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Who IS this woman?
Just received an email from somebody named ‘Alicja’, outrageously entitled ‘Don’t be inadequate anymore!’
How dare she?
Yes, yes, over the years I’ve had to cease being various things – young, slim, employable, mentally competent to stand trial. Even had to stop being ‘promising’ at the age of 42, having held on as long as I could.
But now this monstrous person is proposing I should give up the one activity for which I’ve ever had a shred of talent.
L’insuffisance, c’est moi.
Without my inadequacy I might easily shrivel up into a captain of industry, a statesman and lawgiver, an alpha male, and there are far too many bloggers like that already. We inadequates can hardly get a word in.
So I suggest this ‘Alicja’ should be compelled to shut ’er bleedin’ cake-’ole.
The question is, which Alicja are we dealing with, of the one-and-a-half million Alicjas known to Google?
There’s an Associate Professor Alicja Muszynski at the University of Waterloo, Ontario, but I expect she’s too busy to fritter away her days spamming elderly gentlefolk.
Efforts to trace ‘Alicja’ via her email address have been fruitless, mainly because they led me to Clippers.com, official site of the Los Angeles Clippers, where I got sidetracked by a poll asking what I thought was the Clippers’ biggest need – perimeter defense, veteran leadership, interior defense, or outside shooting?
By an astounding coincidence, those are my biggest needs as well.
Especially the last, some would say.
ANONYMOUS said…
Dear Toasty,
I read your article with great interest, and was thus inspired to visit the website of said Professor Muszynski. She is indeed a very interesting lady. Given your extensive research in this area, could you tell me where I might obtain a copy of her best-selling work "Race and Gender in the Fisheries of British Columbia". I only ask because the Koi Carp in my pond are threatening to go on a go-slow. Apparently they wish to be put on a different set of scales, and if I do not comply, they threaten to call an All-Trout strike.
DEBYEWALLER said…
Dear Toasty,
I read your article with great interest, and was thus inspired to visit the website of said Professor Muszynski. She is indeed a very interesting lady. Given your extensive research in this area, could you tell me where I might obtain a copy of her best-selling work "Race and Gender in the Fisheries of British Columbia". I only ask because the Koi Carp in my pond are threatening to go on a go-slow. Apparently they wish to be put on a different set of scales, and if I do not comply, they threaten to call an All-Trout strike.
TOASTY replied…
Dear Anonymous –
The best way to obtain a copy of a book – or indeed anything else – is to sit cross-legged on a rocky outcrop with your eyes shut, chanting incoherently while smoke writhes upward from a damp twig fire on which you’re burning a World War Two gas mask, thus releasing its subtle perfumes.
This complaint from your carp is as old as the gills. They have no sole and don’t even believe in cod. Knock them off their perch by brandishing a pike – that’ll be the nastiest shock they’ve ever haddock.
Are you aware that someone called Debyewaller is going around pretending to be you?
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