in the front who waves his arms and dances wildly to the music. Constantly marks time during halts.
CONTRA: A tuba that is snapped onto and off of the player's shoulder. Designed to build up arm muscles and decrease brain activity. Name was chosen for being sexier than "Sousaphone."
CONTRA BASS CLARINET: A large, metallic, clarinet-like instrument that is designed to play in the range of a tuba, but is often mistaken for the kitchen sink.
DEATH MARCH: The direct result of a Christmas parade being marched slowly to a fast song.
DIRECTOR: The person who claims to be in charge when everything is going well and claims denial when things go wrong.
DISKETTES: Devices made to be thrown in a similar style to that of a Frisbee across the marching field prior to rehearsals. This action can also be done with CD's.
DIVINE COMEDY: Watching the drum major attempt to keep a correct tempo. DR. BEAT: A form of cruel and unusual punishment (violation of the 8th Amendment) that is bestowed over a loudspeaker when working on already-learned music.
DRILL: Pages that show what a form is supposed to look like. Should be burned at year's end.
DRILL-DOWN: When band geeks follow long sets of commands from the drum major, just to see who can do it, in an attempt at fun. It is only "fun" when this name is used, however, not during rehearsal.
DRUM CORPS: Very similar to marching band, except for a few differences: 1)They are good. 2)No woodwinds. Coincidence?
DRUM-LINE: The people hitting the drums (or each other) with sticks in time with each other, but either a half beat earlier or later than the band and one beat from the pit.
DRUM MAJOR: See conductor.
DRUM: Round hollow devices with covering on the top and sometimes the bottom. Loud.
DYNAMICS: Either loud or louder (volume).
EARLY: To never be. Reasoning: To be early is to be on time, while to be on time is to be late, but to be late is to never be. Following this through, early is to never be.
ECHO: What a band geek should hear after a good cut-off. I'm not sure what it sounds like, though, so I can't explain it.
FIELD: 100 yards in length, this is a wide expanse of mud on which bands perform. Contained within the area of this expanse are frequent sprinklers with occasional patches of grass.
FLUTE: An un-tuned device for people who want to be in the band who have weak arms and don't wish to be heard. Great odds for guys though.
FOOD: "Fuel" for band geeks. Is an attacker of performance uniforms, but can still be eaten (in secrecy) in this state of being.
FOOTBALL TEAM: The main reason the band can't always use the marching field.
FORMER BAND GEEK: The name given to a person who was in band, quit, and now returns (usually with food) to rehearsals to watch just for fun.
FORTE: The lowest dynamic marking a brass instrument can play at.
FRENCH HORN: Only brass instrument that is played with left hand. Involves strings in conjunction with valves and an impossibility to play fast or loud.
FRESHMEN: Designed to make up half the size of the band.
FULL UNIFORM: A form of torture consisting of Urkel pants, a heavy wool jacket, a choking ugly hat (with that strikingly beautiful yet flammable plume), and circulation-stopping suspenders.
FUND-RAISERS: Opportunities provided throughout the year for the adult staff to yell at band members while making a few extra bucks on the side. Results of these are used to double standard teacher's salary.
GEEKDOM: The state of a band member who is willing to give up all free time during season.
GEEKISM: Something that is related to marching band which spontaneously happens (such as walking with friends down the hall in step or whistling warm-ups or scales without thinking about it).
GONG: A loud, large cymbal-like device. It is the goal of all good percussionists to break or crack this instrument in any way possible.
GRADUATED BAND GEEK: Someone who no longer attends the school or is over-age for a drum corps., so he is no longer in the band or corps.
HALT: A time when everyone is theoretically stopped.
HARMONY: All voices except the melody and percussion.
HELL: Saturday rehearsals, and camp food.
INSTRUCTOR: Person who tells you when you're screwing up.
INSTRUMENT: A device used for torture.
IQ: A constant combined number that does not change as the size of the band does.
KEYBOARD: The layout of most pit instruments.
MARCHING BARITONE: A version of a baritone created based on enhancements over the successful design of a Marching French Horn.
MARCHING FRENCH HORN: An instrument designed to be unable to tune, kill all freshman who attempt to keep the horn up, and make it impossible to snap.
MARCHING SHOES: Ugly, comfy, relatively inexpensive footwear.
MARK-TIME: A time when people only move their feet (without changing location) to some tempo, usually "to the beat of a different drum."
MELLOPHONE: A tunable version of a marching French horn (is there such a thing?) used by drum corps and many schools. Based on a trumpet design.
MELODY: The loudest voice, usually carried by the trumpets or piccolos.
MEMORIZATION: An action that is supposed to take place in conjunction with sets and music between band camp and the commencement of the regular year, but does not generally happen, except for the captain, until the year is completed.
MEZZO-FORTE: The highest dynamic marking of any woodwind excluding the piccolo.
MISTING: The meteorological term that the adult staff use for saying, "It's raining, but we don't give a #@$*."
