Mark's jokes

This is my joke page, there are jokes from knock, knock jokes and doctor, doctor jokes. For other prople there are ordanary jokes.



_______________________Knock, Knock jokes________

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
No need to cry, its only a joke.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the keyhole and you will find out.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Henrietta.
Henrietta who?
Henrietta bannana.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
lettuce in and I will tell you.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Apple.
Apple who?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Apple.
Apple who?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I kneve said Banana?


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Ken I come in or I will come through the window.



Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Angus.
Angus who?
Angus my coat up for me.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Owl.
Owl who?
Owl cry if I can not come in.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dishes the police, open up!


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Lemmy.
Lemmy who?
Lemmy in at once!


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
J.R.
J.R who
J.R coming to take you away. Ha Ha!


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Whale meat.
Whale meat who?
Whale meat again.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Amanda.
Amanda who?
Amanda fix the toilet.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Watso.
Watson who?
Watson the t.v.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dishwasher.
Dishwasher who?
Dishwasher way I spoke without my false teeth.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Scot.
Scot who?
Scot nothing to do with you.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Madame.
Madame who?
Madame foot is stuck in the door.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Senior.
Senior who?
Senior around.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Alison.
Alison who?
Alison to the radio.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Frank.
Frank who?
Frankly I don't know.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor you let me in through the door or i will come through the window.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
wendy red, red robin comes bob, bob bobbin' along.

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Sorry I didn't know you had a cold.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Sid.
Sid who?
Sid down and have a cup of tea.


Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, silly! Cows go moo!


Knock knock
Who's there?
Britney Spears
Britney Spears who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Oops I did it again


Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Boy
Boy who?
Boy who can’t reach the doorbell


Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Ivedunup.
Ivedunup who?
Have you?


Who's there !
Haitit !
Haitit who ?
Haitit when you talk like that !


Knock Knock
Who's there !
Basket !
Basket who ?
Basket home, it's nearly dark!


Knock Knock
Who's there !
Smee !
Smee who ?
Smee, your neighbour !


Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Dr
Dr Who?
That’s right wheres my tardis


Knock Knock
Who's there !
Abbott !
Abbott who ?
Abbott time you opened this door !


________________________Doctor, Doctor jokes_________________________




Patient: Doctor, Doctor I can not get to sleep at night.
Doctor: Lie at the end of you bed and you will soon drop off.


Patient: Doctor, Doctor I feel like a bridge.
Doctor: Whats come over you?
Patient: 2 cars and a lorry.


Patient: Doctor, Doctor my hair keeps on fall ing out, can you give me something to Keep it in.
Doctor: Will a plastic bag do?


Patient: Doctor, Doctor I've gone blind.
Doctor: Have you ever had your eyes checked?
Patient: No, they have always been brown.


Patient: Doctor, Doctor i'm feeling invisible.
Doctor:Who said that?

Patient: Doctor, Doctor people keep on ignoring me.
Doctor: well to stop that you..... Who was I talking to.


Patient: Doctor, Doctor I fell like a pair of curtains.
Doctor: Pull yourself together.


Patient: Doctor, Doctor I only have 60 seconds to live!
Doctor: Wait a minute.


Patient: Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pack of cards.
Doctor: I will deal with you in a minute.


Patient: Doctor, Doctor I have gone blind.
Doctor: That explains why you came through the window.


Patient: Doctor, Doctor I feel like a bin.
Doctor: Don't talk rubbish.


Patient: Doctor, Doctor I feel like some chocolate.
Doctor: So do I theres a shop over there.


Patient: Doctor, Doctor people keep on calling me.
Doctor: Nutcase.


Patient: Doctor, Doctor I've already killed someone and I am afraid I will do it again.
Doctor: there is no need to be afraid of anything.


Patient: Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pack of cards.
Doctor: I will deal with you later.


___________________________Sentence jokes____________________________



There was a libary and a chicken went in and said to the librarian "book, book" so the librarian gave the chicken a book. Five minutes later the chicken came again and repeated "book, book" so once agian the librarian gave him a book. Another five minutes passed and the chicken returned saying "book, book" so the librarian gave him a book. This time the librarian followed the chicken and they came to a frog who was saying "read-it, read-it".


Two men sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day they were led to a room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, a formal speech had been made by the warden and the final prayers had been said. The warden turned to the fist man and asked, "well, son, do you have any last requests?" "yes, I do" replied thcondemned man. "I want to listen to the Spice Girls one more time before I die". The warden then asked the other man "do you have a final request?". "God, yes" pleaded the man "have mercy. Kill me first!".


Quazimoldo (the hunchback) wanted to go on holiday because he never got out the church. He asked the vicar who replied "Yes, if you can find someone to take your place". The next day Quazimoldo found a middle age man who wanted the job. At 12:00 the next day Quazimoldo showed the man how to ring the bell. "it's simple all you do is throw the bell out and when it comes back smack yor head against it". Quazimoldo did this twelve times then he said "you try at 1:00". 1:00 soon came and the boy threw the bell out, it came back and it hit the boy's head. The force whacked the boy off the edge of the chuch and he fell to the bottom. Quazimoldo (being a thick as he is) ran down the chuch but soon forgot about the boy. He reached the bottom and saw a large crowd. "hey, Quazimoldo do you know this boy". He looked at the boy and then replied "his face rings a bell".


There was a scottishman man, an Irish man and an English man. The three of them were walking down a road when they came to a bird (dead). All of the men didn't want it except the English man. They soon came to an eye. Again the English man wanted it. After another five minutes they saw a fish and again the English man wanted it. After another five minutes they found a finger, this the English man wanted. They all arrived at a Fish and chip shop. "do you want some chips"said the Irish man "no thanks I have already had a 'birds eye fish finger'."


Three tramps saw a man being sick while coming out of a bar. The first tramp went into the bar and asked for a fork. The second tramp also went in and asked for a fork. The last tramp went in and asked for a straw. "why did your friends ask for forks and you didn't" asked the woman at the bar "because they took the best bits."


There was a scottish man, an Irish man and an English man. They all saw a slide which said it would grant anyone a wish who slid down it and said a word. So the Irish man went down saying "money" and he landed in a pool of money. The English man went next and he slid down saying "beer" and he landed in a pool of beer. The scottish man went down going "weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" and then he landed in a pool of wee.

There was a blond doing her painting in her best coats. Her husband came in saying "why are you wearing your best coats". The mans wife replied "you told me to read the instuctions carfully, and i did
it said for best results put on 2 coats"

A boy went up to his teacher saying "i need the toilet". The teacher replied say the alphabet first" so the boy did. He quickly said "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvxyz" the teacher replied saying "wheres the "p"". The boy said embaressed "running down my leg"


The links below can be useful and there are some games aswell.

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WebSpawner Page Machine

Love tester

Cheatsmatrix

Games dunking celebritys.

Games snowboarding

Trick or treat game