Another Love Story (Part 3)
-- PART THREE --
One morning he woke up and sat on the side of his bed to try and remember if he had had one of his fantasy dreams during the night. But not only could he not remember anything he might have dreamed, he also couldn't remember what his fantasy girl looked like anymore. He tried to reflect on some of his previous dreams but no image of her came to his mind. Neither his books nor his dream diary gave him any solace; he was afraid he had lost her. After a few days, the dullness, monotony and despair he had experienced before seemed to come down on him again--but now worse than ever. Before he had allowed his dreams to become his escape, he had his wife, his co-workers, his neighbors and friends to provide relief of the pressure from it. With his new desire for privacy everywhere he went, each of those groups of people had learned the hard way that it was best to leave him alone. And that was exactly how he felt...alone. They all thought he just needed some time to think in order to work through some of his problems. But his escape had taken him too far and he did not know how to get back.
Then one morning when Ray got to work, a clerical services bureau had sent 25 female workers to help them meet a deadline on a proposal that needed to be submitted to the Conservation and Energy Division. They sent document preparers, micro computer operators, legal and financial advisors--all for the purpose of completing the proposal that was going to be submitted. Because Ray was in charge of the operational part of the project, he was given the responsibility to provide all of the information that the ladies would need to complete the proposal over the upcoming two weeks.
At first, Ray saw it as a new source of chaos added to his already disoriented mental and emotional state. But as some of the ladies set out to make him notice them, seeking to impress this project supervisor with their own particular ability, he dismissed his private objections to the assignment and basked in the radiance of their ambitious attention. After three days of that, he was ready to select his new fantasy queen (and a couple of runner-ups). The only thing that got rid of the loneliness he was feeling was the possibility that one of the ladies he was working with might provide some real romance to replace the imaginary relationship he had with his forgotten dream woman.
He began having lunch with one of them supposedly for the purpose of keeping the work on target for the deadline. Then the lunches turned into suppers where work was discussed less and less. She was more than happy to accommodate his wishes thinking that it might gain her a commendation on her work record back at the bureau. And even after the proposal was completed and her commendation had gained her high accolades from the appraisal personnel at the bureau, she continued to see Ray believing that his intentions would create some fantasies for her as well.
Now, Ray's fantasies were no longer confined to his thought life or the pages of a book or dream diary. She was his key to real fulfillment...or was she? He wondered if there could be real fulfillment in his life in the arms of a new lover with a wife at home. Could he secretly enjoy the moments he only dreamed about while his relationship with his wife continued to suffer the strain of his need for privacy? And the sense of serenity he felt when his fantasies were only in his mind and on paper; when could he expect to have it with this relationship...after he told his wife? Or maybe after the divorce? Or maybe, after friends and family were able to forgive him?
While he was facing the decision to end his affair, Sheila had received spiritual insight and counseling from her pastor to fast and pray for her husband to end his adulterous relationship and return to her and to GOD. Part of her prayer was being answered as it became clear to Ray that his relationship would not lead to the fulfillment of his fantasies. He could only see pain, broken hearts, confusion, bitterness and hatred--perhaps for many years. And though his girlfriend had just scheduled a few days off to go with him to the Virgin Islands, he had to tell her that they wouldn't be going because their relationship had to be broken off.
Then instead of telling Sheila about his previous infidelity, he told her that he had been keeping to himself all of the time in order to keep from revealing a surprise that he had for her. He told her that he was just pretending to have such a need for privacy when really he was afraid that he would tell the secret that he had planned for them to go to Mexico together. Though she knew the truth and had already forgiven him in her heart, it hurt and angered her that he would continue to lie in an attempt to conceal what he had been doing. But she put her feelings aside for a while and scheduled the vacation time for the trip to Mexico.
As GOD would have it, Ray's old girlfriend decided to look for him to see if he really went back to his wife. Her main objective was to make sure that if Ray had lied to her and not returned to his wife, that his wife would know what had happened between them so that at least his marriage would be destroyed. When Sheila got home from work, she approached Sheila and told her that she would like to talk to her about her husband. But since Sheila said that she knew of the affair, her next objective was to make Sheila feel like a fool by trying to convince her that the real reason Ray broke off the affair was because he had found someone else. But Sheila refused to argue with her or accept her advice to leave Ray. Sheila invited her in and offered her something to drink while she finished all that she came to say. When she found that her efforts were useless against this loving and believing wife, she decided to leave and go to call Ray to tell him of her visit to his house and how he did not deserve the wife he had.
As soon as Ray hung up his phone, he took the rest of the day off to go to his house hoping that he could convince his wife not to leave him. When he got home, he was shocked to find her doing just what she had always done; not packing her clothes as he feared, but taking a shower while dinner was cooking in the kitchen for a quiet evening with her husband. Through his tears and pleas, he begged for her forgiveness as he confessed that his actions were both foolish and unfulfilling. He made a vow to her that if he could have another chance, he would try to make right the things that he had done in unfaithfulness to her. After listening to all that he had to say, she told him that she already knew of the affair and that she forgave him because she loved him. As they wept together and held each other for a long time, they agreed to put it behind them and go on to build a happier home.
Though Ray tried his best to carry out what he promised his wife, his life began to settle back into old patterns of frustration and dullness. His efforts, though sincere and determined, were not enough--he could only partially do what he needed to do without Christ's help. So the Lord was about to finish the answer to Sheila's prayer by bringing Ray back to GOD. It started with one final dream about the woman in the orange dress.