MOUTHPIECE: A critical piece to a brass instrument which is meant to be dropped or thrown onto grass, loud stages, and/or sometimes mud if not forgotten.
MUSIC: 1. Papers which contain little black lines and dots with strange symbols that somehow show what the music is to sound like. 2. The succession of these notes that, in theory, should sound good. Unfortunately, we're not all in Theory - we're in Marching Band.
NOTES: 1. Little round dots on lines that show the approximate pitch that the instrument player tries to hit. 2. The language of music, similar to "BASIC," "Pascal," or "C" for computers.
OBOE: A double-reed instrument used for obtaining a clarinet sound in a piccolo range.
ON TIME: To never be. See reasoning for early.
PEP BAND: An ensemble that goes to football and basketball games with the sole purpose of embarrassing themselves. Slouching, sitting around, and eating is aloud. PERCUSSION: The group of instruments hit by sticks or mallets that keeps some beat or other.
PERFORMANCE: See concert.
PIANO: A form of "air-band" playing style.
PICCOLO: A high-pitched instrument similar to that of the flute, only you can actually hear that it's out of tune.
PIT: Percussion instruments that have pitches (like a piano) that play either half a beat earlier or later than the band, opposite of the drum line.
PLUME: The most dangerous part of the full uniform because of it's flammability: Takes 2 seconds to burn properly.
POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE: A painful form of obligation by every band geek during three of their four years in high school. An extremely useful and effective form of torture for underclassmen.
PRACTICE: The constant repetition of a sequence of notes in an unsuccessful attempt to become skilled. Usually drives family members either away from home or insane.
PSEUDO-GEEK: Somebody who isn't in band but thinks he is. Attends band parties, competitions, and rehearsals. This is not to be confused with a former band geek, or graduated band geek. See also wannabe band geek.
PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION (P.D.A.): A touchy (literally), debatable subject among band geeks. Something that happens regardless of what rules exist or peer pressure is made on people. Something that happens on the bus, in the stands, during water breaks, before and after rehearsals, during lunch and dinner breaks, on the Band Table, at Band Parties, and just about anywhere else where the rest of the band is forced to watch a couple be disgustingly cutesy together.
RAIN: Nature's way of telling the band to go inside and practice music.
REED: 1. A piece of wood that makes a great excuse for not playing well (particularly for brass instruments) if broken or brand new. Usage's: "Sorry, new reed," or "I broke my reed." 2. A device used to efficiently cut one's finger.
REHEARSAL: Time used by band geeks to forget anything learned during practice.
RESETTING: Definitions vary by sections. Woodwind: Wander aimlessly for 3 minutes and talk quietly. Brass: Run as fast as you can back to your set yelling at the top of your lungs and slipping in the mud then doing pushups. Battery: Wander and swear as you walk slowly back to your set. Colorguard: Prance back to your set and avoid getting hit by stupid, yelling brass players. Pit: Sit there and laugh your @$$ off while you watch this 3 minutes of confusion.
RIFLE: 1. A white-colored piece of wood used by the color guard that is intended for injury of band or color guard members and breakage of nails. 2. An impressive show of arm strength and coordination by the guard. Unfortunately, live ammunition is not granted as well.
ROLL-STEP: Method in which a geek should walk if his shoes are round on the bottom. Not bouncing.
SABRE: A piece of color-guard equipment which the guard prefers over rifles and is also more dangerous. Coincidence?
SENIOR: A source of constant guilt trips.
SFZ-PIANO-CRESCENDO: The act of blatting, stopping, then blasting.
SITTING-AROUND: An action carried out when sitting on busses on in sands, in which band members rely on perpetual motion to keep from sitting in the same place for more than 30 seconds.
SNAP: Instantly changing a horn's position from attention to 'horns up' or vice-versa. Havoc for someone in front of a snapped instrument.
SOUSAPHONE: An instrument that adds bass to the band. Can play any note as long as it's a low G.
SPACE-CHORD: A chord where each member plays whatever note he feels like. Used so that band members (especially freshmen who aren't used to us) get used to what we sound like.
SPAM: An artificial meat substance that almost sounds appetizing after band camp's food.
SQUEAK: The only sign that the woodwind reeds give that they are actually playing.
STANDING: What the brass-line does at band camp. Woodwinds do not accomplish this feat due to their weak legs (in most cases). There are a few exceptions to this weakness, but they don't stand anyway.
STRETCH OUT: A term geeks frequently misunderstand as "time to talk".
TEMPO: The correct beat, usually (but not always) carried by the conductor.
TENOR-SAXOPHONE: An instrument similar to the bari-saxophone, except it matches the pitch of a trombone or baritone.
TRUMPET: An instrument that is designed to make a band sound better. The idea is that if the trumpets play loud enough, you can't hear the rest of the band, so only the trumpets' mistakes are heard, not everyone else's.
TROMBONE: A device with the same pitch as a baritone, except that it uses a slide instead of valves, so it's easier to forget the position(s).
TUBA: A concert sousaphone.
TUNE: What the con
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