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PPC-DMS: PotC: Agents A. Gallowglass & L. Montrose
**Protectors of the Plot Continuum: Department of Mary-Sues: "Pirates of the Caribbean" Continuum--Assassins A. Gallowglass & L. Montrose**
Welcome to Gallowglass and Lena's own little corner of PPC Headquarters. We are happy to present the chronicles of our adventures, written by both of us, and placed here for your convenience by me, Gallowglass.
We work in response center #23 and are paid much too little by the Flowers That Be. Our direct supervisor, the Sunflower Official, has recently become so annoyed with us that he transferred us here, to the "Pirates of the Caribbean" continuum. We don't actually mind--we love the place and the story--but the place is just crawling with 'Sues and overrun with badfic. Yeurgh!
Apologies are grudgingly offered to any Mary-Sue-writers who claim pain and suffering damages because of our "interference" in their stories, but I must warn you, you needn't bother trying to take legal action. We haven't got very much, so even if you win...
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General Disclaimer:
Much thanks and praise to the powerful and imposing Miss Cam, author and Headmistress of OFUM (some terms of hers are used), Jay and Acacia-- a.k.a. HarpWire, the wonderful originators of the PPC (from whom we get the idea, the Sunflower Official, CAD's and other devices, etc.), and all the other PPCers and Fanfiction Collegia officials. The Official Fanfiction University of the Caribbean Islands (OFUCI), under the guidance of Misses Merc and Thalia, may be found at the link below.
"Pirates of the Caribbean" belongs to Disney ™, any references to the Discworld are being borrowed from Terry Pratchett, Fox owns "X-Files", and "ER" belongs to...someone. Warner Brothers, right? Well, it doesn't belong to Lena (no matter how much she wishes it did.) Any other literary or cinematic references are the property of their creators and will be disclaimed as they come up. If I remember.
The original versions of all stories PPCed belong solely to their respective authors. Therefore they are entirely to blame. Not us. Believe me. We generally have better taste.
Glass and Lena belong to us because, well, they are us, more or less. All violence used in dispatching the OCs contained herein is ours and it is all possible and (generally) temporally canonical. We have dutifully requested and received permission to write this spin-off.
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Comments, questions, critiques, and complaints may be directed to me.
(Please do me the courtesy of using spell-check. Flames shall go to line my mini-balrog's bed. Greyheme will be very happy if I get some.)
Lena likes getting mail too, so if you want to oblige her, direct your message to her at lenushka_13@yahoo.com .
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Now. On to the real stuff.
*Biographies
Ana Gallowglass "Glass"--A grammar fanatic, completely obsessed with proper word usage, she has a...fondness for edged weaponry (swords, knives, you name it) and a strange and morbid fear of dead fish. Glass is inept with any machinery more complicated than a stapler (which means her partner takes care of most of the PPC gadgets), but very good with knots. She must continually struggle with herself in scenes from the end of The Movie, trying not to steal Will Turner's "musketeer" hat. Glass also refuses to use any profanities or vulgarities worse than 'crap' (or 'bloody' when she's been into the Brit-lit.) She will occasionally use other languages, but that's all it means.
She originally worked in the English Classics continuum, but was transferred when she knocked Alec D'Urberville, premier jerk and sleaze from Tess of the D'Urbervilles, ears over arse. Glass had already been warned about assaulting canon characters after an incident with Jane Eyre and St. John Rivers. "Smarmy schuttas!" (When asked, she explains that schutta is a term from "Star Wars", a Twi'lek word for a weasel-like creature.) She was originally stationed there for her love of Shakespeare and Elizabethan writings, but the Flowers decided to put her somewhere she wouldn't actually attack the canonicals she disliked.
Glass vehemently denies lusting after any character, but she is very fond of:
Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, Cpn. Jack Sparrow, Anamaria, Cdre. Norrington, Bootstrap Bill Turner, Lt. Gillette, Murtogg, Mullroy, and (especially) the unnamed Naval officer who said, "That's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen" as Cpn. J. S. sailed off in the Interceptor. (She's made it a goal to find him and learn his name. That's all. Period. Really.)
[She also likes:
Many many characters from "Lord of the Rings"
quite a few from "Star Wars", the Discworld, Valdemar and beyond, Rowling's world
Hercule Savinien de Cyrano de Bergerac (Glass outright adores him)
Robin Goodfellow--the Puck
Jean Valjean
and many others...from many other worlds.]
Glass becomes attached to characters very easily.
Lena Montrose--Does not suffer fools lightly--she isn't a big fan of weak characters. Lena vehemently dislikes puns of any sort, thanks to a certain teacher and an uncle who will remain nameless. She has a soft spot for all things piratical. Lena is very fond of rum and high-heeled shoes (and will always rush out to buy the newest re-imagining of the Chanel two-toned pump at the beginning of the season), occasionally to the detriment of her performance, and a sucker for cute guys such as Will and Jack. Her weapons of choice are "guns!! (and cannons, but that's another story)".
It is known that she originally worked in the "ER" fics, but few reasons are given for her removal. Perhaps the loss of her original partner (on extended leave of absence for extreme mental instability) convinced her superiors that she needed a change of scenery--much to her chagrin. Her former partner is rumored to be a fic-blip look-alike for Doctor Carter (possibly overwhelmed by the depravity practiced by OCs on his doppelganger) and very dear to her. She always makes sure to visit him in Psych when she gets the time, hoping for a miraculous recovery. She also wishes to one day return to "ER" PPCing, though her penchant for Carter has a tendency to get her in unnecessary trouble. Lena is currently the techspert of the team and manages those gadgets which mystify Glass.
Lena, unfortunately--or fortunately--is a person of many loves. Glass is generally disgusted with her lovesick behaviour and ignores it most of the time. Her emotional attachments include:
1. The original John Truman Carter III, as alluded to above.
2. FBI Agent Fox Mulder, from the X-Files, though she laments his unfortunate first name [how did he end up with Fox when his sister is the normal Samantha?]. It is rumored that she had to kick-box Janet Reno once in connection with him, but that is a long story, and if you didn't watch SNL in 1997, you wouldn't understand.
3. Cap'n Jack Sparrow. Not so much sick love as with the others, but general fondness. She hates to see him defamed by all the 'Sues.
4. Lestat from Interview w/the Vampire, because he's TOM CRUISE people!! Get with the programme!! [Glass: Lena, calm down. You know Lestat and Tom Cruise are no more the same people than Johnny Depp and Captain Sparrow.]
There you have us!
*Now, the Mission Logs.*
Use the links below to navigate.
Log 1
Miss Sandman's Genius (incl. OFUM & PPC chronicles)
OFUCI
Send E-Mail to: kyria_thalia@hotmail.com
Copyright © 2006 Agent Glass. All Rights Reserved