 |
i'm new come see me
T'was The Week After Christmas
'Twas the week after Christmas,and all through the house Nothing would fit me,not even a blouse.The cookies I'd nibble,the eggnog I'd taste All the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales,there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared...
The wine and the rumballs,the bread and the cheese And the way
I'd never said,"No thank you, please." As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to battle the dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can "You can't spend a winter dressed
like a man!" So...away with the last of the sour cream dip,Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.Every last bit of food that I
like must be banished 'Till all the additional ounces have anished.
I won't have a cookie,not even a lick, I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits,or cornbread, or pie,I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome,and life is a bore... But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot Happy New Years to All and to All a Good Diet.
-------------------------
Did You See THAT at the Mall?
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall during the after
Christmas sales. They were amazed by almost everything they
saw, but especially by two shiny,silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father,"What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded
"Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed,
an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and
pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between
them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father
watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old
woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
------------------------------------
All I Need to Know about Life
I Learned From a Snowman
- It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.
- Hold your ground,even when the heat is on.
- Wearing white is always appropriate.
- Winter is the best of the four seasons.
- It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.
- There's nothing better than a foul weather friend.
-The key to life is to be a jolly,happy soul.
-It's not the size of the carrot,but the placement that counts.
-We're all made up of mostly water.
-You know you've made it when they write a song about you.
-Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize!
-Avoid yellow snow. Don't get too much sun.
-It's embarrassing when you can't look down and see your feet.
-It's fun to hang out in your front yard.
-Always put your best foot forward.
-There's no stopping you once you're on a roll.
-------------------------------
New Years Ponderings
It is a time of resolutions. I made one resolution many years ago and I have stuck to it. I resolved to no longer make resolutions. The following are some alternative affirmations for a new year. At the end of one year and the start of another, many of us will renew our
commitment to living with daily affirmations. I know the power of affirming my truth, over and over, everyday! While these may not
suit everyone's taste, here are some "possible" affirmations to consider! 1.I honor and express all facets of my being,regardless of state and local laws. 2.I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. 3.I assume full responsibility for my actions,except the ones that are someone else's fault. 4.In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
5.My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment.
6.I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan,whimper, and complain. 7.When someone hurts me,I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit,but not nearly as rewarding. 8.I am at one with my duality. 9.Blessed are the flexible,for they can tie themselves in knots. 10.A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution. 11.Just for today,I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom. 12.Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!" 13.I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future? 14.Before I criticize a man,I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
----------------------------------------------
Noah in 2005
It is the year 2005 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks to Noah and says:"In one year I am going to make it rain and
cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore,I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning,God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Fearful and trembling,Noah took the plans and agreed to build the
Ark."Remember," said the Lord,"You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." Exactly one year later,a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted,"Where is the Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected,claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard,so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the US Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals,I got sued by an
animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each
kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed,the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no urisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity .Commission that I am practicing iscrimination by not taking godless,unbelieving people aboard! The IRS has seized all my assets,claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft." Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark,saying that since God is flooding the earth,it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed. The sky began to clear,the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth,Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has "
-------------------------------------------------------
What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there? What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness? What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?
So, I just wanted to say,even if I never talk to you again in my life,
you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.
I look up to you,respect you, and truly cherish you. Send this to all your friends,no matter how often you talk,or how close you are,and send it to the person who sent it to you. Let old friends know you
haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.
Remember,everyone needs a friend,someday you might feel like you have
NO FRIENDS at all,just remember this e-mail and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about you and always will. I'll Always Be There In times of trouble,In times of need,If you are feeling SAD, You can count on me. I will give you a wink,Until you smile,give you a hug,And stand by your side. I'll be there for you till the end,I'll always and forever,be your friend!
-----------------------------------------
There is no ideal Christmas;only the one Christmas you decide to make as a reflection of your values,desires, affections, traditions.
--Bill McKibben Author, Hundred Dollar Holiday:The Case For a More
Joyful Christmas
------------------------
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
Shirley Temple
------------------------------------
It was always said of him,that he knew how to keep Christmas well,
if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us,and all of us! And so,as Tiny Tim observed,"God Bless Us, Every One! --Charles Dickens
--------------------------------------
"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want? and their kids pay for it.- Richard Lamm,Governor of Colorado
-----------------------------------
Bless us Lord, this Christmas,with quietness of mind;Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.--Helen Steiner Rice
------------------------
From Home to home,and heart to heart,from one place to another. The warmth and joy of Christmas,brings us closer to each other.--Emily Matthews
----------------------------
No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives,and he lives forever. A thousand years from now,Virginia,nay,ten times ten thousand years from now,
he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
---------------------------------------
Christmas is not a time nor a season,but a state of mind.To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy,is to have the real spirit of Christmas.--Calvin Coolidge
----------------------------------------------------
Until one feels the spirit of Christmas,there is no Christmas. All else is outward display-- so much tinsel and decorations. For it isn't the holly,it isn't the snow. It isn't the tree not the
firelight's glow. It's the warmth that comes to the hearts of men
when the Christmas spirit returns again.--Unknown
----------------------------------
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." Phyllis Diller
------------------------------------------
"I do not think of all the misery,but of the glory that remains.
Go outside into the fields,nature and the sun,go out and seek happiness in yourself and in God. Think of the beauty that again
and again discharges itself within and without you and be happy."
ANN FRANK
-----------------------------------------
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!
You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on
Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus,but even if you did not see Santa
Claus coming down,what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you
ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not,but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
--------------------------------------------------
"How wonderful it would be if we could help our children and children to learn thanksgiving at an early age. Thanksgiving opens the doors.
It changes a child's personality. A child is resentful,negative - or thankful. Thankful children want to give,they radiate happiness,
they draw people." SIR JOHN MARKS TEMPLETON
-------------------------------------------------
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and
with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
---------------------------------------
"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."
JOHN FITZGERALD KENNEDY
-----------------------------------------
Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a Heaven for? --Robert Browning
--------------------------------
True, we love life,not because we are used to living,but because we
are used to loving. There is always some madness in love, but there
is also always some reason in madness --Friedrich Nietzsche
----------------------------------------
Fun With Layers
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office,ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out,a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone,dialed 911,and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus,
which he had just picked up the day before,was now completely ruined
no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally
wound down from his ranting and raving,the officer shook his head
in disgust and disbelief. "I can not believe how materialistic you
lawyers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions
that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?"
asked the lawyer. The cop replied,"Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "My God!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"
netflix
nascar
mills berry comunity
Send E-Mail to: themom38@hotmail.com
Copyright © 2005 apple25053413. All Rights Reserved