It had been three months since the last time he dreamed about her. In the dream, he saw her walking across a high school football field late at night. He caught up with her asking why she was there alone. As they walked across the grass of the football field, she reached for his hand. He took her hand in both of his longing to experience her touch. Her hands were soft and her grasp was gentle as their fingers interlocked. They went up the steps of the football stand and sat on the first level. As the breeze blew from across the field, he watched it brush her hair from the side of her face. He wanted her to say something but she seemed to be preoccupied with her thoughts as she looked pensively across the field. He decided to be the one to break the silence by asking her a question. Instead of answering, she gestured with her unheld hand for him not to speak to her.
"Please...just stay here with me for a while, please.” she asked.
She then took both of his hands in hers as though trying to warm them. When the wind subsided, it left her hair hanging along the side of her face blocking his view of her eyes and her countenance. He reached up and moved the hair back taking advantage of the chance to caress the side of her face. The skin of her face was as smooth as a baby's. When he touched her face, she leaned toward his hand and closed her eyes as though assuming a position of rest.
"Stay here with me...please.” she repeated.
When he awakened, he felt as though he was still with her. But as he prepared for work, he kept quiet so as not to reveal any of his thoughts to Sheila. When he got to work, he sat at his desk wondering why the dreams had returned. Was he cheating on his wife again? Was the sense of passion and fascination with romance that he felt leading to more trouble? When he called and told Duane about the return of the dreams, Duane reassured him that because they presented imaginary situations, they wouldn't pose any problems in his real life-since Duane did not know about his previous infidelity to Sheila. He suggested to Ray that since they were temporary, he should just enjoy the ride while it lasted and then, when it was over, get on with the rest of his life. He also asked Ray to see if Sheila would like to go out with him and his wife on the upcoming weekend...thinking that the limited outside activity between home and work might be causing Ray's need for fantasy escapes. Since he and Marzie had met Sheila two weeks after she and Ray returned from Mexico, they found out that she was a Christian. Because of that, Duane really didn't think that Sheila would be interested in visiting a nightclub. But he felt that Ray definitely needed the new source of entertainment.
Ray was willing to go with Duane and Marzie but it wasn't because he felt any need to do so. After that last dream, he felt closer to the woman in the orange dress than ever before. When she invited him to stay with her, he felt a sense of satisfaction from all of the efforts in his previous dreams to be close to her. At the same time, however, it was a bittersweet feeling. In one sense, her invitation and request for him to stay with her produced deep feelings of companionship and fulfillment for him. But in another sense, that dream seemed to be releasing him to find that same fulfillment in his real life without the dreams. As he thought about all of that and began to put things in perspective, he realized that through all of the dreams, something had been awakened within him that he hadn't experienced in years...and maybe that was what Duane was talking about. But Duane had also said that when the dreams had run their course, they would go away so that he could get on with his life. Deep in his heart, Ray knew that they probably had run their course; he just wouldn't admit it to himself.
The rest of the week was peaceful as Ray looked forward to going out with his wife and friends Saturday night. When asked, Sheila agreed to go commenting that it would be like a continuation of their Mexico vacation. Neither Ray nor Sheila had ever spent a lot of time going to nightclubs after they met and began dating. Since Ray had become a Christian in college, his spiritual enthusiasm helped Sheila to become more serious about the commitment she had made to Jesus Christ in high school. Since the friends that they associated with back then frowned on nightclub visits, they were never interested in going to them. Later, as Ray stopped going to church and associating with their Christian friends, he began to go out with some of his co-workers. Sheila's only recent visit to a nightclub was the time when Ray invited her to celebrate with him and his co-workers after his job promotion. And after the wild, drunken show he put on that night, neither of them had been back to a nightclub. But Ray promised Sheila that what happened then wouldn't be the case this time.
And that was not all that Ray had to promise. He also had to agree to begin cleaning out their attic starting the following weekend. It was a job that would probably take several weekends to finish. There were books from college, broken-down furniture, legal documents, personal check stubs and a large assortment of useful as well as useless things that had accumulated over the years. It wasn't something that Ray was excited about having to do, but for some reason agreeing to do it didn't bother him. Neither did the cold, hardwood floor or the lack of soap and shaving cream in the bathroom each morning; they also didn't seem to bother him any more. Neither did many other things that had gotten 'on his nerves' over the years. Sheila could also tell that something was happening with Ray as she witnessed his peaceful attitude toward the task that had been a major source of conflict in their marriage for years.
The Saturday night get-together with the Allens and Bradleys turned out to be fun and enjoyable. As they began their evening, Sheila said that it was like being at a huge birthday party. Ray was mostly sober throughout the evening but Duane got embarrassingly drunk. Marzie, who seemed to really enjoy Sheila's company, had a good time in spite of her husband's behavior. In fact, she didn't seem too amazed by it at all. As they walked to their cars, with Ray and Marzie holding Duane up by his shoulders, Ray suggested that they go again the following weekend. Sheila objected reminding Ray that his task for the following weekend would be that of attic cleaning. He agreed but felt that if he started that job on Friday night and continued until late Saturday evening, they would be able to carry out the task at hand and still make the date. After discussing it for a few minutes, they agreed to do it again the next weekend. Then with wishes for good nights and sweet dreams, the wives drove their husbands home.
-- END OF PART THREE --
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