Coming Home
“COMING HOME”
A Guide for Parents, Extended
Family Members or Friends
of Service Members Returning from
Mobilization / Deployment
Copied from www.dod.mil
As a parent, extended family member, or friend of an
active, Guard or Reserve Service member, who is just
coming home or is arriving soon, you are probably
both excited and nervous about the homecoming.
Even if you’ve been through a mobilization/
deployment before, this one has been different
because of the increased stressors of the time.
Regardless of your experience and Service member’s
assignment, there will be a period of adjustment. You
may find this tip sheet helpful in ensuring a successful
homecoming and readjustment.
What to Expect When the Service member
Comes Home:
You have certainly missed your Service member,
as they have missed you. Reestablishing
relationships will take time and communication.
It’s normal for the returning Service member to
“need space” upon their return.
It’s normal to feel nervous and anxious about the
homecoming. Plan for homecoming day. After
homecoming, allow the returning Service
member to schedule the next few days or weeks.
Expect things to be different. Take time to
understand how the Service member has
changed. Be prepared and flexible.
The Service member may have seen or
experienced some things that were very
upsetting. Some normal reactions to these
abnormal situations are fear, nervousness,
irritability, fatigue, sleep disturbances, startle
reactions, moodiness, trouble concentrating,
feelings of numbness, and frequent thoughts of
the event. Talking with others who were there
and/or counselors trained in crisis stress
reactions are very important. The Service member
may be facing a change in job assignment or a move.
Readjustment and job transition cause stress. This
may be especially true for demobilizing Guard and
Reservists who are transitioning back into civilian life.
Making the Reunion Easier:
Take time to get reacquainted. Communicate
your love and concern.
COMMUNICATE!! Tell each other how you
feel—nervous, scared, happy, that you love and
missed them. Listen to each other. The best
way to get through the reacquaintance jitters and
regain closeness is to talk and actively listen.
Reassure the Service member that they are
needed, and that you are happy he/she has
returned safely.
Be calm and assertive, not defensive, when
discussing events that have taken place during
the Service member’s absence. The service
member may need to hear that it wasn’t the same
doing these things alone, that you’re glad
he/she’s back, and that you’d like to discuss
problems and criticisms calmly.
Prepare children of the extended family for
homecoming and involve them in reunion
activities.
Take Time for Yourself to Make the Reunion
for Everyone Concerned Easier:
Make time to rest. Negotiate social events and
activities.
Limit your use of alcohol. Remember alcohol
was restricted during the Service member’s
deployment and tolerance is lowered.
Go slowly in getting back into the swing of things.
Depend on family and friends for support. You are
part of the Service member’s support network.
Remember…
Go slowly – don’t try to make up for lost time.
Accept that your Service member may be different.
Take time to get reacquainted.
Reassure your loved ones.
Seek help for family members, if needed.
Many of these tips have cross-application to the
Service member, spouse, and children, extended
family members, and friends. If you feel like you
are having trouble coping with adjustment, it is
healthy to ask for help. Many normal, healthy
people occasionally need help to handle tough
challenges in their lives. Contact a counseling
agency or a minister, a Military Family Center,
Military Chaplain, the Veterans Administration, or
one of your community support groups that has
been established in your area.
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