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Sinister salons
The hunt is on to find Britain’s most haunted hairdresser’s.
That was the shock news yesterday from Huddersfield’s previously unknown but no doubt world-famous Institute of Trichological Parapsychology.
They offer a slap-up fortnight at Disney Armageddon, Kentucky, to any salon whose staff need permanent institutional care due to unsought psychic harassment.
Among the early frontrunners:
Breath of Fresh Hair, Chepstow: Mysterious ‘draped figures’, always in a sitting position for some reason, have been heard ‘wearily assenting’ to the neo-fascist opinions of a man who holds ‘two small shining blades’.
Executive Tress, Sidcup: Customers say they keep glimpsing a ‘shadowy presence on the edge of their vision’, accompanied by snipping noises.
Air Hair Lair, Kensington High Street: ‘Horrible, inexplicable smells’ have plagued this salon since the opening of the Azerbaijani Spicy Stew-House Funeral Parlour in the basement last year.
Change The Locks, Hounslow: Many sightings of a ‘sorrowful woman’ with her head tucked under her arm, believed to be a client who fell victim to a stylist’s epilepsy.
Bring On The Curls, Shoreham: A Roman legionary has been waiting for a cut and blow-dry here since the ninth century.
The Londonderry Hair, Limavady: Haunted by a pop group whose necks snapped in 1982 under the sheer weight of hairgel.
Hair of the Great White Worm, Kettering: The back wall reputedly dissolves into a portal to another dimension once every three hundred years (last happened 1725). Also the coffee’s always cold.
Goodbye Mein Leiber Hair, Auchterarder: Reports of ‘terrible voices from beyond the grave’ and heads that rotate through 360 degrees suggest this is really quite an ordinary hairdresser’s.
ANONYMOUS said…
Fuck me!
My granny ordered a Tasty Boy from Saga-Slightly-Used. £30. This URL
delivered to her door by Peter.
Aye, Stringfellow.
Talk about a con? Fuckin' well should be.
Porty Leaf.
CAROLINEM (HEAD MISTRESS) said…
Toasty has spent much of this term asleep under his desk, the school recommends that you check the levels in the drinks cabinet.
Apart from the snoring and drooling Toasty is a charming boy when he wants to be, and has a sunny disposition. He shows great promise at paper clip art and came a creditable third in the Bray Like a Donkey competition at Michelmas.
BLOATED OLD TRADITIONALIST said…
Ahh!
My granny was a head mistress in her youth! She was very strict! Oooh,
I DO hope you're strict, 'cos I've been very bad!
Michel Mas has left the building.
Porty.
TOASTY replied…
These are exactly the sort of comments we need.
Anyone for trepanning?
BLOATED OLD TRADITIONALIST said…
I read an "alleged" blog once, it was every bit as good as yours.
Aye, wish I'd read yours once as well.
Porty Leaf.
PS. Isn't it time for one of your turns at editing the "Sunday Post"-?
URBAN CHICK said…
trepanning...that would be when you tressles break down en france??
ooh, another: curl up and dye (*guffaws*)
TOASTY replied…
This comment box is now CLOSED, on the instructions of the Ministry of Defence.
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