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A Lonely Place (6-1-01)

A lonely place
Trapped by concrete barriers
Only one-way in
Only one-way out
Nowhere to go
No one to talk to
Empty chairs fill the area
Once occupied tombs are now empty
Once dreams lived and now only dreams thought
Once this places was filled
Filled with special people
Loving people
Caring people
But trust was broken
And now it’s an empty place
A lonely place


My life

A state of depression I fade into quickly
Wanting to die because I have nothing to live for
My family argues non-stop as it goes
And my friends seem to always betray me
I’m alone in the world with no one to hold
I’m alone in the world with no one to care
To care about what I think and what I want
I strive for the pride and dignity that I lack
I try to be more than I am
I degrade myself to make others happy
My friends are everything to me
Because at times they are all I have
I rather be the one feeling pain
Then have my friends feel one ounce of what I have
I’m use to it: the pain of betrayal
The lack of confidence I once thought I could get
I kick myself over the smallest things
The things I didn’t do and wished I did
The things I did do, and wished I didn’t
The constant fear of living a life of mistakes


No Choice

Star light, star bright
You’re all I have tonight
The day is gone
And the pain is here
The thrust of a knife in your back
And you fall to the ground
Only to see star lights reappear
The pain of mistrust
The pain of sorrow
The pain of lost guidance
It hurts to see the one you love
Love someone else
But it happens
As often as life takes shape
And nothing can be done to change the past
The future is unreadable
The present is yours
The pain is greater as the day comes back
And the sorrow you felt turns to anger
The anger is shown through hatred
Bruises
Scars
Nothing will change
Not him
Not anyone
Only the feelings
Only you


All the Times (5-2-01)

All the times I needed you
You were there
All the times I cried
You were there
Every time I was in doubt
You were there
And whenever I was in trouble
You were there

All the times you needed me
I wasn’t there
All the times you cried
I wasn’t there
Every time you were in doubt
I wasn’t there
And whenever you were in trouble
I wasn’t there

I feel I’m never there
And the pain walks with me everyday
And I hate myself for it
I despise myself for it

Every time you need me
I want to be there
Every time you cry
I want to be there
Every time you’re in doubt
I want to be there
And every time you’re in trouble
I want to be there

You are my friend
And I care


One Drink

A drink of beer
A shot of vodka
Nothing big
Just something to calm you down

Once a month
Turns to once a week
Next thing you know
It’s every day

Depression sinks in
Out comes the bottle
One chug, two chug
Next bottle opened

You try to drink it away one day
But the next day its back
Back from your dreams
And now a reality

You stumble up the walkway
Head drooped, not knowing where you are
Not knowing what you did
Not knowing who you did

Your head throbs
Your stomach turns
You fall to the ground
Never to return

The ambulance comes and takes you away
You’re gone for good
And to think of how it started:
One drink

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some more poems by some of my friends

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